Sexuality 101

Sexuality is a complex subject. When I lecture about it, I often reference Margo Anand, who wrote The Art of Sexual Ecstasy in 1989, a book that sheds much light on the subject of orgasm, that much sought after, dreamed about, schemed for phenomenon that sadly about 20 percent of women have never experienced. The big “O” is the talk in women’s gatherings, in locker rooms, and upon therapists’ couches.

Do you want to know the truth about orgasm? Anand quotes Alan P. Brauer, M.D., and Donna J. Brauer: “The average orgasm is only ten seconds long. The average frequency of intercourse is once or twice a week. That’s twenty seconds a week, about one-and-half minutes a month, about eighteen minutes a year. In fifty years, that’s about fifteen hours. For fifteen hours of ecstasy we devote how many thousands and thousands of hours thinking about sex, worrying about sex, daydreaming about, wishing for sex, planning for sex?”

Wow! Gives one pause, doesn’t it?

Sexuality, of course, involves much more than climaxing. For many reasons, many of us struggle with sex and sexuality. Sometimes religion plays a role. I was raised Catholic and still remember being told by the stern padre and the well-meaning but shortsighted sisters that if we dared to masturbate, we would grow hair on our palms and go blind. Well, thanks to God’s great wisdom, there are no blind, hairy-palmed souls dancing about our planet. We can enjoy life’s little self-pleasures.

More often while wrestling with sexual issues, our relationship with intimacy comes into play, as does our perception of ourselves. Have you ever thought about what intimacy means? Breaking down the word gives us its definition: see into me. Do you love yourself enough to allow someone else to love you, love all of you on every level possible – physical, emotional and spiritual?

The bottom line is this. If we are ever going to find any pleasure in life, sexual or otherwise, we are going to have to learn to love ourselves in the package that we currently inhabit. We need to magnify our great assets with continual nurturing and respect. When that happens, our sexuality will feel normal, a deep part of ourselves that we can easily share with another.