What Are Your Sex Expectations? 20 Ideas Of Discussion For Sex Expectations

Our lives are full of expectations, dreams and goals we want to accomplish. We all have expectations, dreams and goals for our marriage and many of those are in the area of sex. Unfortunately, many couples never take time to sit down and actually discuss their sex expectations. We may feel embarrassed about some of our expectations or even think that our spouse might think we are "dirty" or "perverted". Therefore, we stay quiet and only dream about our expectations and even get frustrated with our spouse because they can't figure it out. God created sex for enjoyment not just for procreation and I believe that the best sex is married sex. Yet, many couples miss out on enjoying each other erotically. The lack of discussing our sex expectations can sometimes even lead to fantasizing about acting out our sexual desires with someone other than our spouse. It is a tragedy that those fantasies and desires are as close our bedroom yet so far away because we don't talk about them.

All couples enter marriage with their sex expectations regarding frequency, endurance, performance, sex positions, locations, and what types of sex you will engage in. The stereotype is that most men dream about their wife being that wonderful classy lady in public but a woman gone wild in bed ready to attempt any sexual act possible. In reality, many times it is the wife who has these sexual flames of desire for her husband and how he will be a Tarzan in the bedroom. It is not always the man who has the strongest sexual desires.

Almost every couple wants a healthy and fun sex life. How about you? Why are you putting off talking about your sex expectations? These expectations can be silent for years in a marriage creating frustrations that show up in many areas of the marriage. I disagree with those that say sex is not that important in marriage. If it is not important why can it create serious frustrations and issues in marriage? Also, if it is not important then why do couples with good sex have healthier relationships and lives? Research proves that good sex helps make a good marriage.

Here are some questions and thoughts you can discuss about your sex expectations:
1. What are some challenges related to your sex life?
2. Is quality or quantity most important?
3. How much is enough?
4. What is the sexiest thing about your spouse?
5. What is the sexiest thing about you?
6. When do I feel most sexy?
7. What really turns me on?
8. My fantasies include......
9. I want to have more......
10. What would you like to change or improve in our sex?
11. I would like to attempt new sex positions such as....
12. What do you think about masturbation together or individually?
13. To me foreplay means....
14. Should we add sex toys to our sex play?
15. What about sleeping nude?
16. Something I think about a lot related to sex that might surprise you is.....
17. On a scale of 1 to 10 my orgasms usually rank.....
18. Our sex seems boring to me because....
19. My thoughts on quickies are....
20. Something I love about our sex life is.....

These are just a few topics of sex expectations you can discuss. The list will grow once you get started. If you increase your communication skills and reach deeper levels of intimacy outside the bedroom your enjoyment of sex in the bedroom and anywhere else you can imagine having it will become very satisfying!

I have heard it said "As your sex life goes, so goes the rest of your relationship." How is your sex life? Are you talking about your sex expectations?

Is Your Relationship Sizzling or Lukewarm?

Is Your Relationship Sizzling or Lukewarm?
Dr. Erica Goodstone
By Dr. Erica Goodstone


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* Is YOUR Relationship bubbling, simmering or lukewarm?
* Are you feeling sexy, desirable, and passionate?
* Is your partner showing you the interest and attention you desire?

In a recent professional list serve discussion, one of my colleagues, Julian Slowinski, PsyD, shared with us his remedy, solution and recipe for nurturing desire and greater intimacy in relationships. He suggests that couples can remain “erotically (and otherwise) connected by applying the 4 T’s of Time, Talk, Touch, and Trust. The 4 T’s help create an environment of closeness, including (playful erotic promises), which tends to increase partner availability for sexual experiences.” Find out more ins this scintillating book, “Keeping the Erotic Pot Bubbling” (Milsten & Slowinski), The Sexual Male: Problems and Solutions, WW Norton, 1999, Chap.36)

Time

How much quality time are YOU spending with your spouse, live in partner or significant other? Is this quality time together or is it time shared with family, friends, business associates, children or other non-shared, non-intimate activities? Do you create and share exciting, adventurous and novel activities or are you stuck in a rut of non-activity or monotonous routines?

Talk

When you talk with your partner, what is the quality of your speaking contact? Do you sparkle at each other’s words, adding a hint of joyful promise or do you focus on the mundane details of daily living that drain the excitement out of your conversations? Do you speak in lilting, loving terms or do you disparage, criticize or in some way show less than optimal appreciation for each other? And – do you take the time to talk about what really matters to your partner as well as to yourself? Do you talk about it or avoid talking about it, hoping it will just go away? Do you whisper sweet nothings? Do you call and leave enticing messages on the phone? Do you send intriguing texts that make your partner smile, blush, feel warm all over or laugh out loud? Or do you really believe that none of this matters and your partner will just have to accept you the way you are, take it or leave it?

Touch

How often do you and your partner touch? Do you gently brush your partner’s face or hair, lightly touch his or her shoulder when you pass by, or stop briefly for a warm and cuddly hug? Do you rub your partner’s tired feet, soothe your partner’s aching neck, or give an all out back or shoulder or full body rub just to help your partner feel relaxed? Is your touch ALWAYS a prelude to further sexual contact or do you often touch just for the sake of tender loving care? And what is the texture and quality of your touch? Do you enjoy touching and being touched merely for the sensations and the sense of being close?

Trust

Is your relationship a safe place to be? Can you say what you truly feel and express it in a way that is natural for you, without the fear of receiving a backlash of criticism and defensive verbal (or even physical) retaliation? Do you trust that your partner shares the truth with you and would tell you if something out of the ordinary was to occur, e.g., contact with an ex-lover or unexpected texts from an attractive person? Do you trust that your partner has your best interests at heart, truly loves you, and wants you to feel happy, uplifted and good about yourself? Do you trust that your relationship has lasting potential and that you both want to remain together? Do you trust yourself to be the best person you can be with this partner?

If you truly want to keep your relationship stimulating and passionate, then take the time now to apply the 4 T’s. You will be delighted you did. BE FOREWARNED. If you choose to ignore the 4 T’s, you are entering dangerous relationship territory and satisfaction is NOT guaranteed.
Author's Bio

Dr. Erica Goodstone, a Healing Through Love Mentor, has helped thousands of men, women, couples, and groups to develop greater awareness of the issues in their relationships and their lives, to overcome and alleviate stressors and discords, and to revitalize their relationships and their own mind-body-spirit connection. Dr. Goodstone can be contacted through her web site at http://www.DrEricaWellness.com.
Get a free report, 7 Critical Love Mistakes at http://www.ThroughLove.com
Take the Create Healing and Love Now Personal quiz and get your free personal evaluation and bonus gifts at http://www.createhealingandlovenow.com.

Music & Dancing is Like Sex & Romancing

If you’ve ever danced the night away, then you know how truly liberating, invigorating and therapeutic it can be to just let it loose on the dance floor. Music has a way of touching the soul in an extraordinary and profound way. Whether fueled by a DJ or a live band, dancing is quite similar to sex. By allowing yourself to fully delve into the veritable vibration of what you perceive, you’re able to become fully present to the physical sensations that you might not otherwise be keen to. It puts you completely in the moment and harmonizes your internal and external movements with the cadence of the energy current flowing in and around your entire body.

Music is similar to sexual energy – whether it’s rhythmic, melodic, gentle or robust. Sex can be soft and sweet – a relaxing exchange of soothing affection with tranquil tenderness like peaceful, acoustic ambient chill music. Or sex can be vigorous and dynamic – a spirited romp full of passion and eroticism, like high-energy electronic dance music or a powerful dramatic symphony. Often sex is a combination of movements and transitional interludes – an ebb and flow of infinite variations, like a rambling jam session with numerous instruments and capricious interplay. The energy builds and builds, gaining momentum, and when the song finally reaches its crescendo, it is akin to sexual climax.

Bonnie Raitt once said of Jimi Hendrix’s Purple Haze, “After the first time I heard it, I had to go and change my pants…” Aficionados of music, especially live music, know that soulful musicians can project their sexual energy through their instruments. Hendrix embodied this notion and inspired subsequent generations of musicians. It has been widely suggested and mostly agreed that his guitar was truly an extension of his penis. Bonnie, and millions of others, were hip to this. As with many musicians, Jimi handled his favorite instrument like it was an adored lover, affectionately directing its power and potential, fingering and fondling to evoke a marvelously seductive performance. Jimi’s vibe was carried further through the synching of his band to co-create a harmonious undulation of resonance that can be felt throughout every cell of your being. Most live bands feed off the energy of the crowd, creating a symbiotic accord and intensifying the connection.

The kind of music you enjoy can define much about who you are. You can certainly discover a lot about someone’s personality, interests, philosophies and beliefs by their preferred playlist. Specific genres of music can usually determine which particular demographic a person may fall into, bonding certain social groups together. You may enjoy trendy ‘top 40′, alternative, techno, reggae, classic rock, jam band, R & B, jazz, blues, country, pop, heavy metal, classical, etc. This can be especially useful when dating, as musical tastes are a great indicator of compatibility with a potential mate. Quite simply, if you appreciate the same kind of music as someone you’re dating, then you’ll most likely get along swimmingly.

Since the dawn of humanity, music and dance has been at the heart and soul of nearly every known culture. Music is part of our roots, as we celebrate our ethnic heritage and honor others in their cultural diversity. When we observe various customs in authentic musical and aesthetic expression, it fills our soul with tremendous appreciation for the beauty and essence of humanity. Whether you’re a spectator or a performer, there is a vibrational frequency that resonates throughout your entire being. Some of us are aware of it and can fully embody the vibe, and others may experience it on a different level. Whatever our preferences may be, it is easier to connect with like-minded individuals who enjoy the same styles as you do. Music is a great provider of common ground.

It is commonly discussed among women that you can gauge how a man is in bed by his dance moves. If he’s shy, reserved and tends to stand lifeless on the sideline, then he may be more conservative and unadventurous in bed. If he’s awkward, uncoordinated or seems insecure, it may also reflect poorly on his sexual expertise. You can sense his level of self-confidence and if he’s audacious and naturally outgoing, as the more genuinely secure and uninhibited he is, the chances are good he’ll be a mighty fine lover. Sometimes however, the shy quiet ones can be surprisingly amazing in bed – you just never know! : )

Music and dancing is a powerful aphrodisiac, as it gets the juices flowing and energy moving in the body, all while soothing the mind and balancing the mood. Like sex, dancing relieves stress and anxiety, also releasing endorphins which enhance energy level and increase libido. Dancing, making love or any other kind of sensual physical expression is deeply beneficial in holistically supporting a healthy body, mind and soul.

Whether you go out dancing or any other physical activity, or stay home and enjoy an enthusiastic sexcapade, be sure to sustain your energy all night long with an energy booster such as an all-natural topical cream. Avoid caffeine or synthetic energy enhancements. Try something like Onkor for sustainable everyday energy. Onkor contains powerful plant and mushroom extracts, botanicals and vitamins in a daily topical cream. You can purchase Onkor on-line via my blog site. Dance another song, play another round, enjoy one more time…

Female arousal - or Huh? This worked last week.

Female arousal…or…Huh? This worked last week.

Women are intricate beings. Not complicated – just intricate. A woman’s body is full of mysteries, and at times getting her aroused may seem like a journey to parts unknown.

But here’s the thing: the directions may change from week to week, or even day to day, so toss out your maps as they are unreliable. The feminine nature is one of change and fluidity - what sent her over the edge last week may even become an irritant this week.

Still ‘not complicated’ you say? Yes, not complicated. There’s a secret to female arousal and when that is recognized and accepted, the nature of the process is transformed.

SECRET: For women, it’s ALL about the journey.

Arousal Factors
Men are genitally aroused, women are generally aroused. Genital stimulation often brings men to full arousal. Women are more intricate. It is reported that an adult woman’s body is 10 times more sensitive to touch and pressure than a man’s, and therefore women are often more sensitive to the entire body’s potential for sensuous pleasure.

Typically a woman’s arousal is slower and requires an emotional component along with the increased physical stimulus. Visual or mental stimulus alone rarely work to arouse a woman and an unconscious comment can quickly shut her down.

Many women share that their partner’s put too much of their pleasuring energy on the genitals. Remember that women are multi-potential when it comes to receiving pleasure, so take the time to discover new erogenous zones and stimulate multiple body areas before moving to the genitals. As a general guideline, consider pleasuring her entire body for two-thirds of the time and her genitals for one-third.

A woman’s sex drive is often significantly affected by the events in her life. A difficult week at work can drastically diminish her sex drive; whereas under similar circumstances, a man may consider sex as a much desired sleeping pill. Women need more mood-setting, more foreplay and more time to reach orgasm, though they are more likely to have many orgasms, and they can ejaculate, too.

Learn your partner’s unique secrets. Which of her nipples is more easily aroused? How do her earlobes like to be stimulated? Remembering your partner’s secrets shows presence and honoring – important factors for the development of a heart-connection with most women.

Women whose bodies have been the object of criticisms often have difficulty moving past their perceived imperfections into full acceptance and ultimate pleasure. If you are truly able to love and accept her just as she is, tell her and show her. Just as most men perceive their penis to be imperfect, most women perceive their breasts to be too small, too droopy, and their butts and thighs to be too big, too jiggly.

Timing
What worked great last week may not have the same explosive effect this week. Be aware of your partner’s sensitivities regarding her menstrual cycle, or her pre-, peri- or post-menopausal condition. Are her breasts and nipples too tender to have them touched just before her period? Is she more easily aroused during her period, with a slower arousal just after her period? Does she feel her strongest urge for sex during ovulation? A woman’s hormone fluctuations or imbalances can have a powerful effect on her sexuality, and she usually has little or no control over them.

Consider this: A woman’s variety of reactions and sensitivities helps you to remain creative, patient and present. A journey to be savored, for sure!

Relationship Advice - Top 5 Ways To Put The Spark Back In Your Relationship

Whether you and your partner love each other unconditionally and get along famously or whether the two of you fight like cats and dogs, overtime what often happens is that the routine of everyday life and activities can make the spark in your relationship to go out.

There are a lot of relationship books and articles that give deep and complicated solutions to getting the passion back in your relationship, but sometimes keeping it simple can do just as good a job at reigniting yours and your partner's flame.

So the purpose of this article is just to keep things light and suggest a couple of fun ways that you and your partner can participate in to put the spark and romance back where they belong - in your relationship.

1) Give Love in Your Partner's Communication Mode:

Robby Bilton, Director of the Centre For Life Management describes a Communication Mode as follows:

"Communication is the result you get. Different people are on different channels. We learn, we express love and communicate through different modes or combination of modes. It is important to know who you are playing with, what channel they are playing on or else your communication will not be very effective. We basically all want to get what we want. If you cannot get your message through of what your needs, wants, dreams, goals and visions are, you will be very frustrated and stressed."

One of the best ways to put the spark back in your relationship is by giving or showing love in your partner's communication mode so they will truly pick up, tune in or feel your love.

The following is a brief definition of each of the modes and some suggestions to how to express love: (You can be primarily one mode or a mixture of up to all four.)

Visual people communicate by seeing and doing. They like activities and they like gifts. They notice people, places and things with just the slightest glance. They take things at face value and do not look deeper into things. They feel and share love by doing things with or for other people.

As an example how a Visual person may feel love is if you do something together like go for a walk, do a puzzle, go out for dinner, even wash dishes together, anything where you are doing things together. Another example is if you do something for them, like buy them a gift or do the dishes for them or cooking a special meal for them they would really feel loved.

Auditory people communicate through talking. They have the natural gift of the gab, are designed to be able to talk for long periods of time. They enjoy talking and listening to other people talk. They feel loved when they are talked to, and like to hear the words I love you.

For example an Auditory person would feel loved if you talk with them a lot, listen to music together and they feel love if you tell them you love them as frequently as you can.

Digital people communicate through connection and understanding. They find the deeper meaning in everything they think, see and do. Understanding is very important to them. They feel loved when they share connections with others and are understood.

Digital people feel loved when they share connections with others and are understood. They will feel loved if you seek to understand them, help them to understand something that is on their mind, or share something deep about what you are thinking about with them so they feel connected to you.

Kinesthetic people communicate through their bodies. They move, feel and express through their bodies. Kinesthetics love to touch people and things around them and like physical activities and physical forms of affection such as hugging. They feel loved when they are touched. Each Kinesthetic person has their own unique way that they like to be touched, I don't mean in a sexual way, but they just have a unique way how they feel loved through being touched.

For example, some Kinesthetic people feel loved when they are hugged, or if you hold their hand or put your hand on their back, shoulder or leg, or touch their hair or kiss them on the forehead.

With all the communication modes, feel free to ask them how they feel loved if you are ever in doubt and just keep in mind it is how they feel loved not how you would feel loved or how you think they would feel loved.

2) Routines:

In Cucan Pemo's e-book "How To Retrieve a Lover" she explains the importance of developing daily rituals with your partner by doing things together every day, such as sharing morning coffee together so you are connecting intellectually as well as emotionally on a regular basis.

We can take it a step further and suggest daily routines that will become habits that touch on your partner's communication modes.

For example, with my significant other, he is Auditory so every morning when we wake up I'll say "I love you", I will say it again a few times during the day and I always say "I Love you" before we go to bed.

He knows I'm Kinesthetic so we always snuggle in the morning before getting up. He will also hug me on occasion during the day and will hug me before we go to bed.

Both of us are continuously feeling loved in our own communication modes and nothing can reignite the flame then by truly feeling loved.

3) Do Activities That Focus on Each Other:

With all the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it is hard to find time to focus on each other and totally connect.

So make an agreement to do activities together where you can focus directly on each other, not a day at the park with the kids or a football game with another couple, but share breakfast together, go on a date or on a walk together, anything where you will feel like you did when you first met each other.

4) Have Fun Together:

People, who play together, stay together. By having fun together, you get to share an experience together while having fun and connecting.

Do things that make each others laugh and act like big children. Tickle each other, play tag, have a water fight, water balloon fight or pillow fight.

The laughing will release serotonin, the feel good chemical and for males it will release dopamine which is needed in order to reignite a spark in them like they felt when they had the challenge of pursing or courting you when you were first dating.

5) Get Out Your Emotions Together:

I was watching a movie called "Force of Nature" (Directed by Bronwen Hughes, DreamWorks SKG, Roth-Arnold Productions, 1999) With Ben Affleck and Sandra Bullock. Ben Affleck character named Ben was engaged to another woman, and Sandra Bullock's character named Sarah was a free spirit trying to avoid her abusive boyfriend. They met each other while traveling and kept bumping into each others.

There was a scene where Ben and Sarah were standing on top of a train that was stopped over a canyon with a river below. The two of them were having fun yelling on the top of their lungs. I was thinking, "Hmm, that sure looks like that would be a great way to get all their blocked emotions out."

Then I started thinking about couples and probably one of the reasons couples scream at each others when they are arguing is to get all their built up emotions out.

So then I thought, "Well, wouldn't it be a good idea if a couple could get their emotions out together but not at each other?"

So that's when I realized that a couple should go together to a secluded spot in a park, forest, field, cliff or hills and give out a big huge scream or yell on the top of their lungs.

You and your partner can take turns or yell at the same time. Yell out at nature, not each others, let all the blocked emotions that are holding your passion back and let nature absorb it for you - it's a very refreshing and bonding experience.

So by focusing on these simple and fun ways to connect and share with each other, at the bare minimum you will have some fun and spend time together. However, more than likely you will be able to share the passion, romance and spark that the two of you had in the beginning of your relationship.

What You Need to Know About A Multiple Orgasm

A multiple orgasm is something that sounds like "Fiji" to women. It is something wonderful and exotic... and unlikely to be obtainable. Meanwhile the ability to experience an orgasm several times in a row lays at the very nature of female sexuality! So why is it that not all of the women use this, God's, gift?

One of the women, when asked about a multiple orgasm, replied with: "Wow, what is that?" And there is absolutely nothing exotic in it. It is one of the normal variations of a female orgasm when a woman experiences several (up to 3-5) orgasmic releases during one sexual intercourse, usually following one another every 15-40 seconds. The main condition for it is the long enough sexual intercourse, and it is something that is of course a man's responsibility. At the same time just the length of the intercourse alone is not what achieves multiple orgasm. The basis for the success is the absence of the so-called refractory period in a woman. In other words the woman does not need to rest and take a break between orgasms as a man does. Therefore if after the first orgasm a man continues to intensively stimulate the partner then she is very likely to experience a second orgasm.

So is a multiple orgasm healthier or better in any way than a usual orgasm? Let's start with the fact that any orgasm is an additional pressure on the heart. It is also known that the electroencephalogram (the recording of the brain's spontaneous electrical activity over a short period of time, usually 20–40 minutes, as recorded from multiple electrodes placed on the scalp) of an orgasm is the same as one of an epileptic seizure. Both are accompanied with the convulsions of the whole body. Compared to just one female orgasm, a multiple orgasm has nothing special except for the repetitive charge. Thus, even one orgasm can lead to unpleasant consequences if you suffer from hypertension, weak vessels, epilepsy and other similar illnesses. However, a totally opposite statement can be said about a long , hard jog for example. In our point of view a multiple orgasm is neither useful, nor harmful as far as your health goes and definitely beneficial in the area of pleasure. By the way, there is also an opinion that a female orgasm is a defensive reaction, preventing the body from excessive arousal. Having reached the critical level of tension, the nervous system gives a signal: "I’ve had enough! I'm done!" and the woman experiences the peak of sensations.

Should couples strive to achieve a multiple orgasm for full sexual experience? That's a good question! Not every woman and not under every circumstance reaches even one orgasm. It strongly depends on the level of her trust with her partner, ability to relax well, and sometimes even making a plan with a man about the necessary strategy. And in this sense a multiple orgasm requires solid and sincere relationship in a couple. Besides the word ‘should’ in this question makes it particularly doubtful. Along with this word a multiple orgasm becomes more of an achievement than pleasure. In other words, when ‘we should’ appears in a relationship, it stops being a relationship of love and becomes one focused on achievements.

And talking about the man, in order to get a woman to have a multiple orgasm, should the partner be at minimum a long-distance runner? That is actually exactly correct. If he hasn't mastered the technique of achieving his own multiple orgasm, then maybe it wouldn’t even be beneficial to strive for a multiple orgasm for his partner. Kind of like rabbits, who die from a heart attack in the process of mating. So any achievements in sex are possible only when the partners are a tandem: if they treat each other with kindness and trust, feel each other really well and work on their relationship overall and not on specific achievements.

Men are advised to look for certain techniques of sexual intercourse's prolongation on the internet, there are a lot of them, especially in eastern cultures such as China and India, most popular ones called Kegels and Jelqing exercises. Optionally, a man can form certain skills, which contribute to the woman's multiple orgasm. It's quite another matter that a man can become obsessed with the achievement itself and not on the relationship, which can lead to distrust, tensions and arguments. Therefore a woman should not define such a goal as achieving a multiple orgasm. If she fails at achieving it (which is absolutely normal and is not the evidence of any defects) a man will feel like a failure. Besides not every woman and not every time welcomes further stimulation after the first orgasm, a lot of women have such a high sensitivity that continuing the caresses is actually painful. Overall, of course, every couple can win a lot from the full exploration of their capabilities but naturally it would be better if the ability to experience an orgasm was measured by the quality of the sensations and not the quantity.

So does this mean that achieving a multiple orgasm is not an indicator of hyper sexuality? The answer is, not at all. Furthermore, a multiple orgasm sometimes comes with the mental dysfunctions in the area of sexual behavior. Taoist wise men say that the peaks of pleasure are only a part of the love process, and no orgasm should become an end in itself, not a single one, nor a multiple one. When you and your partner learn to perform the circulation of sexual energy along your body, then you will be able to experience the waves of orgasms as often as you want. When you will make love, you will feel the closest connection (physical, emotional and even spiritual), which you very rarely felt before, if ever.

At one point the discovery of a multiple orgasm caused a commotion in sexology, and over the course of several decades the amount of women practicing a multiple orgasm has grown exponentially, and they are not even taught by anyone; they just found out that it's possible. One thing to mention is it may be best to try this first with masturbation with a vibrator, which allows you to control the process and not having to worry the stresses of your partner’s involvement. This guide was meant as an introduction to the subject and just barely touches the tip of the iceberg. Spend some time researching, experimenting and practicing. Pretty soon you will personally know the incredible euphoria of multiple orgasms.


Author's Bio
About The Author

Serj Sagan is the CEO and owner of a Natural Male Enhancement company. Dedicated to find the real truth about male enhancement products and companies and expose it to the consumer. Copyright 2010 http://www.enhancementresearch.com This article may be freely distributed if this resource box stays attached.