There are a lot of relationship books and articles that give deep and complicated solutions to getting the passion back in your relationship, but sometimes keeping it simple can do just as good a job at reigniting yours and your partner's flame.
So the purpose of this article is just to keep things light and suggest a couple of fun ways that you and your partner can participate in to put the spark and romance back where they belong - in your relationship.
1) Give Love in Your Partner's Communication Mode:
Robby Bilton, Director of the Centre For Life Management describes a Communication Mode as follows:
"Communication is the result you get. Different people are on different channels. We learn, we express love and communicate through different modes or combination of modes. It is important to know who you are playing with, what channel they are playing on or else your communication will not be very effective. We basically all want to get what we want. If you cannot get your message through of what your needs, wants, dreams, goals and visions are, you will be very frustrated and stressed."
One of the best ways to put the spark back in your relationship is by giving or showing love in your partner's communication mode so they will truly pick up, tune in or feel your love.
The following is a brief definition of each of the modes and some suggestions to how to express love: (You can be primarily one mode or a mixture of up to all four.)
Visual people communicate by seeing and doing. They like activities and they like gifts. They notice people, places and things with just the slightest glance. They take things at face value and do not look deeper into things. They feel and share love by doing things with or for other people.
As an example how a Visual person may feel love is if you do something together like go for a walk, do a puzzle, go out for dinner, even wash dishes together, anything where you are doing things together. Another example is if you do something for them, like buy them a gift or do the dishes for them or cooking a special meal for them they would really feel loved.
Auditory people communicate through talking. They have the natural gift of the gab, are designed to be able to talk for long periods of time. They enjoy talking and listening to other people talk. They feel loved when they are talked to, and like to hear the words I love you.
For example an Auditory person would feel loved if you talk with them a lot, listen to music together and they feel love if you tell them you love them as frequently as you can.
Digital people communicate through connection and understanding. They find the deeper meaning in everything they think, see and do. Understanding is very important to them. They feel loved when they share connections with others and are understood.
Digital people feel loved when they share connections with others and are understood. They will feel loved if you seek to understand them, help them to understand something that is on their mind, or share something deep about what you are thinking about with them so they feel connected to you.
Kinesthetic people communicate through their bodies. They move, feel and express through their bodies. Kinesthetics love to touch people and things around them and like physical activities and physical forms of affection such as hugging. They feel loved when they are touched. Each Kinesthetic person has their own unique way that they like to be touched, I don't mean in a sexual way, but they just have a unique way how they feel loved through being touched.
For example, some Kinesthetic people feel loved when they are hugged, or if you hold their hand or put your hand on their back, shoulder or leg, or touch their hair or kiss them on the forehead.
With all the communication modes, feel free to ask them how they feel loved if you are ever in doubt and just keep in mind it is how they feel loved not how you would feel loved or how you think they would feel loved.
2) Routines:
In Cucan Pemo's e-book "How To Retrieve a Lover" she explains the importance of developing daily rituals with your partner by doing things together every day, such as sharing morning coffee together so you are connecting intellectually as well as emotionally on a regular basis.
We can take it a step further and suggest daily routines that will become habits that touch on your partner's communication modes.
For example, with my significant other, he is Auditory so every morning when we wake up I'll say "I love you", I will say it again a few times during the day and I always say "I Love you" before we go to bed.
He knows I'm Kinesthetic so we always snuggle in the morning before getting up. He will also hug me on occasion during the day and will hug me before we go to bed.
Both of us are continuously feeling loved in our own communication modes and nothing can reignite the flame then by truly feeling loved.
3) Do Activities That Focus on Each Other:
With all the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it is hard to find time to focus on each other and totally connect.
So make an agreement to do activities together where you can focus directly on each other, not a day at the park with the kids or a football game with another couple, but share breakfast together, go on a date or on a walk together, anything where you will feel like you did when you first met each other.
4) Have Fun Together:
People, who play together, stay together. By having fun together, you get to share an experience together while having fun and connecting.
Do things that make each others laugh and act like big children. Tickle each other, play tag, have a water fight, water balloon fight or pillow fight.
The laughing will release serotonin, the feel good chemical and for males it will release dopamine which is needed in order to reignite a spark in them like they felt when they had the challenge of pursing or courting you when you were first dating.
5) Get Out Your Emotions Together:
I was watching a movie called "Force of Nature" (Directed by Bronwen Hughes, DreamWorks SKG, Roth-Arnold Productions, 1999) With Ben Affleck and Sandra Bullock. Ben Affleck character named Ben was engaged to another woman, and Sandra Bullock's character named Sarah was a free spirit trying to avoid her abusive boyfriend. They met each other while traveling and kept bumping into each others.
There was a scene where Ben and Sarah were standing on top of a train that was stopped over a canyon with a river below. The two of them were having fun yelling on the top of their lungs. I was thinking, "Hmm, that sure looks like that would be a great way to get all their blocked emotions out."
Then I started thinking about couples and probably one of the reasons couples scream at each others when they are arguing is to get all their built up emotions out.
So then I thought, "Well, wouldn't it be a good idea if a couple could get their emotions out together but not at each other?"
So that's when I realized that a couple should go together to a secluded spot in a park, forest, field, cliff or hills and give out a big huge scream or yell on the top of their lungs.
You and your partner can take turns or yell at the same time. Yell out at nature, not each others, let all the blocked emotions that are holding your passion back and let nature absorb it for you - it's a very refreshing and bonding experience.
So by focusing on these simple and fun ways to connect and share with each other, at the bare minimum you will have some fun and spend time together. However, more than likely you will be able to share the passion, romance and spark that the two of you had in the beginning of your relationship.
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