3 Reasons Why You Should Avoid Discussing the Past in Arguments

One of the mistakes we all make in our arguments and disagreements with loved ones is bringing up the past. How many times have you been talking to your partner about an important issue, in a pleasant tone, only to have them raise their voices and complain about events that happened ages ago? Or perhaps you're the one who can't focus and constantly references past events. Either way, it's a bad habit that needs to be broken. Here are 3 reasons why you shouldn't bring up the past in arguments.

1. It creates resentment

Every time you bring up that thing your husband did 3 years ago, it not only derails the discussion, but it creates a lot of resentment. Being unable to forgive someone for the past means you're constantly rejecting that part of them. People make mistakes, it's a fact. In other for healing to occur you have to learn to let go. The next time you feel the urge to bring up something that isn't related to the discussion, stop it! You'll find that you are able to communicate much more effectively and your partner with appreciate that too.

2. It prevents the real issue from being discussed

If you're arguing about something, then it's obvious there is an underlying issue. It may not be what you think it is, but it exists nonetheless. Every time you bring up the past, you prevent discussion of what's really going on. In order for anything good to come out of a disagreement, the real issue must be kept in mind. Forget about why you started arguing, and you'll spiral off into a mindless mud slinging fest.

How many times have you forgotten the real reason that you're arguing? People can get so angry about the past that the actual reason for the argument in the first place gets completely covered up. You talk about his fling with your friend before you met, he says you have a crush on his best friend, and you find yourself so deep in mud that you can't move an inch. No movement means no progress. Watch out!

3. Your argument will never get resolved

The natural side effect of not discussing the real issue and continually bringing up the past is that the argument will never get solved. It will keep lingering on in your relationship, like a horrible chronic migraine that won't leave you alone. Worse yet, each time it returns, you probably won't even discuss the real issue. It will have been covered up by layers upon layers of past issues that also probably weren't solved for the same reason.

It's clear that in order to effectively communication, you have to remain on point. You can't keep bringing up the past and expect progress. Some of the natural outcomes of this include the build-up of resentment, prevention of key issues being discussed, and a complete lack of real problem solving. If you have an argument, focus on what it's about and solve it! The quicker you do that, the faster you can get back to what's really important: love.

Fred Tracy runs a personal development website where he shares his tips and insights about anything from inner peace and spirituality to finances and finding your purpose.