This sex tip is all about direction, and despite my widespread reputation for being directionally challenged, you can trust me on this one.
I am going to guide you through an erotic touch experience with your lover, and this might just be the one that really lights her fire!
Let’s begin with you…
Self-preparation:
Be clean, nourished and hydrated. Clip nails and hangnails, and use hand lotion. She will notice. Don your silky boxers, sarong or use that birthday suit. Your self-preparation shows honor and is the first step into your role as a respectful giver.
Space setting:
Create a “love nest” on the floor. Comfort is essential, so place a thin mat or a few layers of bedding down and surround your nest with pillows. Now adorn this space for your lover with flowers, music, candles, incense, her favorite fluffy blanket, snack or drink. Have some massage oil ready (heated is best) and also some genital lube.
The act of building this love nest is a ritual—you are creating a space for magic to happen and adopting a “pleasure the Goddess” attitude.
The dance of energies:
Here’s an important concept: Touch, massage, and sex are about energy—connecting energetically with your lover and creating/allowing an energy flow. The more you embrace that notion, the more you will be able to employ techniques to create the sexual experience you desire. (And, to last longer!)
Energy can be very subtle, like a whisper or a glance. Other times it is huge and explosive, like an orgasm. But it is always sensitive and knowing. It knows what is happening in your heart, and if there is a disconnect between heart and hands, the energy will shrink and retreat. A loving, open heart allows the energy to move freely, bundling you both in that sweet “being in the flow” bliss.
Honoring the energy:
Energy prefers to advance slowly (and retreat gradually), so consider using this initial connection:
1) Lay side-by-side with your lover with your arm resting on her body.
2) Eye-gaze with her allowing your vision to get lazy and hazy—a sign of merging energies.
3) Synchronize your breathing with hers.
4) After a few minutes of silence, softly thank her for joining you, and let her know that tonight is all about her pleasure—she can only receive.
5) Gently nudge her to lying on her back as you sit by her side.
Touch her this way (upper body):
Don’t rush. You are honoring the Goddess, your energy bodies are connecting, and your new pattern of pleasuring has added anticipation to the mix. A super aphrodisiac!
1) Continue the eye contact and keep your body still. Moving as slowly as you can, brush her arms with your fingertips barely touching the body hair. Continue to her shoulders, neck, and upper chest. Move your fingers to her face and gently outline her lips, her eyes, her jaw, her outer ears, and then that soft, sensitive spot behind her ears.
2) Lean over and lightly touch your lips to hers. Gently suck first her upper lip and then her lower lip, nibble a bit, and retreat after outlining her mouth with your tongue.
3) Continue your light, slow touch as you move down to her breasts, stroking in a circular motion until you are tenderly teasing her nipples. Lick, suck, and blow if your intuition (or your lover!) suggests.
Now read her body. Does she seem relaxed and comfortable? Is she responsive to your touch? Or is her body asking you for more time and tenderness (foreplay)?
Erotic touch: Add variety, play with arousal levels, spread the energy, and just PLAY.
1) Massage her back. Gently coax your lover to turn onto her stomach and use feather strokes up and down her entire backside. Scratch her lightly with your nails or a dry body brush for sensation diversity, or tickle her with a feather or piece of fur. Massage her back with warm oil, but do not touch her sacrum or buttocks. She will notice your avoidance and wonder… More anticipation!
2) Establish positions. Lightly stroke her thighs and slowly nudge her legs apart by placing your hands on both sides of each leg, using circular massage strokes and greater pressure from the hand on the inside of her leg. Now you have moved her into a vulnerable position, and created a heap more anticipation. Reposition yourself to sitting or kneeling between her legs.
Read her body again. Is she relaxed and responsive? If not, continue with sensual, but non-sexual touch until she seems complete for this evening, and offer her this pleasuring again another night.
3) “Say hello” to her genitals. Reach one hand under your lover, and place your warm palm (no fingers, no lube) on her vulva (external genitals). Place your other palm on her sacrum. Hold static for a minute or so as you breathe deeply and slowly. You are saying hello to her genitals, an honoring energy connection. Now gradually increase the pressure of both hands (moving to very firm)—simultaneously press, release, press, release, as slowly as you can. Sensually tickle her inner thighs, and run your fingertips down her legs. Don’t rush.
4) Give an awakening massage. Remove your hand from her sacrum and with a palm over her labia, gradually increase the pressure while moving it very slowly in a circular motion. This action massages her labia and entire (internal and external) clitoral muscle, all 4.5 inches of it. Then reverse the direction.
5) Touch and tease. Gently pat some lube on your lover’s external genitals. Move her labia aside to expose the head of her clitoris, and with your palm, stroke from the clitoral hood to her vagina. Repeat several times. Now vary the stroking, pressure, and direction as you engage your fingers to awaken every inch of her luscious genitals. Watch her body and listen to her sounds as she indicates which touch techniques are her favorite.
6) Coax her arousal up, then down. As arousal builds, ask her to breathe with you—deeply, rapidly, and with a sound on the exhale. Take whatever time she needs. She may be on the brink of orgasm (though there are no goals or expectations). You may choose to support her through her release, or encourage her to marinate in those sweet erotic juices by bringing the energy down. Remove both hands from her genitals and use long strokes to spread the energy up her back, spine, and down her legs. Coach her in breathing deeply and slowly.
7) Release any stuck energy. Now switch gears. In a kneeling position, place your palms (straight arms) on her butt and thighs as you slowly lean onto her with your full body weight, release slowly also. Repeat several times, then put firm pressure on her sacrum and massage that energy up her spine.
8) Repeat. Continue to read her body, pleasure and tease, increase the arousal level, spread out the energy with long massage strokes, and bring the arousal down.
Orgasm…or No Orgasm:
Your lover may or may not experience an orgasm(s). Do not push for her to have one. Simply allow and invite. Her body is seeking satisfaction, and that may appear differently every time, so honor her body wisdom. Do not try to re-direct the path. You will know when she is complete.
The energy disconnect:
Honor the energy by offering a sweet, slow disconnect. As in the beginning, place a palm on her sacrum and the other over her genitals with light pressure. Breathe slowly several times before removing your hands. Learn over your lover and whisper in her ear, “Thank you for allowing me to pleasure you.”
Offer a full body hug, spooning, or she may prefer to be wrapped cocoon-like as she rests.
Before your planned pleasuring time:
Re-read my suggestions here and as you read, envision your actions. Then let my techniques rest gently in the back of your mind. When your heart is open and you are immersed in the flow of loving, erotic energy, you will create a pleasuring session that is just perfect, whether or not you’ve followed my suggestions precisely.
Congratulations on your willingness to join your lover in this new dance of erotic energies!
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