We Must First Love Ourselves

Experiencing change helps us to engage and see where and how we have been living our lives. We face so many challenges and the ones that hurt the most are those which affect us personally.

Relationship hurt affects us all differently! Some people can recover quickly and move on to the next stage in their life, while others are emotionally overwhelmed and will choose to stay in that particular place. They will continue to question and torture themselves as to why and how, this has happened. They’ll go over in their head every single thing that has ever been said to them during the relationship (eg . how much I was loved or I never thought in my wildest dream that something like this would happen to us).

Whilst searching for the answer, they would need to look deep within themselves to resolves their thoughts. Emotions are a thing that gets the better of us, and it is how we as individuals choose to deal with the situation at hand in order to heal and move forward with our lives.

Speaking to different sources over a period of time, I notice that when emotions are heightened, it creates fear, self doubt, low self esteem and more importantly rejection of not being loved. During my session with a number of clients, I have noticed a significant increase of young women who are so desperately longing to be loved. And my advice each and every time is LOVE YOURSELF FIRST AND FOREMOST and by doing that; it will be reciprocated back to you. Some find it hard to comprehend, because they shut themselves down and refuse to take on board the advice given to them.

During my research, I have found that a significant number of people hold onto the past, to remind them of the pain and loveless situation they have been in for a number of years. In the face of adversity, they continue to carry the excess baggage from the previous relationship around with them. Trust becomes an issue and the heart is closed not allowing anyone in because of fear. If someone should come into their lives, they may end up blowing hot and cold, distancing themselves and sometimes even going into their shell). During this time the other person may feel rejection and perhaps thoughts of walking away, because of the uncertainty and not knowing where they stand. It may even end up in situation where they end up losing the person who cared and understood the very nature of what they are going through. In order to attract and keep the right relationship, we must look at healing the past and leaving it where it is in order to move forward with life.

Again from my research, I have noticed some clients found it easier to seek help from mediums/psychics or friends to make the decision for them, in as much as how to move forward with their lives. They come back time and time again asking the same questions, looking for that someone outside of themselves to provide them with the answers. You listen to their heartfelt plea, and the ONE thing that clear is that they are waiting to be rescued by the knight in shining armour. This knight in shining armour they believe will be the answer to their prayers and desires. Unfortunately this is not a Hollywood movie , not everyone will be swept off their feet by this elusive knight.

My advice is to try and empower the client, to ask them take back the control. They must first start to look at the very reason how they got themselves into this situation, and believe that they can become better individuals by changing their thought patterns. The universe has a tendency to give back what we give out. It may take time and for some therapy to change attitudes, all depending on the severity of the problem.

It’s important that love does not become overwhelming, as this can push the other person away. Some may even use this vulnerability to their own advantage by playing with the person’s emotion which can have a detrimental effect on their emotional stability

It takes a strong individual to admit that they have a problem and want to get the help that is needed to move forward with their life. This seems to be a common problem in our society, where people are constantly looking for answers externally and neglect the very place they are likely to find them - inside themselves. This delving could ultimately lead to self-love surely a prerequisite to loving another?

Beatrice Elder is a popular Psychic Medium Clairvoyant, Life and Soul Coach, Tarot Card Reader and Stage 2 Reiki Healer. Beatrice features on Psychic Interactive TV.

Beatrice is the founder of Soul Journeying (www.souljourneying.co.uk) and uses her blog (www.blog.souljourneying.co.uk) to discuss a number of issues that affect individuals. Please subscribe to the blog if this article & others written by Beatrice Elder interest you.

Self Realization: Coming Full ‘ircle

What if you are doing your life perfectly? What if the things that you think are failings on your part are not really failings at all? Has it ever occurred to you that as a child you perfectly absorbed information from your environment, learning wholeheartedly when your brain was not yet able to discern truth from fiction nor to apply reason and thought?

Our friends Amy and Andy have a beautiful little boy, Alex. We were privileged to be at the hospital when he was born and have watched him on his journey from infancy to early childhood.

At the ripe old age of 22 months, you could see that Alex had learned many things, demonstrating that he clearly knew the difference between hard and soft. When Alex wanted to express his displeasure at not getting his way (like being asked to eat the Cheerios from a small baggie rather than from the big box he wanted to hold) he would throw himself on the floor in an impressive display of histrionics. The velocity of Alex’s descent to the floor depended on which room of the house he was in during his meltdown. In the family room, he did a full-fledged flop since the floor has thick carpeting. But Alex was more cautious on the wood floors and avoided landing on stone if he could help it. One time, he got upset while he was on the brick walkway leading to the front door. He prepared himself for a full tilt fit but managed to stop the action before hitting brick. He actually picked himself up and walked the few feet to the cushy welcome mat before “spontaneously” throwing himself down to cry.

Yes, Alex had learned well and his little boy mind had collected all sorts of useful information, causing him to feel passionately about many things. When Alex was 15 months old he discovered circles. For some time, Alex was like an investigative reporter, on the hunt for anything round that he could point out with glee to his parents, and to anyone who would listen. “‘ircle!” Alex would shout. It seems that while his brain was able to identify the shape, his mouth could not yet form the “S” sound at the beginning of the word. So instead of being surrounded by circular shapes, Alex’s world was inhabited by “‘ircles.”

Alex could find ‘ircles anywhere – the balloon motif around the ceiling at the doctor’s office, a clock face, a ball. The MasterCardTM logo once sent Alex into a frenzy when he realized it had two overlapping ‘ircles. It often surprised his parents that round shapes, even if they were simply a part of the background environment, could be spotlighted by Alex’s nimble mind. Amy and Andy found the passion their son had for ‘ircles endearing. They did however, from time-to-time, feel concerned that Alex couldn’t pronounce the word correctly. They could only hope that sooner or later Alex would be able to fix his earlier mistake in pronunciation when his ability to speak caught up with his powers of observation.

One day, while casually leaning on the doorframe watching his son play, Andy had a stunning revelation. Alex was on all fours, rolling a big yellow school bus back and forth, one of his favorite toys. On the side of the bus were four shapes: a triangle, a square, a heart and a circle. Plopping on his behind, Alex pushed the triangle and when the button was depressed, the electronic voice exclaimed, “Triangle!” When Alex hit the square, the voice called out, “Square!” and then he pushed the big round button and the machine hollered, “‘ircle!”

Astounded, Andy came into the room, knelt by his son and pushed the button. Again the toy faithfully repeated, “‘ircle!” Alex could make the “S” sound. It was not his mistake. He had learned perfectly, and with passion, to say ‘ircle instead of circle from a defective toy.

All of us have learned how to behave and relate from things we put together as youngsters or by things we absorbed from our environment. But that was before we had the benefit of discerning whether or not we were getting complete or accurate information.

As you go through life, it’s very easy to blame one’s parents or teachers or environment and say they were bad role models or deficient in some way. But stop and think. Those people you may seek to blame also learned and absorbed from their environments without their young minds being able to discern truth from fiction or apply reason and thought.

Just the way Andy discovered the defective audio in the toy while watching his son, you can also discover how you function. Casually lean on the doorframe of your life and observe how you operate without judging what you discover. You will be instantaneously empowered to include small details that were omitted. If you can treat yourself with humor, love and respect, much like you would a young child who is learning from his or her environment, you will reclaim your wholehearted nature and passion for living. When you allow yourself to come full ‘ircle, and rediscover the art of self-observation without self-reproach, it will have a profound impact on your well-being.

The above is an excerpt from Ariel and Shya Kane’s new book, Being Here, Modern Day Tales of Enlightenment, available in September 2007. Internationally acclaimed seminar leaders, Self Realization experts, and award-winning authors, the Kanes lead evening and weekend groups in Manhattan dedicated to supporting people in living in the moment and having extraordinary, fulfilling lives. Their books and audios are available at local and online bookstores and via their website. For more information, including workshop dates and locations, call 908-479-6034, or visit their website: www.ask-inc.com.