Do You Understand Your Man?

Understanding men in relationships, though many single women will disagree, is quiet simple. The reason is that men, unlike women, are very simple creatures. They have simple needs, desires and are not overtly emotional, like women.

Still, many women find themselves in a situation where they never get a call after the first date or where they have been in a series of broken relationships, or where they have been dumped by men without any warning or where women in long relationships are left waiting for that marriage proposal, which never comes their way.

If you too are a woman, who has faced a familiar situation and want to know a few magical tips on understanding men in relationships, then below is something very interesting what you are looking for.

Main Tips on How to Understand Men Better

It is human nature that we always want the things which we do not have. And once we have them, our desire fades away. Men are pretty much the same.

So, a useful tip for all single women is to remain a mystery for the man, especially in the initial phases of the relationship. It is a bad idea to tell a man how crazy you are for him or how much you want him. Let him confess his feelings to you initially, be slightly detached and give him opportunity to miss you. Once he makes the first move, you can tell him whatever you want to.

Men like challenges in life and love to 'chase' after a woman. So why deny him his fun? Be slightly unpredictable, once in a while. Do not always agree to what he says. Have your own opinions in life. Be very clear about your needs and expectations and do not overlook them, even if the man asks you to. A modern, assertive and challenging woman is much more appealing to a man than a woman who is always complying with her man's wishes.

Men do not like women who cling to them. Men don’t like women who makes huge emotional demands on the man, who constantly looks for his attention and who is always trying to please them. So, all women who are keen on understanding men in relationships should know that never ever sound desperate to a man as it is bound to turn him off. The more a woman clings to a man, the more he will try to distance himself from her.

Tips on Understanding Men in Love
When a man is in love, he will be at his best behavior around the woman he loves. He will do anything to keep the woman's attention to himself. He will try to know about the likes and dislikes of the woman, will try to understand her better and be very protective of her too.

Men in love may sometimes act in a very weird manner. He may act detached, all because he is fearful that he is falling in love with one particular woman. At the same time, he can become a little possessive of the woman he loves, because he fears that the woman might leave him for someone else.

Once a man is truly committed, he will introduce his woman to all his friends, family and everyone he knows. This is a man's way of showing that a woman now belongs to him. Although marriage is something that makes most men jittery, but when the right woman comes along, men no longer feel that way and are ready for commitment.

For understanding men in marriage, and to make her marriage successful, there are two things that a woman should never forget. Firstly, all men like to act as providers for their family and have an inherent need to be respected, trusted and looked after by their wives. Secondly, men just love sex and can not do without it. And for men sex is a way of feeling emotionally connected to the woman they love.

Love, Lust and Friendship

Carl Reiner stated, “Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is most important.”

What is the difference between lust and love, between loving and liking?

Love involves being as concerns for someone else’s welfare as you are for your own. Love allows us to care for, serve and sacrifice for each other. O. Henry’s short story, The Gift of the Magi, exemplifies the selfless nature of love. In this story a young couple desperately want to give each other meaningful Christmas gifts. Because they have no money to purchase gifts they each choose to sacrifice their most valuable possession to buy a special gift for the other. Ironically Della sells her gorgeous long hair to buy a platinum chain for Jim’s watch, while Jim sells his watch to buy jeweled combs for Della’s hair. Their willingness to sacrifice their most treasured possession for each other represents the strength of their love.

Lust, on the other hand, is more self-centered. It is focused on fulfilling one’s physical urges and desires. Lust can be mistaken for love; it feels extremely intense, almost obsessive. Lust means putting one’s desires ahead of the other’s person’s best interests. There is no concern for the cost of one’s actions. Lust involves an all consuming; let the consequences be damned kind of attitude. Lust is easy, since it does not involve the day-to-day realities that love does. Lust is what makes an affair so intoxicating; reality does not have to interfere with the illusion of perfection.

Love encompasses passion, where lust is simply the empty shell of passion. Love can be passionate and intense, but it is also kind, patient and accepting. Love means dealing with reality and struggle and coming out closer. Lust means dealing with illusions of what is and what could be if only reality did not interfere.

The difference between liking and loving is the difference between friendship and romance. One the reasons that like is most important is that it is your friendship that can carry you through the tough times when you may start to doubt your love.

If you want your love to last then one of the most important things that you can do is to like each other. When we like people, we accept them as they are. One of the greatest dangers to a loving relationship is to be continually unhappy with and trying to change one’s partner.

In counseling we frequently hear statements that loosely translate to I love my partner but I cannot stand to live with him or her. “Like is most important,” because unless we like someone as well as love them, there is always that danger that love will fade.

I tend to agree with Reiner, that Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is most important. Lust is easy, because it simply involves allowing your physical desires and urges to run their course. It may be easy, but it is not fulfilling, since lusting leads to more lusting. Love is hard, because it involves giving of oneself and at times giving up some of what I want for we or us. Love is hard, but is fulfilling. And like is most important, because like is what holds it all together. Like means choosing to be happy with each other.

Female erotic energy - a field guide for men

Are you a man who can take directions from a woman?

This sex tip is all about direction, and despite my widespread reputation for being directionally challenged, you can trust me on this one.

I am going to guide you through an erotic touch experience with your lover, and this might just be the one that really lights her fire!

Let’s begin with you…

Self-preparation:
Be clean, nourished and hydrated. Clip nails and hangnails, and use hand lotion. She will notice. Don your silky boxers, sarong or use that birthday suit. Your self-preparation shows honor and is the first step into your role as a respectful giver.

Space setting:
Create a “love nest” on the floor. Comfort is essential, so place a thin mat or a few layers of bedding down and surround your nest with pillows. Now adorn this space for your lover with flowers, music, candles, incense, her favorite fluffy blanket, snack or drink. Have some massage oil ready (heated is best) and also some genital lube.

The act of building this love nest is a ritual—you are creating a space for magic to happen and adopting a “pleasure the Goddess” attitude.

The dance of energies:
Here’s an important concept: Touch, massage, and sex are about energy—connecting energetically with your lover and creating/allowing an energy flow. The more you embrace that notion, the more you will be able to employ techniques to create the sexual experience you desire. (And, to last longer!)

Energy can be very subtle, like a whisper or a glance. Other times it is huge and explosive, like an orgasm. But it is always sensitive and knowing. It knows what is happening in your heart, and if there is a disconnect between heart and hands, the energy will shrink and retreat. A loving, open heart allows the energy to move freely, bundling you both in that sweet “being in the flow” bliss.

Honoring the energy:
Energy prefers to advance slowly (and retreat gradually), so consider using this initial connection:

1) Lay side-by-side with your lover with your arm resting on her body.

2) Eye-gaze with her allowing your vision to get lazy and hazy—a sign of merging energies.

3) Synchronize your breathing with hers.

4) After a few minutes of silence, softly thank her for joining you, and let her know that tonight is all about her pleasure—she can only receive.

5) Gently nudge her to lying on her back as you sit by her side.

Touch her this way (upper body):
Don’t rush. You are honoring the Goddess, your energy bodies are connecting, and your new pattern of pleasuring has added anticipation to the mix. A super aphrodisiac!

1) Continue the eye contact and keep your body still. Moving as slowly as you can, brush her arms with your fingertips barely touching the body hair. Continue to her shoulders, neck, and upper chest. Move your fingers to her face and gently outline her lips, her eyes, her jaw, her outer ears, and then that soft, sensitive spot behind her ears.

2) Lean over and lightly touch your lips to hers. Gently suck first her upper lip and then her lower lip, nibble a bit, and retreat after outlining her mouth with your tongue.

3) Continue your light, slow touch as you move down to her breasts, stroking in a circular motion until you are tenderly teasing her nipples. Lick, suck, and blow if your intuition (or your lover!) suggests.

Now read her body. Does she seem relaxed and comfortable? Is she responsive to your touch? Or is her body asking you for more time and tenderness (foreplay)?

Erotic touch: Add variety, play with arousal levels, spread the energy, and just PLAY.

1) Massage her back. Gently coax your lover to turn onto her stomach and use feather strokes up and down her entire backside. Scratch her lightly with your nails or a dry body brush for sensation diversity, or tickle her with a feather or piece of fur. Massage her back with warm oil, but do not touch her sacrum or buttocks. She will notice your avoidance and wonder… More anticipation!

2) Establish positions. Lightly stroke her thighs and slowly nudge her legs apart by placing your hands on both sides of each leg, using circular massage strokes and greater pressure from the hand on the inside of her leg. Now you have moved her into a vulnerable position, and created a heap more anticipation. Reposition yourself to sitting or kneeling between her legs.

Read her body again. Is she relaxed and responsive? If not, continue with sensual, but non-sexual touch until she seems complete for this evening, and offer her this pleasuring again another night.

3) “Say hello” to her genitals. Reach one hand under your lover, and place your warm palm (no fingers, no lube) on her vulva (external genitals). Place your other palm on her sacrum. Hold static for a minute or so as you breathe deeply and slowly. You are saying hello to her genitals, an honoring energy connection. Now gradually increase the pressure of both hands (moving to very firm)—simultaneously press, release, press, release, as slowly as you can. Sensually tickle her inner thighs, and run your fingertips down her legs. Don’t rush.

4) Give an awakening massage. Remove your hand from her sacrum and with a palm over her labia, gradually increase the pressure while moving it very slowly in a circular motion. This action massages her labia and entire (internal and external) clitoral muscle, all 4.5 inches of it. Then reverse the direction.

5) Touch and tease. Gently pat some lube on your lover’s external genitals. Move her labia aside to expose the head of her clitoris, and with your palm, stroke from the clitoral hood to her vagina. Repeat several times. Now vary the stroking, pressure, and direction as you engage your fingers to awaken every inch of her luscious genitals. Watch her body and listen to her sounds as she indicates which touch techniques are her favorite.

6) Coax her arousal up, then down. As arousal builds, ask her to breathe with you—deeply, rapidly, and with a sound on the exhale. Take whatever time she needs. She may be on the brink of orgasm (though there are no goals or expectations). You may choose to support her through her release, or encourage her to marinate in those sweet erotic juices by bringing the energy down. Remove both hands from her genitals and use long strokes to spread the energy up her back, spine, and down her legs. Coach her in breathing deeply and slowly.

7) Release any stuck energy. Now switch gears. In a kneeling position, place your palms (straight arms) on her butt and thighs as you slowly lean onto her with your full body weight, release slowly also. Repeat several times, then put firm pressure on her sacrum and massage that energy up her spine.

8) Repeat. Continue to read her body, pleasure and tease, increase the arousal level, spread out the energy with long massage strokes, and bring the arousal down.

Orgasm…or No Orgasm:
Your lover may or may not experience an orgasm(s). Do not push for her to have one. Simply allow and invite. Her body is seeking satisfaction, and that may appear differently every time, so honor her body wisdom. Do not try to re-direct the path. You will know when she is complete.

The energy disconnect:
Honor the energy by offering a sweet, slow disconnect. As in the beginning, place a palm on her sacrum and the other over her genitals with light pressure. Breathe slowly several times before removing your hands. Learn over your lover and whisper in her ear, “Thank you for allowing me to pleasure you.”

Offer a full body hug, spooning, or she may prefer to be wrapped cocoon-like as she rests.

Before your planned pleasuring time:
Re-read my suggestions here and as you read, envision your actions. Then let my techniques rest gently in the back of your mind. When your heart is open and you are immersed in the flow of loving, erotic energy, you will create a pleasuring session that is just perfect, whether or not you’ve followed my suggestions precisely.

Congratulations on your willingness to join your lover in this new dance of erotic energies!

If We're Honest About Physical Attraction

We did an online poll for my visit with on-air personalities Woody & Jim today on 107.5 The River in Nashville. The question was, “Which is most important to you?” The choices were: 1) your mate takes care of his/her body and keeps looking good, 2) your mate fulfills your sexual desires but lets his/her body go, or 3) your mate trips and falls under a bus. (The last one was there because Woody and Jim are hilarious…)

Votes?

60% choose number one — the attractive mate

33% chose number two — sexual desires fulfilled

7% chose number three — mate under a bus (hopefully they were kidding)

The numbers aren’t surprising. For years I’ve taught sessions to those who work with marriages and discussed with them the role physical appearance plays in marital satisfaction.

In the counseling world one of the “secrets” that typically doesn’t get talked about in public is the number of husbands who love their wives but are no longer sexually attracted to them because they are overweight.

Talking about that on TV or radio tends to rile listeners who feel that it is prejudiced toward people who struggle with weight. I certainly don’t want to offend, but the truth is — whether we like it or not — physical appearance matters from the time we first meet until we die.

As I employ the word appearance, I must broaden that to include all five senses. In a survey I did a couple years ago, the greatest physical deterrent to a wife’s being attracted sexually to her husband was hygiene. They were turned off by cigarette or cigar breath, unshaven faces over the weekend, coming home dirty and doing nothing about it, or, (dare I say it) certain smells that the human body sometimes makes. In short, women were just as concerned about the man’s physicality as were the men about the women’s.

So what do we learn from all this?

It is never okay to let yourself go. Thinking, “Well, we’re married now and I don’t have to watch the calories as much, or worry about exercizing as often” is not wise. Though our appearance changes with age, the truth is that we should be as physically attractive as possible for our mates as long as we both live. Why wouldn't we want to do that for the one we vowed to love and cherish?

So what do you do if you're not physically attracted to your spouse? We'll use weight as an example.

First, assure your spouse several times every day that you love him just as he is and that you are committed to be with him for life (this, of course, applies to husband or wife).

Second, open your heart and explain how you feel about his weight or whatever the physical issue is that can be improved. Be honest about all your emotions.

Third, ask him if he will commit to diet and exercise for you as well as for his own well being. Help in every way that he will allow. Encourage him to seek reputable professional guidance.

If you work on this together, with honesty and openness, you will bring attraction back into your marriage.

Are you in a DINS Marriage?

The acronym DINS (Double Income No Sex) was coined a few years ago in discussions about the evolution of marriage in this country. In research carried out at Georgia State University, 16% of married couples reported they had sex with each other less than once a month.

As a psychotherapist working with couples, I agree that the pressures of a fast life and hectic days (and nights) can contribute to the reduction in the frequency and quality of sex in couples who live together, whether married or not.

But is it only the fact that both partners work that reduces the frequency of sex in couples?

I believe this is a very complex situation that is not created uniquely by one factor, but a series of them. Possibly the most important one has to do with the nature and change in desire throughout the life of a romantic relationship. A the beginning, sexual attraction and desire for one another are very strong, as two partners get to know each other and testosterone levels are high for both men and women. As the couple settles in a routine and partners become more familiar with one another, attachment develops, while desire decreases. There is a paradox here that all couples have to negotiate, as attachment comes with what feels safe and familiar, and sexual desire with the new and exotic. It is thus a tight balance that needs to be maintained.

Having said this, however, the changes in sexual activities we see today with some couples, particularly those with young children, seem to be more drastic than the progressive waning of desire that comes with familiarity and growing attachment for one another.

Today most couples complain of being chronically tired. They are exhausted by the fast pace of their lives. They often complain of not having any time for themselves – or for each other. They feel they need to be good parents; they need to be good employees; they often have to drive long distances from work to home or to their children’s activities and sports events. At times they have to commute, being with the family only for a very short time each week. A lot of them don’t have extended families that help them with child care and other activities. No wonder they don’t think about sex! This may be the last thing on their minds, or the thing they are willing to give up because, on their list of priorities, it is not at the very top.

I would also add that it is not only sex that has disappeared, but time together, regular date nights, times of sitting down together and discuss the day, check with one another, hold hands, give each other a back rub or foot massage, enjoy each other’s company. When all this goes, it becomes more difficult to engage in sex, as couples feel disconnected and emotionally unengaged and cannot easily switch on at will. Or, one partner wants to do it, but the other doesn’t. This leads to tension, feelings of rejection, anxieties and fears, and all this keeps partners further apart from each other

The relationship with our partners, like all relationships, needs to be nurtured and attended to. When we push it on the back burner and leave it there, it will wilt and eventually die. So, we need to make it a priority, investing time, energy and interest in order to keep it exciting and vibrant. Can you think now of a kind way of letting your partner know how important he or she is in your life?

Swinging Heaven Community

Swinging Heaven is place of freedom of expression. All that you want to explore is available there. I enjoy knowledge that it gave me, so I decided to share it with others as well. What does Swinging stands for? Well I first got introduced to the Swinger lifestyle through UK swinger friend. I didn’t know much, but it intrigued me that some people in today’s society participate in polygamy sexual intercourse. I was on a mission to find out what is swingers lifestyle all about.

My parents always teach me to be polite and to maintained mine integrity and never express my desires if it wasn’t socially appreciable. For social standards everything besides monogamy relationship is unmorally and wrong. I wanted to explore what I like and I stumbled upon Swinging Heaven.

There is not much about it to say. They are all cool people; they enjoy everything that normal people do. Just their sexual preferences are liberal and they like to enjoy recreational sex between couples. My UK swinger friend told me to enjoy myself when we first got to my first party. I just wondered through club and watched other people doing what they like. It’s really got me rushing with desire.

All that freedom and love. No strings, just pure pleasure and honesty. For a second I felt like I discovered my sexuality from a whole different perspective. Feeling like you first time had sex, and instantly you know that it you will do that again.

For me, and my girl, Swinging Heaven really spice up our relationship. It helped us in so many ways, we discovered passion that was buried somewhere deep in our mediocre life’s. Now, feel free to find out what does swinging heaven means for you, and me, now, feel free to go deeper in to freedom of reality.

Swinging is a way of life. Swingers are people, usually couples that enjoy casual sex with each other with everybody’s consent. So in order to fulfill one of you and your partner’s deepest fantasies you should know some basic things that will help you to decide is this experience for you. You should know that there are many things that can go wrong, and you can literally fuck up your marriage. I am swinging for a really long time. I can assure you, if you want to minimize your chances of fucking it all up, you should find mine swinging heaven guide really helpful. But let’s get back to basics.

I hope that everybody will find out about this Swinger lifestyle. Off course that Swinging is not for everybody, but until you know it’s not for you, it’s the price for me to, stand by you. UK swinger scene did something big for me; I hope that you will find something useful too. Feel free to cum and see. Swinging Heaven

Relationship Advice - Top 5 Ways To Put The Spark Back In Your Relationship

Whether you and your partner love each other unconditionally and get along famously or whether the two of you fight like cats and dogs, overtime what often happens is that the routine of everyday life and activities can make the spark in your relationship to go out.

There are a lot of relationship books and articles that give deep and complicated solutions to getting the passion back in your relationship, but sometimes keeping it simple can do just as good a job at reigniting yours and your partner's flame.

So the purpose of this article is just to keep things light and suggest a couple of fun ways that you and your partner can participate in to put the spark and romance back where they belong - in your relationship.

1) Give Love in Your Partner's Communication Mode:

Robby Bilton, Director of the Centre For Life Management describes a Communication Mode as follows:

"Communication is the result you get. Different people are on different channels. We learn, we express love and communicate through different modes or combination of modes. It is important to know who you are playing with, what channel they are playing on or else your communication will not be very effective. We basically all want to get what we want. If you cannot get your message through of what your needs, wants, dreams, goals and visions are, you will be very frustrated and stressed."

One of the best ways to put the spark back in your relationship is by giving or showing love in your partner's communication mode so they will truly pick up, tune in or feel your love.

The following is a brief definition of each of the modes and some suggestions to how to express love: (You can be primarily one mode or a mixture of up to all four.)

Visual people communicate by seeing and doing. They like activities and they like gifts. They notice people, places and things with just the slightest glance. They take things at face value and do not look deeper into things. They feel and share love by doing things with or for other people.

As an example how a Visual person may feel love is if you do something together like go for a walk, do a puzzle, go out for dinner, even wash dishes together, anything where you are doing things together. Another example is if you do something for them, like buy them a gift or do the dishes for them or cooking a special meal for them they would really feel loved.

Auditory people communicate through talking. They have the natural gift of the gab, are designed to be able to talk for long periods of time. They enjoy talking and listening to other people talk. They feel loved when they are talked to, and like to hear the words I love you.

For example an Auditory person would feel loved if you talk with them a lot, listen to music together and they feel love if you tell them you love them as frequently as you can.

Digital people communicate through connection and understanding. They find the deeper meaning in everything they think, see and do. Understanding is very important to them. They feel loved when they share connections with others and are understood.

Digital people feel loved when they share connections with others and are understood. They will feel loved if you seek to understand them, help them to understand something that is on their mind, or share something deep about what you are thinking about with them so they feel connected to you.

Kinesthetic people communicate through their bodies. They move, feel and express through their bodies. Kinesthetics love to touch people and things around them and like physical activities and physical forms of affection such as hugging. They feel loved when they are touched. Each Kinesthetic person has their own unique way that they like to be touched, I don't mean in a sexual way, but they just have a unique way how they feel loved through being touched.

For example, some Kinesthetic people feel loved when they are hugged, or if you hold their hand or put your hand on their back, shoulder or leg, or touch their hair or kiss them on the forehead.

With all the communication modes, feel free to ask them how they feel loved if you are ever in doubt and just keep in mind it is how they feel loved not how you would feel loved or how you think they would feel loved.

2) Routines:

In Cucan Pemo's e-book "How To Retrieve a Lover" she explains the importance of developing daily rituals with your partner by doing things together every day, such as sharing morning coffee together so you are connecting intellectually as well as emotionally on a regular basis.

We can take it a step further and suggest daily routines that will become habits that touch on your partner's communication modes.

For example, with my significant other, he is Auditory so every morning when we wake up I'll say "I love you", I will say it again a few times during the day and I always say "I Love you" before we go to bed.

He knows I'm Kinesthetic so we always snuggle in the morning before getting up. He will also hug me on occasion during the day and will hug me before we go to bed.

Both of us are continuously feeling loved in our own communication modes and nothing can reignite the flame then by truly feeling loved.

3) Do Activities That Focus on Each Other:

With all the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it is hard to find time to focus on each other and totally connect.

So make an agreement to do activities together where you can focus directly on each other, not a day at the park with the kids or a football game with another couple, but share breakfast together, go on a date or on a walk together, anything where you will feel like you did when you first met each other.

4) Have Fun Together:

People, who play together, stay together. By having fun together, you get to share an experience together while having fun and connecting.

Do things that make each others laugh and act like big children. Tickle each other, play tag, have a water fight, water balloon fight or pillow fight.

The laughing will release serotonin, the feel good chemical and for males it will release dopamine which is needed in order to reignite a spark in them like they felt when they had the challenge of pursing or courting you when you were first dating.

5) Get Out Your Emotions Together:

I was watching a movie called "Force of Nature" (Directed by Bronwen Hughes, DreamWorks SKG, Roth-Arnold Productions, 1999) With Ben Affleck and Sandra Bullock. Ben Affleck character named Ben was engaged to another woman, and Sandra Bullock's character named Sarah was a free spirit trying to avoid her abusive boyfriend. They met each other while traveling and kept bumping into each others.

There was a scene where Ben and Sarah were standing on top of a train that was stopped over a canyon with a river below. The two of them were having fun yelling on the top of their lungs. I was thinking, "Hmm, that sure looks like that would be a great way to get all their blocked emotions out."

Then I started thinking about couples and probably one of the reasons couples scream at each others when they are arguing is to get all their built up emotions out.

So then I thought, "Well, wouldn't it be a good idea if a couple could get their emotions out together but not at each other?"

So that's when I realized that a couple should go together to a secluded spot in a park, forest, field, cliff or hills and give out a big huge scream or yell on the top of their lungs.

You and your partner can take turns or yell at the same time. Yell out at nature, not each others, let all the blocked emotions that are holding your passion back and let nature absorb it for you - it's a very refreshing and bonding experience.

So by focusing on these simple and fun ways to connect and share with each other, at the bare minimum you will have some fun and spend time together. However, more than likely you will be able to share the passion, romance and spark that the two of you had in the beginning of your relationship.

On the Brink of A Relationship Break Up? What To Do Next

If you are now facing rocky times in your relationship, you could very well be on the brink of a break up. What can you do to bring it back?

The first step is to take inventory - what is going on in your relationship and why? It is critical to identify the internal workings of your relationship and your persistent communication patterns. These paterns run deep and have a tremendous impact on how each discussion tends to go. You might already be aware of the communication grooves that run deep in your long-term relationship.

The fact is that your relationship is in its current state due to the sum total of things that were said and things that were done in the past. When you look back over the past few weeks, identify the tone and the trend in your relationship communications. Were the past few interactions respectful? Constructive? Healing? Or, not so much? If you continue on your current trajectory, then where you will your relationship be?

Explore Your Communication Patterns

Many couples settle into a predictable pattern in their communications. How would you characterize your communication pattern?

Do the same set of issues keep coming up repeatedly?
Or is it multiple issues that seem to defy resolution?
Are you able to talking civilly about the key issues?
Or has communication all but shut down?
Are your love's core values significantly different from your own?
Are you truly compatible in likes and interests?
Are you truly on the brink?

The Most Important Element

What's most important right now is to decide whether you both truly want to reconcile. Without that joint commitment, the relationship is on shaky ground. And even if you both want to reconcile, do you want to reconcile with the same relative intensity? This indicates the level of balance in your relationship. If one is very eager to reconcile and the other one is indifferent, your relationship is on very uneven footing. Resolve this difference before you move forward with your reconciliation efforts.

Your relationship affects every dimension of your health and happiness; it makes a great deal of difference when you are happy and secure in your relationship. So what will it take for you to get your relationship back on track? If you are truly on the brink, step back and think. Take some time, get some perspective.
What values matter to both of you (e.g., honesty, fidelity, compassion)?

What is truly at stake here? What does your relationship mean to you?
What was you life like before this relationship?
How has this relationship benefited you?
How have your lives become intertwined?
What do you see in your future?

Where to Start

Key aspects of your relationship need to be explored through calm, considerate conversation. Core values hold the key to your relationship; if your core values are aligned it significantly increases your chances of success.

Another step involves re-opening the lines of respectful conversation. Having a calm,issues-oriented conversation can shed new light on your on-going relationship problems. Think back to the last time that you had a curious considerate conversation? Now set up a conflict-free zone where any issue can be brought up in a non-combative manner. Dedicate 30 minutes to get to the bottom of each issue with no interruptions. If you are unable to resolve an issue in a single session - decide together what your options are going forward, including:

Let it go
More discussion
More research
Resolve it.

If more information is needed, set a date and time to proceed. Both of you need to agree to wait until that assigned time to bring this particular issue up again. Both of you need to commit to an ambush-free zone. You will discover that when you establish a safe communication environment, many more relationship issues can be discussed and resolved BEFORE they erupt into a full-scale argument.

If you are working through a relationship break up - or if you are trying to avoid one - respectful communication can make a big difference in your outlook and in your results.

Just Say No to the Status QuoTM

Check out Donna Marie’s new book at http://www.BouncingBackFromLoss.com

Looking to bounce back from a break up? Checkout the e-book: “Bouncing Back From A Break Up : 7 Essential Steps to Creating a Newly Empowered You” available now at http://www.BouncingBackNow.com/store

3 Reasons Why You Should Avoid Discussing the Past in Arguments

One of the mistakes we all make in our arguments and disagreements with loved ones is bringing up the past. How many times have you been talking to your partner about an important issue, in a pleasant tone, only to have them raise their voices and complain about events that happened ages ago? Or perhaps you're the one who can't focus and constantly references past events. Either way, it's a bad habit that needs to be broken. Here are 3 reasons why you shouldn't bring up the past in arguments.

1. It creates resentment

Every time you bring up that thing your husband did 3 years ago, it not only derails the discussion, but it creates a lot of resentment. Being unable to forgive someone for the past means you're constantly rejecting that part of them. People make mistakes, it's a fact. In other for healing to occur you have to learn to let go. The next time you feel the urge to bring up something that isn't related to the discussion, stop it! You'll find that you are able to communicate much more effectively and your partner with appreciate that too.

2. It prevents the real issue from being discussed

If you're arguing about something, then it's obvious there is an underlying issue. It may not be what you think it is, but it exists nonetheless. Every time you bring up the past, you prevent discussion of what's really going on. In order for anything good to come out of a disagreement, the real issue must be kept in mind. Forget about why you started arguing, and you'll spiral off into a mindless mud slinging fest.

How many times have you forgotten the real reason that you're arguing? People can get so angry about the past that the actual reason for the argument in the first place gets completely covered up. You talk about his fling with your friend before you met, he says you have a crush on his best friend, and you find yourself so deep in mud that you can't move an inch. No movement means no progress. Watch out!

3. Your argument will never get resolved

The natural side effect of not discussing the real issue and continually bringing up the past is that the argument will never get solved. It will keep lingering on in your relationship, like a horrible chronic migraine that won't leave you alone. Worse yet, each time it returns, you probably won't even discuss the real issue. It will have been covered up by layers upon layers of past issues that also probably weren't solved for the same reason.

It's clear that in order to effectively communication, you have to remain on point. You can't keep bringing up the past and expect progress. Some of the natural outcomes of this include the build-up of resentment, prevention of key issues being discussed, and a complete lack of real problem solving. If you have an argument, focus on what it's about and solve it! The quicker you do that, the faster you can get back to what's really important: love.

Fred Tracy runs a personal development website where he shares his tips and insights about anything from inner peace and spirituality to finances and finding your purpose.

Truth Behind Why Men Cheat On Their Wives!

So why do men cheat on their wives? There are many answers to this question and a lot of times, it's not exactly what women would like to hear, such as men are biologically wired to seek out as many suitable partners as possible or because they're not getting as much action at home or it's due to the reason that his wife refuses to try new things, there could be many reasons along these lines.

These arguments might be true in some circumstances but not all the time. What we're going to do is to look a little deeper into the whole relationship dynamics of a typical marriage to analyze what might have went wrong.

Everyone has their own image of an ideal relationship with their partner and what it would look and feel like. However, the reality is that at certain times you may feel that you've given your partner all that you can give, yet you wonder what more could you give to prevent them from cheating.

To get a better understanding of this, let's look at the 80/20 ratio and how it relates to marriage expectations and commitments. The rule states that many times you may have felt that you're giving 100% to the relationship, but this might only account for 80% of the ideal relationship that your partner had in mind. That means 20% of what you're doing might not be aligned with his picture of a perfect marriage where all his needs are satisfied.

Of course, this is not your fault as there is hardly a marriage where both partners can fully satisfy each others every need at 100%. Thus, a lot of room is needed for compromise. You may also consider whether your husband can provide for 100% of your own needs.

This is not to say that, since you can't provide that extra 20% that his more inclined to find someone else who can. Generally men are quite happy and satisfied with being with a wife who could provide for 80% of all his needs, and he may have no motivation to seek out someone else who could only provide that extra 20%.

The only time, which a man might be tempted to seek that missing 20% is when the situation and opportunity presented itself for him to experience what it's like. And so he will feel that someone you could not offer him that 20% which he's missing, therefore, he'd be more inclined to see in other women.

This 80/20 ratio is not something that's scientific it's simply a tool to illustrate the point that marriages is an agreement for an exchange in needs and value between two people, whereby each person fulfills certain needs of the other.

A truly lasting marriage will involve each person aspiring to work towards providing and fulfilling every aspect of their partners needs until that 20% is fully accounted for. Many cheaters would come to discover too late that instead of seeking out another person, they could have worked on that 20% that they felt was missing with their spouse.

That's why many people who've committed an affair, would've regret their rash decisions and realized that they've risked losing that 80% of fulfillment that their partner can provide for a measly 20% from someone else. For those who feel neglecting in the area of perhaps, excitement or fun from something new, and searched to fulfill that need by cheating, that "fun" really isn't all the cracked up to be, when they realized the rift in the relationship that they've caused.

If you're suffering from an affair, experiencing a lack of attention to your needs, unable to communicate with your partner, losing trust and feeling insecure about your marriage then this one program on how to survive an affair can save you from this pain and heart ache, please visit http://www.howtosurviveanaffairblog.com to find out more.

What Matters To You

What Matters To You
By Heidi Cornelissen


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I forgot a friend’s birthday this month. A friend that I’ve known for over 20 years.

I really have no excuse, as it just so happens that 7 birthdays of close friends and family fall in the first week of January. So I’m usually prepared for this week and quite aware of each birthday on each day. But this year, I slipped up with her birthday which fell on the Saturday.

So, early on the Sunday morning (my time) I received a text message asking, “Are you OK? Just wondering why you forgot my birthday.”

I felt terrible!
But at the same time also a little in awe at her response. She was concerned, not angry.
She could’ve been hurt, upset or chosen to sulk with me, but didn’t. Instead her initial reaction was the question “Are you OK?”

Why I particularly noticed this was because I’ve come across the flip side of this situation. I’ve seen someone who received multitudes of Facebook messages, calls and emails on her birthday – choose instead to focus her attention on being angry at the one person who hadn’t contacted her.
Aren’t we funny beings?

It’s a fact that when you’re remembered, you feel important and that you matter. You feel that you’re worth remembering.
To better understand this, ask yourself, ‘When you’ve been forgotten, how do you feel?’
But remember, as always that in every situation you have a choice as to how you behave. Although you may FEEL hurt, THINK they’ve forgotten you – your response to all of this is your CHOICE.
Yes - A conscious choice.

So how do you react when you feel hurt or hard-done-by?
Is it because you feel that others don’t treat you correctly? They don’t treat you as you feel you ‘should be’ treated? Should be treated according to your own standards and expectations.

It’s a natural part of our human existence to have expectations of others. (Remembering friends’ birthdays is one of them). With my coaching clients, this often comes up as one of many self-imposed ‘rules’ for being good.

But once again, as with behavioural choice, how you handle the expectations you place on others says more about you than the actual event or interaction does. For example, the way my friend responded to me says volumes more about her love, compassion, understanding and maturity than it does about my forgetfulness. Or about the fact that I could be considered a ‘bad friend’.
Her first point of call was concern and love. She assumed something had happened instead of engaging in a pity-party with herself. She felt no need to subtly ‘punish’ me. Calling this punishment may strike you as being extreme, but if you’re honest you’ll admit that it’s not an unfamiliar response to feeling hurt.
Humans are for the most part sensitive creatures who feel hurt quite easily. If you’ve taken something on board and feeling hurt, have a look at how your perception of yourself has been quashed. It is natural instinct to want to make yourself feel better.

Feeling like this merely means that you’re allowing someone else’s opinion about who you are to matter more than your own opinion. You’re allowing yourself to believe that you’re (a) unliked (b) unwanted (c) unaccepted (d) not good enough (e) unimportant or (f) anything else that may be relevant to you.

The sad truth however is that being hurt often develops (an oftentimes subconscious) need to retaliate.
Retaliation can range from simple gossiping or sulking to pre-meditated revenge.
Sounds a bit like a playground doesn’t it?

Take this opportunity to have a look at how you behave in circumstances of hurt:
• How do you choose to respond?
• Is there currently anything that you feel ‘hard-done by’? Does it serve you or can you let it go?
• What expectations do you hold regarding how people should treat- and think about you?
• Where are you choosing to invest your energy and focus? Is it worth it?

Wouldn’t it just be easier to approach things with Love & Compassion as an instinctual response instead of spending so much energy protecting yourself from hurts?
Dr Wayne Dyer often says “What other people think of you is none of your business”.
It’s important to rely on your own self. To build your own trust.

Stephanie Dowrick says that inner trust makes the difference to being happy. Not only trust in what the world can see, but in who you most fundamentally are; a being of intrinsic value.

I’d add onto that and say that inner trust makes all the difference to happiness, success, love, personal freedom and authenticity.
And aren’t these the things that really matter, instead?

Stephanie Dowrick explains further that ‘Building trust from the inside out, self-knowledge frees you from the prison of self-absorption and the pain of constant self-questioning.’
Doesn’t that add value to the childhood saying ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words (or behaviours) can never hurt me’?

How would you like to change your pre-conditioned playground behaviour and rather build firm foundations based on who you really are – valuing all the parts of yourself?
Give yourself permission to be everything. Even the forgetful part!
And then, miraculously, from that platform your first instinctual reaction to feelings of rejection or hurt becomes love, concern and compassion for others.

Our attitude toward life determines life’s attitude towards us.
John N Mitchell


Find out more about Completely Human with its services & products on www.completelyhuman.com.

Tap into the Magic of Making Up

“There's nothing better than make-up sex,” Joe's friends tell him. Joe and his wife, Elizabeth, had a huge argument a couple of days ago.

He wasn't completely honest about where he'd been and she found out. She became jealous after discovering Joe's lie and accused him of cheating. Joe pointed out that this is exactly why he lied about meeting a female business associate for lunch-- because Elizabeth gets jealous so easily.

He defended that he was just trying to avoid causing Elizabeth worry and was also trying to prevent a big blow up like this one.

The whole thing ended with Elizabeth throwing Joe out of the house...at least for a couple of days while she clears her head. It's been a couple of days since their argument. Joe called Elizabeth and she agreed that he could come home so that they can talk.

Joe is nervous. He knows from past experience that making up after a fight can, at least temporarily, bring them closer together and-- to agree with his friend-- he and Elizabeth do tend to make love more passionately just after they've made up.

However, Joe doesn't know how many more big blow ups their marriage can handle. He wants to make up with Elizabeth in a way that will last and also to figure out how to be close and passionate with one another without having to fight first.

There can be real magic in making up after an argument or disagreement.

You may have experienced this in your own love relationship or marriage. When you and your partner offer and hear heart-felt, sincere apologies, the closeness is keenly felt. It is delicious to feel that re-connection between you and your love after some kind of resolution has been reached.

The real magic, however, is not so much in the “make up” sex or the tender hugs and loving words. The magic is in a reconciliation that helps you, your partner and your relationship actually grow.

It can mean the difference between truly moving closer together as a couple and only temporarily calling a truce on those relationship dynamics that tear you two apart.

Here are some of the potential benefits of making up and how you can open up to them...

A deeper understanding of yourself.
As you think back to the events that led up to the disconnection, disagreement or blow up that happened between you and your partner, you have an opportunity.

You can fixate on everything that your mate did that was “wrong,” “out of line” or “hurtful” or you can acknowledge what you BOTH did.

Let us be clear here...

We're not saying that the fact that your partner lied, put you down, cheated or whatever it is that he or she said or did was okay and that you need to forget about it. What we are encouraging you to do is to be aware of what you did too.

Try to gain a deeper understanding of why you acted or reacted in the ways that you did to the situation. What were you feeling and what were the beliefs that drove you to make the choices you did in the situation?

Try to set aside your judgment about who was “right” and who was “wrong.” Instead, focus in on what motivated you and what your past and current needs are.

It could be that you need more attention, respect, a feeling of connection, information or some form of support. Identify what your specific needs are and how they may have played a role in your choices to act and react in the ways that you did (and possibly continue to do).

The dissolving of relationship walls.
By knowing your needs and better understanding your motivations, you can acknowledge to your partner your share in what happened. When either (and hopefully both) of you own your role in the disconnecting dynamic, the walls and distance between you can dissolve.

The trick here is to take responsibility for your share of the dynamic with honesty and integrity. Don't try to assume “blame” for everything that happened. At the same time, resist the urge to point out all of your partner's habits that seem to you to have led to the situation or argument.

When one or both of you feel attacked and defensive, more walls come up. In much in the same way, when one or both of you are guilt-ridden and trying to assume sole blame, walls and resentment can also form.

None of this will help you and your partner move closer together and reconcile in the way that you want to.

If you feel like your mate is not taking responsibility for his or her share of what happened, be honest about that. You could talk about how you felt when your partner said or did __________ as a way to express your emotions about the choices that your partner made.

“I feel” statements are an effective way to be honest about your experience of what happened (and is possibly still happening) without pushing your version of the story on your mate.

As you and your partner stay in tune with yourselves and speak about what is true for each of you and also express your needs, you can have a sharing and listening breakthrough. You can both feel heard and better understood. You can both feel like your perspective is respected, even if it is different.

This kind of making up requires awareness, patience and persistence. The more you practice communicating in this way, however, the more you will feel the real magic that is possible in a close, connected relationship.


Susie and Otto Collins help people create more connected, loving relationships and are the authors of the communication programs: Stop Talking on Eggshells and Magic Relationship Words, among others. For a free report from Susie and Otto about how to reverse what you don’t like in your relationship, visit Relationship Reverse Report

Advice for long distance relationships

All relationships,even the best ones, have their problems. Even a happly married couple who have been together for a long time have their ups and downs. One of the trickiest type of relationships to have is a long distance one. Many relationships hit a rocky patch which tests it and may lead to it's demise, but long distance relationships have more problems than most even if the couple are blissfully in love, totally committed and very compatible. Advice for long distance relationships are sometimes needed to make sure that things remain happy and work out. As a professional agony aunt with a great deal of experience of selling advice to couples and single people about how to get relationships and how to make them work out here are my tips for long distance relationships, whether you are already in such a relationship or thinking of getting into one..

BEFORE getting in deep with this please stop and have a long hard look at whether or not this person is truly the one, if they are worth all of the problems and compromises that a long distance set up involves or are you simply going along with what they want and what suits them? If you have a lot of love and time to give to a partner and they have an extremely busy life where other things come first with them then perhaps it is better to finish it now before you end up feeling very side tracked and neglected.

Then remind yourself that when it is like this it is very difficult to truly get to know each other. People who see each other a lot can get to know each other totally and much quicker than people who meet up with each other. You will not find out their faults straight away, it may take a long time, you might want to idealise the whole idea of seeing them like this, as if it is a fairy tale, yet they are still just another human being and there are plenty of those out there that can give you a better commitment or more time. When you meet up for a few days now and then you can get caught up with the excitement of missing them and longing for them yet really it is still a stranger you are meeting up with. If your lover or partner is going to be very busy then please do not make the mistake of sitting on the sidelines waiting for them to fit you in. If they think they can decide to phone you sometime tomorrow then if you want to go out go out, do not hang around in case they ring or want to see you, do not be a doormat. Yes you have missed them and you long to see them but if they do not feel the same way it is too one sided and they are using you. Never ever give a total commitment to someone you have not seen a lot of and got to know properly and have not known for a long time.

If someone who works away wants you to get engaged and promise to be faithful to them till they return, maybe a soldier, unless you know for a fact you are both in love and they will really miss you and be faithful to you too say no, otherwise you will be doing all the worrying and waiting and they will be having all of the fun and if they know you are sitting around waiting they start to take you for granted and do not appreciate you anymore. They will work harder at being there for you and pleasing you if you are a person in your own right with a mind of your own and a life of your own.

The key to making a long distance relationship work is... making sure you are with someone who is worth it... making sure you are both equally involved and serious.. making sure you are compatible with each other and have the same goals for your relationship and the future.. making sure the relationship is a healthy part of your relationship so that you are focused on other things and happy when you are apart.

That concludes THIS article on advice for long distance relationships.

Charlotte Craig is at http://www.askagonyaunt.com. She is a famous agony aunt who has helped famous people and others for many years. She has been praised by journalists, experts and professionals, been asked to write for magazines and newspapers and appear on radio and television. She offers much free online advice plus private online and phone consultations.

Get over an ex

You were happy and now it has all gone wrong. Your ex has decided to finish your relationship. How to get over an ex?! While things were going well you were happy or at least content and you probably had no idea that things would turn out so badly. Either your partner changed and there was no way you could anticipated it or the writing was on the wall and you failed to see it or ignored it in the hope it would go away. They say nothing lasts forever and very few relationships do last for a long time, but this does not ease the heartache you feel when your relationship goes wrong and you breakup. Instead of wanting to change what has happened and what is going on you need to change the way you see things. Were you married, is your ex wanting a divorce? Was it a serious relationship or a casual one? Get things in perspective.

If YOU were the one who decided to end it then at least it was your decision and you were in control and if you change your mind you can probably go back to them, tell them you want them back and retrace the steps so that you are once again together. That is simplying it because there would have been a good reason for you to end it in the first place and returning to them will probably result in it going wrong again eventually. If your partner ended the relationship and caused the breakup then you really are in a bad way. Not only do you have to contend with the fact that you have lost your other half and are now a single unit but you may also have problems with finances, finding somewhere to live, family and friends making comments that you could do without hearing, loss of pride and worrying about the future.

But you can get over this. You really can get over this I promise you. And I will tell you how you get over this breakup so that you can lead a happy life again quickly. Let us take this step by step. How quickly or slowly you progress through those steps will depend on your individual circumstances and how determined you are to get over this break up.

STEP ONE - Make a list of all of the faults, foibles, irritations and bad habits your ex had/has. No matter how well you may have thought you got on there would have been somethings about them that you were putting up with for the sake of the overall picture. Perhaps your ex had a habit of repeating the same sentence regularly, or watching football, or being late, but no person on this earth could spend that much time with you without in some way annoying you at times. Write down every one of those irritations and put it up on the mantel piece or attach it to the fridge so that you see it often and regularly, to remind you of the bad points you have now escaped from. How to get over an ex is all about how you think and taking control.

If your ex had worse faults, such as hitting you, shouting and swearing at you, cheating on you, then ask yourself why on earth you would want to waste time on such a horrible person and work on your confidence issues.

STEP TWO - Remind yourself that you now have freedom. You can now chat to your friend for as long as you like on the phone without getting dirty looks from your ex. You can meet who you want when you want and you have no need to worry about being faithful or what your ex thinks of your new clothes or hair dos. You can get fat, dye your hair purple, eat garlic, travel and a host of other things that having a partner can make difficult. Breaking up has it's advantages.

STEP THREE - Promise yourself that you will not analyse who did what, why they said this and did not say that, why you did not respond different, why it finished, because in a way none of that matters. Either you are together or you are not and looking to apportion blame is futile. You will drive yourself made if you keep going over and over what happened and why. You might work out a good idea of why it went wrong but you may well be wrong. And do not ask your loved ones for their opinions on it. They will be desperate to make you feel better or tell you what you want to hear and they did not really know the person as well as you, so they can only guess. But it is a waste of time to think this way and you are better off moving on. How to get over an ex is about being positive and being your own person.

STEP FOUR - Make a list of all of your good points, you will soon find it is a long list. Also, one man's meat is another man's poison so some of the things that irritated your ex might be things that excite someone else. Your ex may have got fed up with you being a gad about and constantly being on the go while another person might think that is exactly what he is looking for and fall madly in love with you because of this trait. Please do not assume that anything your ex partner took exception to is a fault on your part. Every time you start to lose confidence or hanker for the past remind yourself of how wonderful you are and that you will meet another wonderful person one day.

Your ex partner might have made a fusss about your hobby of collecting thimbles and scattering them about all over the home on various little shelves, spending hours dusting them, where another partner might be fascinated by it.

STEP FIVE - Promise yourself that you will not contact your ex, whether that means texting them, phoning them, writing to them, turning up where they work or where they live or getting someone to pass them notes or messages or spy on them! Tell yourself that you do not want your ex back and they can go and take a running jump and you are better off without them. After all, if your ex was that intelligent and shrewd they would not have dumped you, they would still be with you, and why would you want someone who is stupid? How to get over an ex is about living for today and tomorrow.

Delete your ex-s phone numbers and email addresses, throw away letters, photos and other things that might tempt you to get in touch again. Get rid of anything that might make you wistful to return to the past.

This also applies to revenge! Forget about telling their friends all the gruesome details of what happened or how you caught them in bed with your rival. Forget about trying to get them the sack from their job or throwing a brick through their window. It would give you a five minute rush of delight and then you would have all sorts of misgivings and wonder what to do next. Really all it succeeds in doing is holding you back from a decent future and making you look quite desperate and pathetic.

If your partner went off to someone else tell yourself that this other person is in for a nasty surprise one day when they cheat on them and let them down too. Would you really want to be with someone who is so disloyal and who cannot be more grown up?

Now remind yourself of the exact reasons as to why you do not care or better still are glad that it is over and do not want them back.

Why were you with them in the first place? Was it because you thought you loved each other? Was it because they were someone to see and you hate being single? Was it because you need looking after and they gave you money and somewhere to live? What was so special about them that you cannot provide for yourself or get from someone else. Even if they had been Einstein, Miss World, Donald Trump or Superman there would be things they provided for you that others could and which you can provide for yourself.

Now look at how there is a pay back for them providing this for you. For example, they may have given you some money regularly but in return you might have had to give them sex, even when you had a headache, or cooked them lots of meals, or spent lots of time with them, or listened to them moaning about their job. When you look at it clearly you might find it is better and simpler for you to pay for your own meals rather than give so much in return for so little. How to get over an ex is about being self sufficient and valuing yourself.

At least now you know exactly where you stand, you are no longer worried about the future with your ex. Perhaps your ex was violent or caused arguments or constantly let you down, no more of that.

One lady I used to see as a client when I worked as an agony aunt was very upset when her boyfriend dumped her and the only reason she was upset was because he used to bring her in a bagful of groceries from the supermarket on a saturday in return for spending a weekend with her. Then when I pointed out to her that in return for a few groceries she was losing two days and two nights, giving him sex, cooking, washing and ironing, she realised she was better off without him. If she was going to sell herself to a man she could do a lot better. She was not looking at things from the guy's point of view.

Be realistic but do not let confusion, worry, lack of confidence or negative thoughts get in the way.

Anyway, surely you are gorgeous enough to be able to get the same deal again if that is what you want? But maybe this time with someone better.

If you only want a partner because you hate the idea of being single there are loads of people out there that would jump at the chance of dating you or living with you and many of them may well be a huge improvement than the last one.

How to get over an ex is about not allowing what others want to get in the way of what is best for you. Do not try to turn back the clock and get back with them. Remind yourself of why it finished.

STEP SIX - Make a plan of action for the future which does not include your ex. It may be about work, travelling, your family, your friends and your hobbies, it really does not matter, but realise that you can now do what you want and take advantage of it. There may be things you wanted to do before but were unable to because of your ex not approving and now that you have broken up you have more say in what you do. Become your own best friend as you are someone you know you can trust and rely on. A year from now you will feel much better and be much happier, which would not have been the case if you had stayed together with your ex and pretended everything was alright. It is better that it is ended now rather than that it struggles on for months or longer and then ends.

STEP SEVEN - No matter how awful you feel do not tell people that you want your ex back. Your ex may have been a habit or a bad addiction. You are going through withdrawal symptoms, so treat it like cold turkey and remember you will come out the other end stronger and better. Even if you feel awful keep it hidden and do not let it get back to your ex. Your ex should think that you are happy without them even if you are not. How to get over an ex is about having dignity and holding your head high.

STEP EIGHT - Resolve that if your ex partner tries to come back you will say no. You will not be some saddo who sits by the phone hoping it rings or drives past their place whistfully trying to see who visits them or when they go out. Finished means it is finished, not maybe.

STEP NINE - Decide that you need a breathing space now with no partner at all. Either have casual relationships if the right people turn up at the right place at the right time with the right circumstances that suit you, or be celibate, but stay away from a proper relationship until this last one has totally healed and got out of your system, otherwise you will rush into the wrong thing on the rebound for all of the wrong reasons. An expert would tell anyone who is upset over a break up to take things slowly and consider the option of being single, either on a short term or long term basis. There are people out there who have decided to be single forever and are very happy with that lifestyle.

Remember that you managed without your ex BEFORE you ever met and there may have been times when you were very happy and at peace then, you will feel that way again.

STEP TEN - When you meet someone you like a lot and consider to be a possible future partner be more cautious than you were last time. Last time you thought it was the right person and thought it was working and you were wrong. This time take it slower and be more cautious and do not let anyone else rush you. How to get over an ex is about being sensible and preventing another similar situation in the future. Make a list of the qualities you want in a partner, have standards. If you are a hardworking, law abiding, responsible citizen then perhaps that means you should automatically scrub anyone who is unemployed, has debts, has an addiction to drink or drugs off your list of possibles. If you are young you have a right to insist a partner is young too, if you are single you have a right to demand a partner is totally single. People will take advantage of you if you give them the opportunity, so make sure you set the standards and either they live up to them or they take a running jump. Whereas you can have dozens of friends you can only have one partner so be selective about it.

STEP ELEVEN - Work out why your last relationship went wrong and take at least some of the blame. If your partner was a lazy good for nothing who sat around drinking all day, yes they are to blame, but so are you, for not spotting this BEFORE you got together or for forgiving them and letting them off for too long. By spotting where the last relationship went wrong you can make sure that the same does not happen again.

STEP TWELVE - Think with your head not your heart. Remember that handsome is as handsome does! If you meet a man who has gorgeous twinkly eyes and a six pack that does not mean that he would make you a good partner. You are looking for someone to cherish you and take care of your emotional and mental welfare, as well as your physical needs. A good looking, fit man may be suitable as an ornament or to work as a fitness instructor. An ugly man might love you more and treat you with more respect and consideration. It is far more important to make sure that he respects you, is honest with you, is faithful to you and does his share. Allowing looks, chemistry or lust to sweep you off your feet may be lovely for a short fling but not for a serious long term relationship.

That is how to get over an ex.



Charlotte Craig at http://www.askagonyaunt.com has been a life coach and relationship expert for a long time, helping famous clients, journalists, experts. She has been asked to write for magazines and newspapers and appear on television and radio. Now she is online and offering email and phone consultations and free advice on her site

How to Survive a Sudden Breakup

One minute you feel like you are on top of the world. You have a great relationship with someone that may just be “the one.” You get along great, the relationship is progressing nicely, you get along with each other’s friends and family and then, it all comes to a screeching halt. Just as quickly as it began (maybe even quicker), the relationship is over. If this has happened to you, you realize how difficult it can be to survive a sudden breakup; however, it is not impossible.

Realize that you are going to hurt. There is simply no magical way to make the pain disappear, or to wake up and feel great about what has happened. Especially if the relationship was a long one, the sudden absence of it can feel like a hole in your life. Remember that these feelings are normal. Rather than bottling them up, or trying to ignore them, let them out. Talk with a close friend, write in a journal, cry, whatever it takes to cope with these feelings. Remember, that while these feelings will gradually subside, it is going to take time. Whatever you do, do not turn to a “quick fix” to make the pain go away. Alcohol, drugs, or other similar options, will not actually take the pain away. They will, in fact, only add to it.

It is important to be realistic about the breakup. It is very easy, especially if you were not the one who ended it, to hold out false hope of resuming the relationship. Unfortunately, this can actually prevent you from dealing with your feelings, and serve to extend the pain even longer.

While there may have been a good reason why the relationship ended, such as a fundamental incompatibility, there is also the very real possibility that you may never know the real reason why the relationship ended. It may have been something with the other person that you may never really figure out, because he or she never disclosed that information to you. Do not waste countless hours trying to understand the “why” of the situation.

It is important to keep yourself busy, active and socializing with other people. It is only natural to want to be alone, especially in the immediate aftermath. However, it is important to remember that you need interaction with other people. You need to keep yourself occupied and positive. Sitting at home staring at photos is not going to help you do that.

There is no denying that a sudden breakup can be devastating. Like many things in life, however, the effects can be temporary is you do not dwell on the situation.

Brooke Alexandria offers relationship advice for men and women of all ages, and in all stages of life. Regardless of if you are newly single, a dating veteran or married, you'll surely find useful tips to help you find love, navigate through your relationship and build stronger, long-lasting relationships. Follow Brooke on her journey through relationships at http://truth-about-relationships.blogspot.com.

How to Handle a Partner With a Wandering Eye

Relationships are built on trust, but it can be very difficult to trust your partner if he or she has a frequently wandering eye. However, if your partner has a wandering eye, your relationship is not necessarily doomed. There are ways you can remedy the situation.

It is important to realize that, as humans, we are hard-wired to notice things of beauty, regardless of whether it is something in nature, a work of art or an attractive human being. There is no harm in an occasional glance, but if your partner gawks at other people he or she finds attractive, actually comments about others’ appearances or actually flirts with other people he or she finds attractive, these actions are disrespectful to you and your relationship. These behaviors can potentially leave the partner without the wandering eye feeling unappreciated, threatened and insecure—a recipe for disaster.

It is vital to objectively determine whether your partner is simply, and harmlessly, noticing an attractive person, or whether they truly have a wandering eye, and perhaps are even lusting after another person. If your partner does have a wandering eye, it is important to remember that this is not a problem with you, it is a problem with your partner. No matter how attractive or good-looking you may be, if a person has a wandering eye, they will continue to look at other individuals. Therefore, keeping one’s self-esteem is critical.

If your partner’s eye wanders, it is extremely important to address the issue head-on. In a calm manner, communicate your feelings to your partner. Let them know how their wandering eye is affecting you. Allow for the possibility that your partner may not realize the extent of the problem, or realize that there is a problem at all. Expressing this in a calm manner can lay the groundwork for you to work on this problem as a couple. Once your partner is aware of this, remember that he or she may still require occasional reminders.

If your partner fails to recognize the seriousness of the issue and you are not already married, you should proceed with caution, as this could lead to more serious problems down the road.
If you are already married, you and your spouse may require qualified, third-party help to properly address this issue.

Brooke Alexandria offers relationship advice for men and women of all ages, and in all stages of life. Regardless of if you are newly single, a dating veteran or married, you'll surely find useful tips to help you find love, navigate through your relationship and build stronger, long-lasting relationships. Follow Brooke on her journey through relationships at http://truth-about-relationships.blogspot.com.

We Must First Love Ourselves

Experiencing change helps us to engage and see where and how we have been living our lives. We face so many challenges and the ones that hurt the most are those which affect us personally.

Relationship hurt affects us all differently! Some people can recover quickly and move on to the next stage in their life, while others are emotionally overwhelmed and will choose to stay in that particular place. They will continue to question and torture themselves as to why and how, this has happened. They’ll go over in their head every single thing that has ever been said to them during the relationship (eg . how much I was loved or I never thought in my wildest dream that something like this would happen to us).

Whilst searching for the answer, they would need to look deep within themselves to resolves their thoughts. Emotions are a thing that gets the better of us, and it is how we as individuals choose to deal with the situation at hand in order to heal and move forward with our lives.

Speaking to different sources over a period of time, I notice that when emotions are heightened, it creates fear, self doubt, low self esteem and more importantly rejection of not being loved. During my session with a number of clients, I have noticed a significant increase of young women who are so desperately longing to be loved. And my advice each and every time is LOVE YOURSELF FIRST AND FOREMOST and by doing that; it will be reciprocated back to you. Some find it hard to comprehend, because they shut themselves down and refuse to take on board the advice given to them.

During my research, I have found that a significant number of people hold onto the past, to remind them of the pain and loveless situation they have been in for a number of years. In the face of adversity, they continue to carry the excess baggage from the previous relationship around with them. Trust becomes an issue and the heart is closed not allowing anyone in because of fear. If someone should come into their lives, they may end up blowing hot and cold, distancing themselves and sometimes even going into their shell). During this time the other person may feel rejection and perhaps thoughts of walking away, because of the uncertainty and not knowing where they stand. It may even end up in situation where they end up losing the person who cared and understood the very nature of what they are going through. In order to attract and keep the right relationship, we must look at healing the past and leaving it where it is in order to move forward with life.

Again from my research, I have noticed some clients found it easier to seek help from mediums/psychics or friends to make the decision for them, in as much as how to move forward with their lives. They come back time and time again asking the same questions, looking for that someone outside of themselves to provide them with the answers. You listen to their heartfelt plea, and the ONE thing that clear is that they are waiting to be rescued by the knight in shining armour. This knight in shining armour they believe will be the answer to their prayers and desires. Unfortunately this is not a Hollywood movie , not everyone will be swept off their feet by this elusive knight.

My advice is to try and empower the client, to ask them take back the control. They must first start to look at the very reason how they got themselves into this situation, and believe that they can become better individuals by changing their thought patterns. The universe has a tendency to give back what we give out. It may take time and for some therapy to change attitudes, all depending on the severity of the problem.

It’s important that love does not become overwhelming, as this can push the other person away. Some may even use this vulnerability to their own advantage by playing with the person’s emotion which can have a detrimental effect on their emotional stability

It takes a strong individual to admit that they have a problem and want to get the help that is needed to move forward with their life. This seems to be a common problem in our society, where people are constantly looking for answers externally and neglect the very place they are likely to find them - inside themselves. This delving could ultimately lead to self-love surely a prerequisite to loving another?

Beatrice Elder is a popular Psychic Medium Clairvoyant, Life and Soul Coach, Tarot Card Reader and Stage 2 Reiki Healer. Beatrice features on Psychic Interactive TV.

Beatrice is the founder of Soul Journeying (www.souljourneying.co.uk) and uses her blog (www.blog.souljourneying.co.uk) to discuss a number of issues that affect individuals. Please subscribe to the blog if this article & others written by Beatrice Elder interest you.

How to Keep Your Man Interested in the Relationship

Do you find it hard to keep the relationship with your man and afraid that you are losing the connection with him? Keeping a relationship is hard but if you really love your man, it is important to put an effort to find out what do men want and how to keep your man interested.

Love him. Of course one sure way to keep your man interested is to love him. Let him know that you love him by your words and actions. Make him feel loved but do not over do it. You may scare him away if you appear too needy. Love him and let him love you too in return. Do not tell him what to do and do not expect too much. Men want to feel loved and want the freedom to express the love he has for you.

Give your man some air to breathe. Although you want to know everything about you man or you want to tag along with him all the time, be reasonable and give him his space. While staying in a relationship, they need some freedom from time to time to do the things they want to do, of course, without putting your relationship in trouble. You do not want to suffocate him and to get tired of you. This way you can keep your man interested in the relationship.


Do not annoy him or check on him all the time. He needs your trust letting him to do what he wants and need to do. Calling him all the time at work or monitoring his every move will make him feel bad. Like you, he is a grown human being that needs respect. He also needs privacy once in a while. You cannot keep your man interested just by stalking him or calling him all the time.

Do your own thing. While it is important that couples do things together, there are situations that you have to do things on your own. Do not expect that he will accompany you in everything that you want to do. You can ask him but you cannot force him to be with you all the time. There are things that women enjoy but men don´t and you have to respect that if you want to keep your man interested in you.

Although you are both in a relationship, you are two individuals who need respect. Respect him as the way you want to be respected.

Do you want to learn how to keep your man interested and by your side forever? Visit Win A Love Back

To know more about relationships visit The Best Love Guide

Gerry Restrivera writes informative articles on various subjects including How to Keep Your Man Interested in the Relationship. You are allowed to publish this article in its entirety provided that author's name, bio and website links must remain intact and included with every reproduction.

Coping With A Break Up Isn’t Easy, But Here Are Some Secrets That Will Help

Dealing with a bad breakup can be one of the worst things you’ll experience in your life. However, there are things you can do to deal with a break up. Time is a great healer, but if you need that extra push in the right direction then follow these tips:

Coping With Break Up Tip #1 To start with, take some time for yourself and learn to enjoy being on your own. Chances are, it would be very tough right now to see your ex-girlfriend, so make sure you keep your distance. Go on a vacation or just stop talking to her completely--anything that will get you away from her while the breakup is still fresh. If you try to speak to her then it will likely make it harder and more difficult to deal with the pain of break up. If there are places you might run into your ex then don't go to those places.

Coping With Break Up Tip #2 Getting things that bring back memories of her out of sight and therefore out of mind is a key factor to helping you move on. Trash all old photos that remind you of her and any presents she got you while you were together. I know that it may not be practical to throw out everything that reminds you of her, but at least put it in a box and stash it away in the closet or somewhere that you won’t find it easily. It's very important to not think about your ex-girlfriend after a break up so you need to get rid of reminders or at least hide them out of sight. Make sure that anything left is given to her by a friend or in the mail.

Coping With Break Up Tip #3: Finding time for friends and family who love you is key at this point after a break up. Having great friends to be there for you will help you ease back into single-life again. Try to make an effort to visit your family on weekends perhaps. While you were in a relationship you probably had less time for them, so try to rebuild those connections now. It's possible that they might even offer help if you're struggling after breaking up.

Coping With Break Up Tip #4 Next is to make sure you channel your emotions properly. Who created the myth that men can't cry? Release your feelings trapped inside. Working out is a great way to release any hurt feelings, as too is writing down what you're feeling in a journal. You must always remember that it's perfectly healthy to express your emotions in these ways as long as you don't hurt others or yourself in the process.

Coping With Break Up Tip #5 The final step is to improve yourself and increase your self-confidence after a break up. Make the most of the break up to start doing things that you’ve wanted to do for a long time, but maybe you just never got around to because you were in a relationship or just didn’t have time for before. Maybe you could put in some overtime at the office and earn that promotion. Maybe this is a great chance to sign up for those Spanish classes you’ve been thinking of for a few months now. Working on improving yourself is a great way to help you rebuild your self-esteem and confidence following a breakup. You will be able to start your life again and feel fantastic if you do things you love.

You probably won’t recover from your breakup overnight, but with a little patience and attention to putting yourself on-track for a better life, you’ll find that things get easier every day. It's always hard to cope with the pain that often comes after getting dumped. Taking these steps to move on is the first thing you need to do and make a better life.

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If you found this article helpful and you'd like to learn more about how to get over a girlfriend, check out the website Get Back My Girlfriend, which is full of great relationship advice tips and resources.

Steve Steiner enjoys helping men deal with the conflicts and challenges they experience in relating with women and helping them form successful relationships.

How to Get Love Back - Should Relationship Guidance Really Work Like Magic?

Relationship repair has become an effective device considered necessary by the prosperous and famous, husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends. Sometimes those who are newly married even curiously comprehend themselves desperate to learn how to get love back because nearly EVERY one of us sweats from an occasional romantic blunder.

Yet, seldom does a lover come forth and say that she or he DELIBERATELY executes such mistakes. In truth, almost no romantic partner eternally falls short on understanding, kindness, affection, or mutual respect with malicious will.

This is a small portion of what makes fixing a relationship so very difficult to try and do sometimes. The usual relationship problems repeatedly develop from a single and almost UNIVERSAL common cause -- which is, forthcoming companions possess ways, habits, predilections, beliefs, principles, and methods of managing life that become entrenched in the mind long before you could ever get together with that person.

Believe it or not, there are useful approaches already in circulation on how to get love back as well as make partnership problems expire. Still, such revelations completely necessitate your acceptance as well as ATTACHMENT to an important real-life fact.

The key is that, in letting go of your mate physically, mentally, and emotionally, you reap added powers of relationship self-confidence, mutual reliance, plus the ongoing longing to come together, touch, and talk once again. For countless romantic partners, this really is a terribly complex relationship guidance "pill" to swallow.

You realize, nonetheless, deep down inside, essentially no romantic partner desires to feel:

-- Overcrowded or smothered . . .

-- Mistrusted or suspected . . .

-- Overlooked or not listened to . . .

Can you recognize where this relationship repair methodology tip is heading? We can pay couples therapists a huge number of dollars for trying to extract the most reliable and straightforward solution for achieving and maintaining ongoing romantic bliss.

In plain vocabulary, nonetheless, discovering how to get love back -- and even better, NOT HAVING TO LOSE IT, genuinely comes right down to treating another person in a manner very similar to how YOU would want to be treated. The "catch" to the oh-so-simplistic relationship guidance solution is that YOU almost always have to be the FIRST person to begin making this type of move, and you have got to replicate it over and again.

Even when an individual does NOT reciprocate and respond equally or fairly, YOU cannot stop doing what is true for love to flourish. This relationship repair solution is a tremendously SOLID one -- it truly works, like a miracle does.

But, finding out how to get love back requires time... the necessary time to acquire it, to establish it, to repeat it, plus the time it takes to allow YOURSELF to grow confident enough to ACCEPT the rewards it gives you. Are you aware that there are some people who constantly feel that just about any mistake their partner makes is their own fault?

In actuality, nearly nothing might be further from the truth. After employing the relationship repair or relationship guidance principle of "doing everything one can reasonably do to lift your loved one up and make her or his day the best one possible..." there is usually no room for counterproductive or negative thoughts within your companionship.

The principle on how to get love back works very very similar to that of "...darkness and light cannot exist in the same space at exactly the same time." True, is it not?

This amorously attracting LIGHT comprises the continual action of elevating your loved one. When partners JOINTLY complete this action in the same place at the same instances, the "fall-outs" of negative romantic deliberation or exploit just are not able to strike.

Do you think you're prepared to turn over a new leaf for your relationship and try something that can re-instill secure promise, stability, and peace for you and your romantic mate?

Press Here for Effective and Loving E-Book Relationship Repair Guidance On How To Get Your Love Back and Make Problem Relationships A Thing of the Past!