We Must First Love Ourselves

Experiencing change helps us to engage and see where and how we have been living our lives. We face so many challenges and the ones that hurt the most are those which affect us personally.

Relationship hurt affects us all differently! Some people can recover quickly and move on to the next stage in their life, while others are emotionally overwhelmed and will choose to stay in that particular place. They will continue to question and torture themselves as to why and how, this has happened. They’ll go over in their head every single thing that has ever been said to them during the relationship (eg . how much I was loved or I never thought in my wildest dream that something like this would happen to us).

Whilst searching for the answer, they would need to look deep within themselves to resolves their thoughts. Emotions are a thing that gets the better of us, and it is how we as individuals choose to deal with the situation at hand in order to heal and move forward with our lives.

Speaking to different sources over a period of time, I notice that when emotions are heightened, it creates fear, self doubt, low self esteem and more importantly rejection of not being loved. During my session with a number of clients, I have noticed a significant increase of young women who are so desperately longing to be loved. And my advice each and every time is LOVE YOURSELF FIRST AND FOREMOST and by doing that; it will be reciprocated back to you. Some find it hard to comprehend, because they shut themselves down and refuse to take on board the advice given to them.

During my research, I have found that a significant number of people hold onto the past, to remind them of the pain and loveless situation they have been in for a number of years. In the face of adversity, they continue to carry the excess baggage from the previous relationship around with them. Trust becomes an issue and the heart is closed not allowing anyone in because of fear. If someone should come into their lives, they may end up blowing hot and cold, distancing themselves and sometimes even going into their shell). During this time the other person may feel rejection and perhaps thoughts of walking away, because of the uncertainty and not knowing where they stand. It may even end up in situation where they end up losing the person who cared and understood the very nature of what they are going through. In order to attract and keep the right relationship, we must look at healing the past and leaving it where it is in order to move forward with life.

Again from my research, I have noticed some clients found it easier to seek help from mediums/psychics or friends to make the decision for them, in as much as how to move forward with their lives. They come back time and time again asking the same questions, looking for that someone outside of themselves to provide them with the answers. You listen to their heartfelt plea, and the ONE thing that clear is that they are waiting to be rescued by the knight in shining armour. This knight in shining armour they believe will be the answer to their prayers and desires. Unfortunately this is not a Hollywood movie , not everyone will be swept off their feet by this elusive knight.

My advice is to try and empower the client, to ask them take back the control. They must first start to look at the very reason how they got themselves into this situation, and believe that they can become better individuals by changing their thought patterns. The universe has a tendency to give back what we give out. It may take time and for some therapy to change attitudes, all depending on the severity of the problem.

It’s important that love does not become overwhelming, as this can push the other person away. Some may even use this vulnerability to their own advantage by playing with the person’s emotion which can have a detrimental effect on their emotional stability

It takes a strong individual to admit that they have a problem and want to get the help that is needed to move forward with their life. This seems to be a common problem in our society, where people are constantly looking for answers externally and neglect the very place they are likely to find them - inside themselves. This delving could ultimately lead to self-love surely a prerequisite to loving another?

Beatrice Elder is a popular Psychic Medium Clairvoyant, Life and Soul Coach, Tarot Card Reader and Stage 2 Reiki Healer. Beatrice features on Psychic Interactive TV.

Beatrice is the founder of Soul Journeying (www.souljourneying.co.uk) and uses her blog (www.blog.souljourneying.co.uk) to discuss a number of issues that affect individuals. Please subscribe to the blog if this article & others written by Beatrice Elder interest you.

How to Attract Women - You Are The PRIZE!

Usually when a guy looks at a woman that he finds attractive, he immediately starts to associate her with being some kind of a "prize" that he wants to win. You may have heard in romance movies a line where the guy will describe his girlfriend as being a gift that he has to cherish or something to that effect. Well, that sounds sweet and everything, but if that is the attitude that you take when trying to attract a woman... You are going to have a tough time and be in for a rude awakening.

When attracting a woman, you have to start to think of yourself as being the prize and not the other way around. Let me give a brief explanation as to why this is.

When you think of a woman as being the prize, your behavior around her is going to follow suit. You are going to spend all of your time and your energy trying hard to "win" her, and neglect to spend any time at all attracting her using natural methods of attraction.

Here's how to start thinking of yourself as being the prize and not the other way around:

1. The way that you think has to change.

You cannot be so grateful to be in the presence of a woman that you are willing to do anything that you can think of to try and make her like you. If you get caught up thinking like this, your wallet will empty, your ego will get fractured, and you will still end up going home alone for the night. You have to start to think of it being the other way around and that the woman should be grateful for meeting you. This line of thinking will instantly change the way that you behave and give you a much needed shot of confidence.

2. You need to stop worrying about what she is going to think of you.

If you are caught up in worrying about what a woman thinks of you, then you are going to end up getting caught right back in the cycle where she is the prize and you are the jester that is there to put on a show for her. It does not matter really what she thinks of you. Come from a mindset of abundance and realize that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and that you can attract another woman if things don't work out with this one.

3. You need to be able to SHOW HER that she is entering YOUR world.

How do you do this? You don't care about what she thinks of you, and you take her out to places where you feel comfortable. When she is in your environment, there is a "power" shift. She will feel like she has to be the one that wins you over and pleases you. This is how you really begin the shift from thinking of her as the prize into yourself as being the prize.

Want to get more advanced tips on how to attract women and make women see YOU as the prize?

Click Here to Get Your FREE Report on How to Approach, Attract, and Seduce ANY Woman You DESIRE...

How to Keep Your Man Interested in the Relationship

Do you find it hard to keep the relationship with your man and afraid that you are losing the connection with him? Keeping a relationship is hard but if you really love your man, it is important to put an effort to find out what do men want and how to keep your man interested.

Love him. Of course one sure way to keep your man interested is to love him. Let him know that you love him by your words and actions. Make him feel loved but do not over do it. You may scare him away if you appear too needy. Love him and let him love you too in return. Do not tell him what to do and do not expect too much. Men want to feel loved and want the freedom to express the love he has for you.

Give your man some air to breathe. Although you want to know everything about you man or you want to tag along with him all the time, be reasonable and give him his space. While staying in a relationship, they need some freedom from time to time to do the things they want to do, of course, without putting your relationship in trouble. You do not want to suffocate him and to get tired of you. This way you can keep your man interested in the relationship.


Do not annoy him or check on him all the time. He needs your trust letting him to do what he wants and need to do. Calling him all the time at work or monitoring his every move will make him feel bad. Like you, he is a grown human being that needs respect. He also needs privacy once in a while. You cannot keep your man interested just by stalking him or calling him all the time.

Do your own thing. While it is important that couples do things together, there are situations that you have to do things on your own. Do not expect that he will accompany you in everything that you want to do. You can ask him but you cannot force him to be with you all the time. There are things that women enjoy but men don´t and you have to respect that if you want to keep your man interested in you.

Although you are both in a relationship, you are two individuals who need respect. Respect him as the way you want to be respected.

Do you want to learn how to keep your man interested and by your side forever? Visit Win A Love Back

To know more about relationships visit The Best Love Guide

Gerry Restrivera writes informative articles on various subjects including How to Keep Your Man Interested in the Relationship. You are allowed to publish this article in its entirety provided that author's name, bio and website links must remain intact and included with every reproduction.

Coping With A Break Up Isn’t Easy, But Here Are Some Secrets That Will Help

Dealing with a bad breakup can be one of the worst things you’ll experience in your life. However, there are things you can do to deal with a break up. Time is a great healer, but if you need that extra push in the right direction then follow these tips:

Coping With Break Up Tip #1 To start with, take some time for yourself and learn to enjoy being on your own. Chances are, it would be very tough right now to see your ex-girlfriend, so make sure you keep your distance. Go on a vacation or just stop talking to her completely--anything that will get you away from her while the breakup is still fresh. If you try to speak to her then it will likely make it harder and more difficult to deal with the pain of break up. If there are places you might run into your ex then don't go to those places.

Coping With Break Up Tip #2 Getting things that bring back memories of her out of sight and therefore out of mind is a key factor to helping you move on. Trash all old photos that remind you of her and any presents she got you while you were together. I know that it may not be practical to throw out everything that reminds you of her, but at least put it in a box and stash it away in the closet or somewhere that you won’t find it easily. It's very important to not think about your ex-girlfriend after a break up so you need to get rid of reminders or at least hide them out of sight. Make sure that anything left is given to her by a friend or in the mail.

Coping With Break Up Tip #3: Finding time for friends and family who love you is key at this point after a break up. Having great friends to be there for you will help you ease back into single-life again. Try to make an effort to visit your family on weekends perhaps. While you were in a relationship you probably had less time for them, so try to rebuild those connections now. It's possible that they might even offer help if you're struggling after breaking up.

Coping With Break Up Tip #4 Next is to make sure you channel your emotions properly. Who created the myth that men can't cry? Release your feelings trapped inside. Working out is a great way to release any hurt feelings, as too is writing down what you're feeling in a journal. You must always remember that it's perfectly healthy to express your emotions in these ways as long as you don't hurt others or yourself in the process.

Coping With Break Up Tip #5 The final step is to improve yourself and increase your self-confidence after a break up. Make the most of the break up to start doing things that you’ve wanted to do for a long time, but maybe you just never got around to because you were in a relationship or just didn’t have time for before. Maybe you could put in some overtime at the office and earn that promotion. Maybe this is a great chance to sign up for those Spanish classes you’ve been thinking of for a few months now. Working on improving yourself is a great way to help you rebuild your self-esteem and confidence following a breakup. You will be able to start your life again and feel fantastic if you do things you love.

You probably won’t recover from your breakup overnight, but with a little patience and attention to putting yourself on-track for a better life, you’ll find that things get easier every day. It's always hard to cope with the pain that often comes after getting dumped. Taking these steps to move on is the first thing you need to do and make a better life.

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If you found this article helpful and you'd like to learn more about how to get over a girlfriend, check out the website Get Back My Girlfriend, which is full of great relationship advice tips and resources.

Steve Steiner enjoys helping men deal with the conflicts and challenges they experience in relating with women and helping them form successful relationships.

How to Get Love Back - Should Relationship Guidance Really Work Like Magic?

Relationship repair has become an effective device considered necessary by the prosperous and famous, husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends. Sometimes those who are newly married even curiously comprehend themselves desperate to learn how to get love back because nearly EVERY one of us sweats from an occasional romantic blunder.

Yet, seldom does a lover come forth and say that she or he DELIBERATELY executes such mistakes. In truth, almost no romantic partner eternally falls short on understanding, kindness, affection, or mutual respect with malicious will.

This is a small portion of what makes fixing a relationship so very difficult to try and do sometimes. The usual relationship problems repeatedly develop from a single and almost UNIVERSAL common cause -- which is, forthcoming companions possess ways, habits, predilections, beliefs, principles, and methods of managing life that become entrenched in the mind long before you could ever get together with that person.

Believe it or not, there are useful approaches already in circulation on how to get love back as well as make partnership problems expire. Still, such revelations completely necessitate your acceptance as well as ATTACHMENT to an important real-life fact.

The key is that, in letting go of your mate physically, mentally, and emotionally, you reap added powers of relationship self-confidence, mutual reliance, plus the ongoing longing to come together, touch, and talk once again. For countless romantic partners, this really is a terribly complex relationship guidance "pill" to swallow.

You realize, nonetheless, deep down inside, essentially no romantic partner desires to feel:

-- Overcrowded or smothered . . .

-- Mistrusted or suspected . . .

-- Overlooked or not listened to . . .

Can you recognize where this relationship repair methodology tip is heading? We can pay couples therapists a huge number of dollars for trying to extract the most reliable and straightforward solution for achieving and maintaining ongoing romantic bliss.

In plain vocabulary, nonetheless, discovering how to get love back -- and even better, NOT HAVING TO LOSE IT, genuinely comes right down to treating another person in a manner very similar to how YOU would want to be treated. The "catch" to the oh-so-simplistic relationship guidance solution is that YOU almost always have to be the FIRST person to begin making this type of move, and you have got to replicate it over and again.

Even when an individual does NOT reciprocate and respond equally or fairly, YOU cannot stop doing what is true for love to flourish. This relationship repair solution is a tremendously SOLID one -- it truly works, like a miracle does.

But, finding out how to get love back requires time... the necessary time to acquire it, to establish it, to repeat it, plus the time it takes to allow YOURSELF to grow confident enough to ACCEPT the rewards it gives you. Are you aware that there are some people who constantly feel that just about any mistake their partner makes is their own fault?

In actuality, nearly nothing might be further from the truth. After employing the relationship repair or relationship guidance principle of "doing everything one can reasonably do to lift your loved one up and make her or his day the best one possible..." there is usually no room for counterproductive or negative thoughts within your companionship.

The principle on how to get love back works very very similar to that of "...darkness and light cannot exist in the same space at exactly the same time." True, is it not?

This amorously attracting LIGHT comprises the continual action of elevating your loved one. When partners JOINTLY complete this action in the same place at the same instances, the "fall-outs" of negative romantic deliberation or exploit just are not able to strike.

Do you think you're prepared to turn over a new leaf for your relationship and try something that can re-instill secure promise, stability, and peace for you and your romantic mate?

Press Here for Effective and Loving E-Book Relationship Repair Guidance On How To Get Your Love Back and Make Problem Relationships A Thing of the Past!

Apologizing to Your Girlfriend Isn't Easy - Here Are 5 Ways That Work

Few things in a relationship are as difficult as apologizing to your girlfriend. Have you grown tired of the bickering and shouting, the arguing, punctuated by long periods of the silent treatment? What happened? If you'd like to get your relationship back on an even keel, you're going to have to apologize to her, regardless of why she's upset. Keep in mind, though, that your apology can repair your relationship or destroy it altogether. Following these five steps should help you keep your relationship together and make it grow.

Step 1: If it really is your fault, man up and take responsibility.

Admitting that you're wrong isn't easy. Your only reasonable first step in making amends is to admit your mistake, if in fact you made one. What kind of a man makes excuses when he's at fault? Stand up and take responsibility! You've got to tell her what it was you did wrong, and then - and this is essential - you must promise never to do it again. Apologizing isn't complete if you don't take responsibility for what you did wrong.

Step 2: Don't make her reaction be the heart of another argument.

Forgive and forget is great advice, but don't expect your girlfriend to follow it as soon as you apologize. Some girls are quicker to forgive and move on than others, and your mistake also will influence how long it takes. When a guy mans up and apologizes for something he does wrong, though, most girls worth keeping will appreciate it. Accepting the consequences - whatever she decides to do while she cools off - is another sign of a mature man. She'll see it as a display of sincerity and willingness to accept responsibility for what you've done. This is a critical element of the apology.

Step 3: Calm down and cool off!

Pain and resentment in relationships often comes from the things we blurt out without thinking. If you're in a circumstance where something like this might happen, try to take a time-out to think things through and calm down. Anger gets all sorts of hormones and chemicals flowing in your body, and one thing that happens is that you do and say things impetuously. You've got to let tempers cool - take a walk to let things cool off. It won't help either of you if either is thinking irrationally.

Step 4: Do something to remind her you love her.

Do something for her that reflects that you put time and thought into it - prepare her favorite dinner, or write her a poem from your heart. Whatever you do, it should be oriented to her, and you should take care of all the preparations yourself. Flowers and chocolates are traditional apology-related gifts, but don't let them take the place of a special gesture. The gesture you make must be from the bottom of your heart, though. Making such gestures and making her feel special are excellent ways to display your remorse and your desire to restore your relationship and build it. All things considered, failure to make her feel good after you apologize will diminish the value and meaning of the apology.

Step 5: Put it behind you.

The final step of the apology process is to let the issue die as you look forward to a nice future together. What good will it do to remind each other of past mistakes? Past mistakes don't contribute to today's relationship - let them go. Living for the day and building a future is difficult enough without constantly dragging up and rehashing issues from the past. You have to be concentrating on enjoying together the life you have now, no the mistakes of the past.

Remember these steps whenever you need to apologize to your girlfriend. Remember, it's not unthinkable to make a mistake. It's critical to the quality of our lives and relationships that we learn from our mistakes.


If you found this article helpful and you'd like to learn more things you can do to help your relationship, check out the article Girlfriend Is Mad at Me on my website Get Back My Girlfriend.

Steve Steiner enjoys helping men deal with the conflicts and challenges they experience in relating with women and helping them form successful relationships.

3 Sexy Lessons for Seducing Your Wife

Whether you’ve been married a year or a decade, you’ve probably discovered that sex can go stale, no matter how much you love your partner. Keeping sex hot in a monogamous relationship is a challenge—but can you think of a better one to tackle?

As any sex therapist will tell you, there really are differences between men and women when it comes to sex. As long as a man is still in good health, he generally needs little priming to get ready for sex. While that doesn’t mean he won’t enjoy foreplay, just the thought of making love is enough to make him ready.

Women need more. They generally express the need to know that sex means more than just a physical release. Yes, physical release is good for women, but for women orgasm comes more easily and may even feel better if sex has some emotional meaning.

Sometimes men really don’t seem to understand how to make sex meaningful to their wife. Because a man sees the act of sex as an expression of love, he may not get what he needs to do to create trust and intimacy.

That is where the art of seduction comes in. To seduce someone means to entice them, to make the idea of sex very appealing. Seduction requires charm. You need to be clever, to make yourself not only attractive to your wife, but to attract her to you as well.

One way to seduce your wife is to let her know how much you love her. And I don’t just mean her chest or tush. I mean all of her. Tell her how much you love her face, her hands, the curve of her calf. Tell her you love her kindness and her laugh. Notice the things that made you first fall in love with her, and tell her that you still notice.

Another way to seduce her is to add some romance to your day. This is true most especially on a day that you are feeling in the mood for sex. You needn’t make a big gesture or spend a lot of money. Leave a little note someplace only she will see it (her makeup drawer, on top of her handbag). Or pour her a glass of wine or sparkling water and bring her a plate of cheese and fruit when she comes home at the end of the day.

The third important thing to remember if you want to seduce your wife is to start making love by touching her hands, arms, face, neck, and back before you move onto her more erotic areas. Most women need to be warmed up a bit before they like being touched in an intimate way. Touching and kissing your wife tenderly will show that you love and respect this about her.

These things may be small, but they are very important. And you can’t just do them once and expect her to be enchanted with you forever. You need to repeat, repeat, repeat. But not the exact same thing! Following a formula will just seem forced. You need to seduce your wife with love, from the heart.

Just because you’ve been together awhile doesn’t mean you should give up on doing all the things lovers do. You can get, and keep, your wife’s interest in sex if you know how to show her that you still love her and that sex means something to you, too.

5 Clues That Your Girlfriend Is Cheating

A key "Essential" to Showing Up in one's life is that of communication. How we communicate with others, and perhaps more importantly, with ourselves requires a vital understanding of how powerfully it impacts our lives. Your success in all areas of your life is contingent on your ability to communicate effectively. Your personal relationships, home life and professional life are a reflection of your communication skills.

So often we see the personalities surface (the ego). Many organizations have taken considerable effort to identify the various personalities in hopes of creating a corporate culture that understands how to communicate with one another. However, with some training programs what ends up happening is labelling and marginalizing with "What colour are you?" Or "I am this series of letters". In the end it creates separation, and very few participants remember the character traits the exercise was meant to uncover. The communication status quo returns.

If communication, or lack there of, is a challenge for you or you then you first must understand that nothing outside of you is to blame. You and only you have the power to change your experience.

Here are the 5 Principles Of CLEAR Communication that can help you get there.

1) C - Choices: We live in a free will universe. You have the choice to have a positive or negative experience in any moment. You can choose to be the antagonist or the protagonist in every dialogue. You can choose to focus on the solution rather than the problem. When we engage another it is vital to be conscious of your feelings and how much ego you are allowing to impact your expression. Your ego is not going to like some of the choices you make and it will make damn sure you revisit your old limiting communication patterns. You are the guard at the gate to choose what thoughts get through so choose wisely.

2) L - Listening: The old adage; we have two ears and one mouth so we should be listening twice as much is so true! Listening is the most important participation activity you can do for yourself. The lack of listening is the primary reason for communication breakdowns. Do you wonder why people argue? Do you feel nagged? The reason people feel angry is because they feel they are not being heard. I'll say it again. Conflict, arguments, nagging and frustration are all the fruits of the Not Being Heard Tree. Too often, the ego will not allow the words to get past the internal filter of the "ME". How often have you sat there and half listened to someone, but were more focused on your own wants, needs and rebuttal? It happens all the time. However, you are not fooling any one. You know how it feels when you are not being heard and you know how it feels when you are truly being consciously listened to. It is a day and night experience. It happens so rarely that people are automatically drawn to a conscious listener, because of how that person made them feel.

To be a conscious listener is very simple to do, but it is not always easy if your ego is in the way. Prior to a conversation you know is coming, plan ahead and make the choice to be a conscious listener before hand. Show Up with an open body expression. Smile! Allow for the person to express, but really listen to the message. Draw out the key points with enthusiasm. "Wow" really? Tell me more about that!" "How did that make you feel?" "If you were me how would you have handled that?" Open ended questions that get them talking more makes people feel special. Open ended questions also indicate that you are listening intently, that you are truly interested. Careful though, this is a very powerful tool, be in your truth and do not fake this technique. Your character and integrity depend on it.

3) E - Expression: You have all heard that your first impression of someone is made within the first 30 seconds of meeting them. Some would say 80% is made before they even speak. So since our words make up so little of that impression, we have but a small window to make what we say count. How you express yourself when the moment arrises will either make or break their original assessment. Ask a friend or family member the truth. Ask them to give you your true impression of how others view your communication style. If they are being completely honest and your ego can handle the truth, you have a basis on where you can improve. People are drawn to people who are witty, happy and insightful. Ask yourself, what is the "take away" you want someone to have of you? Do you smile when you talk? If you are a Debbie Downer or a Sadsack Sam chances are you struggle with keeping people engaged. A good rule of thumb is to crank up your expression by one notch of enthusiasm. We typically play it too safe with our natural expression. We don't want to offend or be labelled obnoxious. That's not what I mean. Just one notch up on the enthusiasm scale will create a natural expression that is inviting and intriguing.

4) A - Accountability: Be accountable for everything you say. Nothing should come from your mouth that you wish you could retract, or delete. Words are powerful and can create great joy, bliss and respect. However, they can also cause great pain and suffering. Your word is your honour. Trust is formed by your words that spur your actions,that become your deeds. Be the person that says what the mean and means what they say. Know that there are repercussions that go on long after what you said, be it positive or negative. When you are consciously accountable for your words, you begin to choose them very carefully. Accountability is also a key part of conscious listening.

5) R - Relationships: Everything we do when it comes to communication comes down to our desire to build relationships; business relationships, romantic relationships, family relationships and friendship relationships. We all want to feel connected, and yes loved by others. Our communication outcomes are all targeted toward building a solid foundation for a relationship with another. "Relationships" brings up the rear on our list in CLEAR Communication, but not because it is valued any less. Hardly, in fact "Relationships" is the sum total of all the other principles discussed here. Our rapport building abilities come from the skill we exercise in: 1.The Choices we make. 2. How we Listen. 3.How we Express and 4. How Accountable we are when we do express. Relationships result when people feel good about being with you. What can you teach? What can you share? What can you express that will positively move you forward?

Your ability to implement the 5 Principles of CLEAR Communication will have a profound impact on how you Show Up in both your personal and professional life.

Show Up for your life and Life will Show Up for you!

5 Steps To Get Over A Relationship Breakup

Has your girlfriend given you the brush-off? You're probably down in the dumps and just want to forget the whole thing. Take a look at the following. You'll find ways to give yourself a boost. Sure, it's going to be tough for awhile, but adhering to these ideas will help you get back in the groove. Besides, if you just keep throwing yourself a pity party, nobody's going to attend except miserable you.


Get Over a Relationship Breakup Technique #1: Step one: No more being in touch with your ex girlfriend. That means no phone calls, no emails, no anything. Communicating with her is just going to prolong your misery. You'll just get depressed as she rejects you further, while what you really need is to get on the ball. It will be best for you, and for her, the more space you put between you.

Get Over a Relationship Breakup Technique #2: Seriously meant – you must discard every iota of material stuff in your environment that reminds you that you were once together. You have to get rid of everything that might hearken back to “the good old days.” They can't be that good if you're going through this heartache now. Everything in your place that belongs to her, get it back to her. Don't hand them over personally. Mail them to her. Or ask a friend to drop them off for you.


Get Over a Relationship Breakup Technique #3: For your third step, step boldly for the door. Open it. Step out. Call up some old buddies. Make some new friends. Misery hates company. So, if you curl up alone, you'll be miserable. You've a myriad avenues open. Don't forget old buddies. Spend more time with your brothers and sisters, parents and grandparents. They can even give you advice on how to get over the mess, how to heal.

Get Over a Relationship Breakup Technique #4: Diminishing the opportunity for pain is your fourth step. You need to find something that will shift the focus of your life. There is a big wide world out there with a plethora of opportunities to explore, many of which can improve you health-wise, mentally, and even financially. Thus, you're improving yourself, and doing something worthwhile rather than sitting alone with the TV.

Get Over a Relationship Breakup Technique #5: Choose to move on. And move on with forgiveness. That is your fifth step to getting over a relationship. Allowing old wounds to heal and allowing your ex forgiveness are the best ways to keep your life on track. Be positive. The relationship is gone. Look up. Look about. Think of the future. That's the best way to cure pain. Grudges are like stomach acid, they hurt and leave a bad taste in your mouth. “Que Sera, Sera!” Whatever will be, will be. You might hitch up with your ex again. Even if you don't, don't lead the rest of your life with bitterness. Forgive and be positive.

Breakups are tough but the preceding steps should help you along the road to recovery or, better yet, your road to being a better person.

If you found this information helpful and you'd like to learn how to move on after break up, check out my website Get Back My Girlfriend.

Steve Steiner enjoys helping men deal with the conflicts and challenges they experience in relating with women and helping them form successful relationships.

Dealing with a break up

Dealing with a break up could be hard when you love the other person by heart. People get very poignant after breakup and can not pay attention to their daily life activities which creates a lot of problems for them. However, you have to deal with it in order to have a good future life. You should know how to stay alone or how to be single when someone dumps you. By dealing with break up, you will be able to learn how to do well in your routine activities without other person.

If you would search on how to deal with a break up then you would find plenty of e-books on the Internet. You can buy a couple of them for getting some information for coping with break up. These e-books would help you to divert your attention and you would feel better. If your love partner dumped you then do not worry too much because you are not the only one with whom this has happened. Many people get to this sort of situation because often one of the love partners deceives other and they get depart. You are not supposed to worry about someone who was not fair with you. Believe me that this kind of person does not deserve your love.

Dealing with a break up requires some effort because you have lost a person not any other possession. You should try to avoid thinking about your ex. Whenever his thoughts come in your mind, you should try to deflect your thoughts. If you would keep thinking about the other person then you would never be able to forget him which would be a big hurdle in making a good new relationship. You should make a relationship after break up because your ex would also do the same. So, do not waste your life and time for someone who does not belong to you anymore.

Moreover, if you want to deal with a break up then you should go to social parties. You should meet people and have some fun. You can get together with your friends. If you would accept social invitations then there is a probability that in the party you meet someone who is very loving and caring. You would only be able to do well in new relationship when you would forget your previous bad experiences. So, always be positive for having a pleasant life.
Author's Bio

The author John Hill. has been writing on making people able to deal with break up in their life. If you need assistance on this then you may visit his websites dealing with a break up and moving on after a break up.

10 Down-to-Earth Ways to Clear Your Sixth Chakra and Cultivate Spiritual Insight

Extraordinary intellect, intuition, wisdom, and spiritual insight are available to everyone--but few of us even begin to tap our profound potential. Clearing and balancing your sixth chakra can help you gain access to these vast capacities.

The sixth chakra, also called the Third Eye chakra, the brow chakra, and in Sanskrit, Ajna, governs our intellectual and intuitive abilities and our potential for spiritual awareness.

Clearing your sixth chakra can help you expand your mental, psychic and spiritual capacities. Read on to learn 10 down-to-earth, satisfying ways that you can clear and cultivate this key energy center. But first:

What Are the Chakras?
Chakras are organs of our energy body--energy portals that receive, assimilate and transmit life energies to/from the rest of the cosmos.

There are seven primary chakras, located along the center-line of the body, from the bottom of the spine to the top of the head. Each chakra is associated with different aspects of your body, life, personality, and spirituality.

The Healthy Chakra
A healthy chakra is open, allowing energy to flow freely both horizontally, in an exchange of energy with the universe, and vertically, connecting it with the other chakras.

It's common to have one or more chakras blocked or out of balance to some degree. This can cause disruptions in a person’s body, mind, spirit, and life.

The Sixth Chakra
The sixth chakra, also called the Third Eye or brow chakra, is located in the forehead, between and slightly above the eyebrows. Its keywords are "insight" "intellect," and "intuition." Its associated color is indigo, and its element is light.

The chakra of mind, it helps us think clearly. It also helps us see clearly, both physically and psychically. It supports imagination, awareness of the subtle/energetic world, intuitive knowing, and inner vision. When you see something "with your mind's eye," you are seeing it with the sixth chakra.

Sixth-chakra intuition and wisdom are universal and transcendent in nature. The 6th chakra, when highly developed, elevates consciousness and confers deep spiritual insight and awareness. Perception of non-ordinary reality may accompany this.

Is Your Sixth Chakra Healthy?Someone with a clear, balanced, and developed Third Eye chakra usually has a keen intellect balanced with strong intuitive abilities. They often have a good imagination and can visualize things easily. They can "grasp the big picture," and may be seen as visionaries. When the sixth chakra is highly developed, a person will have expanded spiritual awareness and insight, and may be able to perceive and influence non-ordinary planes.

10 Ways to Clear and Balance Your Third Eye Chakra
So you'd like more clarity, insight, wisdom, intuition, and spiritual awareness? Here are ten ideas for clearing and balancing your sixth chakra: Ask the universe a question, then patiently wait and watch for the answer. Be prepared to wait from seconds to days, and to have the answer come from within or without.
Visit places such as mountain-tops that offer high, clear vistas. Look with your eyes. Then look with your eyes closed. Notice what you see.
Imagine your head as a balloon. Allow it to float to an upright position, positioning your ears directly over your shoulders. Do this often to train yourself to maintain good spinal alignment.
Meditate, focusing your attention in the center of your head at the level of (or slightly above) the eyebrows.
Wear or decorate a room in a shade of purple that is pleasing to you. Allow it to remind you of your intention to develop your third eye.
Use the 6th chakra essential oils of jasmine, rose, or lotus. (Don't apply directly to skin.)
Close your eyes. Relax all the external muscles around your eyes. Then soften the internal eye muscles, feeling the relaxation penetrate deep into your head. Rest like this for a while. Notice any images that arise.
Draw or do another art form that requires close observation. 
Go star-gazing.
Repeat an affirmation such as:
"I have keen insight and intuition."
"My intellect is a powerful tool for good."
"I envision and create beauty and goodness."
"I am open to experiencing non-ordinary reality."
"I am open to greater spiritual awareness."
Intention Matters!
When working with your subtle energy, intention is the key to success. So before any chakra-clearing activities, set your intention. For example, you might set a general intention for third eye chakra balancing, or a more specific goal of opening awareness to non-ordinary reality.

With your purpose clear, perform the activity mindfully. Pause occasionally to silently affirm that your actions are creating your intention. Pairing any of these activities with an affirmation is especially effective.

A Sixth Chakra BlessingMay you understand your true nature. May you see clearly in every way. May your insight bring you new levels of spiritual awareness.

Copyright 2010 -- Nancy Hausauer. All rights reserved.
Author's Bio

Nancy Hausauer is an energy healer and writer with a private practice in Tacoma, Washington (U.S.). Her goal is "An energy healer in every home!" For more information about chakras and energy healing, visit her energy healing website, www.the-energy-healing-site.com/chakras. For lots of things you can do for natural pain relief, wellness, and relaxation of your physical body, visit her bodywork website at www.Tacoma-massage-therapy.com.

Tips on How to Deal With a Break Up and Bring Back Love into Your Life

People experience heartbreaks. This is something that we do not want. However, it is inevitable. Someone who we really love could hurt us and leave us. Being heartbroken is a difficult phase. This is why if you have just broken up with a girlfriend or a boyfriend, it is best to know how to deal with a break up and to forget your ex.

Forgetting your ex may take some time. It can also be difficult. However, it is best to keep in mind that you can learn how to deal with a break up and overcome this. You need to recover as soon as possible. There are so many things in life that you have to discover. You cannot waste your days on sulking and despairing. Here are some tips on how to deal with a break up.

1. Pour Your Heart Out. This is one way to deal with a break up. Take out all the pains that you feel. Pour out all the burdens that you carry because of the pain caused by your ex. Say everything that you can blurt out like how much you miss your ex to the bad things that you will not miss. It is possible for you to keep droning on these matters. Your friends and relatives may get tired. Still, this is an effective way to deal with a break up so you will not harbor the feelings inside.

2. Spend Time With Friends. It is very important that you call on your friends and relatives to spend time with you. They can help in cheering you up. Their company will definitely assure you that you are not alone. Remember, trying to know how to forget your ex is not that easy. Some can be very vulnerable. They are in the risk of doing something bad. Thus, being in the company of your love ones will help in keeping you stay grounded and will help you deal with a break up.

3. Indulge But Not Too Much. Eating your comfort foods will help ease out the bad feeling and help you deal with a break up. Movies show that girls who have gone through breakups eat their favorite foods like chocolate, cake or ice cream. The food can help numb your mind over the pain. Activating your taste buds can minimize the pain in your heart. This is one way of making your self feel good. Just do not undermine your health.

4. Find a New Hobby. One way that you can learn on how deal with a break up and to forget your ex is to explore a new pastime. Develop a skill or discover a productive activity. For example, playing a new sport can help you develop your physical condition. This is something that you can spend with your friends. Exhausting your body to the sport will help you deal with a break up. It can even make your body more beautiful. This will make your ex regret for having even broken up with you.

5. Find a New Love. Sometimes, people resort to seeking a rebound relationship. This is like having a new boyfriend or girlfriend after the breakup. However, this is not a good choice. You may only end up hurting the other person. This can be very unfair. If you find a new love, be sure it is because you harbor care and affection for the person. Do not use this as an escape or a way to deal with a break up. Just welcome the possibility if ever it comes along.

Finding ways on how to deal with a break up and forget your ex is possible. This is something that you can achieve to get over the bad breakup and move on. This way you will not waste time sulking around. Be the better person that your ex could never become.

In the case that you still want to patch things up and you really want to get back with your ex. There are still ways to get back with your ex. Do you want to discover how you can easily bring back the love of your life? You can bring back your love. No matter how stubborn the resistance, no matter how far this person may be from you, no matter how hopeless or difficult your situation appears.

Author's Bio
Discover a potent 4-step strategy which works visit Bring Back Lost Love. To know more about dating, love and wedding visit Love, Dating and Weddings . Gerry Restrivera writes informative articles on various subjects including Tips on How to Deal With a Break Up and Bring Back Love into Your Life. You are allowed to publish this article in its entirety provided that author's name, bio and website links must remain intact and included with every reproduction.

YOU are a Role Model

“To observe people in conflict is a necessary part of a child's education. It helps him to understand and accept his own occasional hostilities and to realize that differing opinions need not imply an absence of love.” … Milton R Sapirstein

When children can see others disagree and disagree with respect and they see that nothing bad happens, what a terrific example! Disagreement is part of life. Becoming upset is part of life. The lesson to the children in our lives is all about how we treat ourselves and others during and after conflict.

Have you ever observed a child misbehaving and then hear their parent exclaim, “Who taught you how to behave like THAT?” Or “Where did you hear THAT word?” Of course my favorite example of this comes from years ago when I worked in the children’s clothing section of a large department store. A little girl of about five years of age dropped something and then said “Oh S**T!” Her mother smacked her and said, “Where did you learn to say that?” I had to turn my head very quickly and hide my laughter because the little girl said, “You just said it outside in the parking lot mommy.”

While I do agree that it is important for children to see the adults around them participate in conflict. I think this quote can and should be expanded to include team members, peers, subordinates, management, friends and family. YOU are a role model to the people around you. YOU have the ability to show the people close to you how to navigate conflict.

You don’t have to be in an official leadership role for this to be true. There are many people who don’t have fancy titles who set the tone for the behavior for their teams or in their offices. These are the people whose behavior is closely watched and mirrored by others around them. This could be YOU.

There is no reason for you to hide it when you have a difficult day. Just do the best you can to navigate the day with grace and humor.


YOU are a role model whether you know it or not! YOU have what it takes to set a good example.
Author's Bio
Margaret developed a passionate belief that it takes courage and skill to be human at work and that all individuals have a responsibility to treat each other with dignity, respect and compassion.

Motivated by her beliefs and the desire to make a difference in the lives of others, Margaret acted on her vision by founding Meloni Coaching Solutions, Inc. Her vision is to create a group of successful individuals who are at peace with their authentic selves; a group of people who help and support others; a group who bring humanity to the office and thrive because of it. Margaret sees a world where achieving peace and achieving success go hand-in-hand.

Margaret’s students and clients often find that what she really brings them is freedom to bring their authentic selves to the office. As a former Information Technology Executive, Margaret always knew her preference was for the people behind the technology. Now Margaret brings those beliefs to individuals from many professional backgrounds. The common thread across her client base is the desire to experience peace at work and the recognition that peace is not absence of conflict, peace is the ability to cope with conflict. For these people, Margaret Meloni is truly ‘A Path to Peace’. ™

You can learn more about Margaret and her courses, programs, and products at: www.MargaretMeloni.com

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Margaret Meloni, the Official Guide to Conflict Resolution

7 Fantastic Items That Will Help You Organize Your Closet

Having an organized house is a great way to save time and get the most out of your effort when you dedicate an afternoon to cleaning.

One major area that needs to be organized is your closet. Precious time can be wasted trying to figure out what to wear if your closet is unorganized. There are most likely garments at the bottom of your closet that you thought were lost.

Maximizing Your Shelf Space

Having a shelf in your closet is great, but if you start piling folded sweaters and other clothing into adjacent piles, the piles of clothing can become lopsided or maybe even fall over. After you pull clothing from the pile to wear and then start putting the clean laundry back in the pile, it is hard to keep the pile from becoming the leaning Tower of Pisa.

You can use Shelf Dividers to make structured sections on your shelf. This way, clothes will be neat, organized and easy to keep track of. Shelf Dividers are also easy to place on the shelf and to remove.

Using Door Organizers

If you have a large collection of hats, you might consider using the Overdoor Cap Organizer. This organized unit hangs over the door and has space for two dozen caps.

Another benefit is that the pockets are clear vinyl for ease in locating your favorite cap. You can also utilize the space on the door rather than having your caps strewn on the floor or taking up valuable real estate on your shelves.

Hangers You’ll Really Love

When you hang your pants in the closet they may not always stay neat. If hung even the slightest bit incorrectly, pants can fall off hangers or get creases in them. Not only do you want to keep your closet organized, you also want to make sure that you keep things easy for yourself.

One way to keep things easy is to not use hangers that are going to give your pants creases. Slack Hangers allow you to hang your pants easily. With Slack Hangers, your pants will stay neat and crease-free.

If you have ever tried to hang sweaters or shirts with wide necks you know that it can be difficult to get them to stay. The straps continuously slip off the hangers unless you clothes pin them on.

Soft Grip Hangers make organizing your closet a lot easier. This is mostly due to a distinctive “flocking” feature that causes the clothing to remain on the hanger. By using a product such as Soft Grip Hangers you do not have to worry about finding clothes pins or hanging your dress straps crosswise over the hanger to stay on.

If your closet is too full then your hangers are most likely too close together. This makes it very difficult to find what you’re looking for.

With the Set of 2 Steel Hanger Cascader hangers, your closet space becomes maximized. This product enables you to hang up to six times the amount of clothing that you could hang on a conventional hanger. Cascader hangers can increase the space in your closet so you have room for new clothes!

Protecting Your Clothing

As you organize your closet, you may discover that some hangers have been stationary for so long that they have collected dust. If the hanger has dust, then it’s likely that your unworn clothing is also getting dusty.

You can slide Vinyl Coverettes over clothes hanging on the closet rod and they will shield your clothing from getting dusty or mildewed. Vinyl Coverettes also use slits instead of zippers to allow easy access as well as remove the possibility of fabric getting caught in the teeth of a zipper.

If you are looking for a way to also protect your off season clothing from moth balls, you can use Cedar Hangers. These space saving devices allow you to hang up to five pieces of clothing. Cedar Hangers are also fragranced with cedar to deter moths.

Getting a house in order is no small task. However, this unenviable chore can be made easier by handling the difficult areas, such as a closet, first. If you are on target with your personal closet space, you will be one step closer toward organizing your home as well as maximizing your potential and saving valuable time.
Author's Bio
Get Organized provides you with tips and tools to help you organize your home, office, and any other area that needs organization. ShopGetOrganized.com

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Get Organizing, the Official Guide to Organizing

Can You Handle An Open Relationship?

Open relationships are otherwise known as polygamous or polyamorous relationships. It is defined as a situation wherein couples go into mutual agreement to date and engage in sexual activity with other people although they still continue being in a relationship with each other. In the past, those who blatantly disregarded the definition of monogamy were called swingers.

Nowadays, however, a lot of rules in relationships have evolved, and the number of people in open relationships has increased dramatically. Although it has been something that was frowned upon back in the days, the social embarrassment that used to go along with being engaged in polyamory has seen a significant drop, not only among singles but among those involved in a committed relationship, even marriage.

It might seem like a novel idea but it actually has been around for quite some time already. While some people don’t see a problem with this kind of arrangement, polygamy and open relationships can still throw up some prickly issues and is no doubt never for the fainthearted. Can an open relationship survive in the long run, and what are its benefits and downsides? One of the premises of the concept of an open relationship is that it can enhance a couple’s trust, role flexibility, personal freedom and growth, and most especially introduce the idea of love and sex without the jealousy.

Some couples who are involved in it even maintain that it can in fact spice up an otherwise monotonous and lacklustre marriage. As much as it can do wonders to a marriage, it still can’t be denied that being involved in this kind of partnership has also its own share of threats, especially when it comes to health concerns.

Having multiple sexual partners can significantly increase the likelihood of contracting a sexually transmitted disease or infection. It is a common notion that gays and lesbians are particularly prone to these problems, but the prevalence of polygamy has radically increased even among heterosexual individuals. Also, there is always the possibility of getting pregnant, because sex is alive and kicking, just as it is even in the conventional, monogamous type of relationship.

Another major issue in an open relationship may be abandonment. There is always the concern that some people might steal or take one’s partner away if one permits other people to have sexual contact with him/her. likewise is the element of competition, because the partner may get a far better end of the bargain just because he/she is more gregarious and attractive, going out every night with a new date while you’re stuck at home, watching reruns of Friends just because you are the less attractive one.

Open relationships ultimately require an enormous level of honesty and maturity just like that of a monogamous couple, although the amount of communication needed to overcome problems are far greater and can be more draining. The topic of polygamy is a hot one nowadays, although it is definitely unresolved and debatable.

It may work for some people while others may find it hard to get past its sexual implications. Ultimately, monogamy or polygamy, every relationship has its own set of innate difficulties. Challenges are always part of the package, and it’s mostly up to the couple and the level of commitment they share in making things work.
Author's Bio
The author of this article, Ruth Purple, is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Get your copy of Ruth's ebook The Powerful Secrets of Seduction. Learn how you can seduce any man that you fancy with so much ease and subtlety.

Fail Fabulously

“Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.” C. S. Lewis. Did you make any mistakes today? Who doesn’t? We are imperfect people living in an imperfect world. Do you realize that failure is really only failure if you don’t learn something from it? With the right mindset, you can go through your entire life without ever really failing.

If things came too easy for you, you would never be challenged to improve? Thomas Edison didn’t fail 1,000 times when he was trying to invent the incandescent light bulb; he found 1,000 ways that it didn’t work, which ultimately lead him to the one way that did work. And, he never gave up!

If you try something and it doesn’t work out exactly as you had hoped, step back and ask yourself a few questions: What did work about it? Was there something it achieved that maybe wasn’t your ultimate goal, but moved you in a forward direction? What did you learn when you tried it? By learning what your customer’s don’t want, did you get a bit clearer about what they do want?
Maybe it wasn’t the idea that was the problem, but the target audience wasn’t the right match for the strategy. Maybe you didn’t give the idea enough time. Just because something doesn’t work overnight doesn’t mean that it won’t work. So, don’t abandon ideas too quickly. Give them time to see if they will work.
“There was a journey in being an entrepreneur. “It was about going through failure and bouncing back. Are you going to bounce back and take the chance to go to bat again, or let this failure stop you? If you look at all of the ultimate success stories, both personally and professionally, they all had to bounce back at one time or another.” says Nicholas Hall, CEO of Start-upFailure.com. Failure is part of the success journey. You simply cannot have success without the learnings that come from failure. They are interchangeable.

How big of a risk should you take in trying something for which you may fail? In his book The Empowered Manager, Peter Block writes about 'non-suicidal courageous acts'. The goal is to take reasonable risks, not commit suicide. Those are risk-taking behaviors that are related to facing harsh realities, admitting our own contribution to the problem, and being authentic in the face of disapproval. Courageous people are not socially or politically suicidal or homicidal. You don't need to be extreme to be brave.

Weigh the risks, don’t give up and make sure you learn from your mistakes. You are bound to make mistakes, everyone does. Learn from them and allow them to propel you forward. Fail fabulously!
Author's Bio
Patty Sadallah has 29 years experience as an organization development consultant and executive coach. She is a Dream Partner Catalyst and coaches and consults nonprofits and women owned small business owners around issues of focus and planning, moving them toward her dreams. Find out more about her coaching and consulting at http://www.PattySadallah.com/sq.

She is also the President/Founder of the Redwood Sisterhood, an international women's support community that offers personal and professional development learning opportunities, community bartering through time banking and fun networking events. Here, she brings together the talents and the needs of women and allows these connections to strengthen and uplift the membership. Learn more at (http://www.RedwoodSisterhood.com)

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Patty Sadallah, the Official Guide to Women in Business

Obstacles to Manifestation: Fear of Success

Many of us, at a deep level, are afraid of success. On surface, we declare that we are going for the gold, the Ph.D., own a business…be the best! That which actually manifests in our life may be something entirely different. What is certain is that our core beliefs will express in our life regardless of what we say. When there is conflict between conscious wants and unconscious beliefs guess what manifests. The unconscious has the most powerful influence on the level of success evident in our lives.

During the sixties, thousands of young people rebelled against their parent’s definition of success. They declared the roles that parents and society imposed on them as “suffocating,” lacking in creative personal choice. The males denigrated their fathers choice of work, the “grey flannel suits” they wore as well as their leisure time activities. The females were against the traditional marital housewife roles, which included submissiveness to the husband, the “head of household.” Subsequently many were against the status quo, roles and rules; however, that is only half of the story. They were not free enough to be for something else, an individual model of success. The movement cracked many glass ceilings, however a new identity and sameness evolved. In order to be identified as a “free” person, one more or less wore the new uniform. This conformity consisted of long hair, beads, free flowing clothing and usually drugs and alcohol. Some young people went the required distance to create their own success.

Over the years, I have seen clinically many who gave up the search and returned “home”, to the bosom of safety of the familial way. One such client, I’ll call Mike, had angrily left his father’s house right after high school graduation. Due to the likelihood of being drafted to go to Vietnam he considered going to Canada, but after drifting a while he ended up attending Woodstock in 1969. Being a self-described chameleon, he was unable to avoid the pressures of joining a group of heavy drugs users. He also “merged” with a girl who ignited a freedom and passion within him that he never dreamt possible.

After more wandering with the group, he found himself lacking resources and weakened from drug abuse. He called home requesting money and was urged to return. He was welcomed home as was the biblical prodigal son. He attended college, studied business and received a Vietnam deferment. After joining his father in the banking business, the inner gnawing started. He realized there was a steep price to pay for safety and security. He married another banker’s daughter, had children, and joined all the “right” clubs.

Mike was in his fifties when I saw him. He said he had never lived for himself and had pushed down his hopes and dreams. He remembers his good times on the road with a yearning. There were moments then when he could have created a life for himself, but did not. He said those moments of exuberance and freedom left a poignancy within him that never ceased.

Mike’s hobby, photography, became his passion. He was not only creative; he was also in great demand. It was when he started receiving opportunities to do “photo shoots” for a major magazine that he considered leaving the banking business and becoming a photojournalist. This time his family balked, not willing to change their life style. His children were grown but continued to be dependent. His wife threatened divorce if he followed through with his desires. Mike gave up the country club, the mansion and there was a divorce.

Do not expect family and friends to be supportive when venturing out to become successful on your own terms. They are more likely to be supportive when we are down and discouraged. When one member of a family seems to be getting ahead of the “tribe,” other tribal members may experience anxiety, anger, or even jealousy because your gains create discomfort within them. Maybe they have not progressed in life as far as they had hoped. The situation creates enough uneasiness that support, and sometimes acceptance and love, is withheld from the successful member. The covert message is: “conform, be like us, or be ostracized.

The loyalty to the family’s social status, beliefs and acceptable behavior is so strong that success beyond their “place in society” is not possible. When one ventures beyond, to a different level of success, feelings of disloyalty and guilt often prevent enjoyment.

More than a few of my clients, after achieving success, felt they had very little in common with their roots. Some reveled in the gains and were emotionally independent enough to push on, letting the process of adjustment with their families and friends take place. Others sabotaged their gains to feel once again “at home,” because they could not handle the inner conflict their success had caused with family and friends.

Creating one’s own paradigm of success may mean discarding some of our family’s expectations. There are both positive and negative consequences to all changes. If things go wrong, we have to assume full responsibility for how we manifest success in our lives. Acceptance of consequences is quite difficult for many, because, the expectation that there will be someone to blame, or bail us out, is deeply rooted.

After having made the decision to live life “your way”, you will be able to manifest success. Use the power of vision, and imagination to see your success as already having occurred.

“Man can only receive what he sees himself receiving” - (Shinn: The Game of Life).

My last correspondence was a postcard from Alaska. Mike scribbled a postscript. “Much less money, but an overwhelming sense of peace and happiness – at last!”
Author's Bio
Laura Young is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist (CCH) devoted to helping people become more of what is possible for them. She draws on almost thirty years of clinical experience, with the last sixteen at Life Resource Center, a Private Practice, she established in 1992.

Over time Laura has specialized in Relationships; Life Transitions: Grief Resolution, Stress Management, and the Healing of Adult and Childhood Trauma .She has lead groups with a special emphasis on Women's Creativity Groups. Laura has given numerous presentations, as well as written many articles for local newspapers and regional magazines.

Laura's most recent venture has been her book, "The Nature Of Change". This book is the beginning of a dialogue to encourage, uplift and inform the reader. In it, she reaches out to others who may never choose to seek professional help, however they may appreciate having some tools and self-understanding to make necessary life changes.

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Laura Young, the Official Guide to Manifestation

Furtive Glances Are Not the Same As Making Eye Contact with Your Audience

If you have trouble making eye contact with your audience, I suggest you make every attempt to change that practice. A young lawyer with whom I was working would glance about the room, briefly looking at someone and then immediately glancing at someone else, never actually seeing any of us in his audience. At first, you would think he was making eye contact but as he continued in this pattern, you realized that he saw no one in his audience.

A furtive glance tells your listeners that you have something to hide. At the lectern, it means that:

1. you are not comfortable with public speaking;
2. you are more concerned with your agenda than with the needs of your audience; or,
3. you do not want to acknowledge those who have gone out of their way to be in attendance.

If you have difficulty making eye contact, then rest assured you are not communicating with your listeners: you are spitting out words, hoping to get it over with as quickly as possible.

Now admittedly, if you are addressing a large audience, you will not be able to make eye contact with every individual. By focusing your attention on different parts of the room, however, everyone in that particular area will think that you are looking at them. While you may not be able to meet the gaze of everyone, you will be able to recognize how receptive your audience is to what you are saying

Your goal in public speaking is to impart a message but if you are unaware of your audience’s reaction to you, then you are unaware of how your words are being perceived, understood or accepted. And, unless they are verbally responding to you, the only way you can know whether those in attendance are accepting of you or not is by making eye contact with them, just as you would were you having a conversation in your living room.

There is an art to public speaking. A furtive glance, staring at an object on the wall, or keeping your sight above the heads of your audience is not part of that art. Making eye contact is.
Author's Bio
The Voice Lady Nancy Daniels offers private, corporate and group workshops in voice and presentation skills as well as Voicing It!, the only video training program on voice improvement. For more information on upcoming workshops, visit Voice Dynamic.

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Nancy Daniels, the Official Guide to Public Speaking

If You Are Soft-Spoken, Your Message Is Not Being Heard

I once met a man who told me that his soft-spoken voice made others become quiet and pay attention to him. It took everything in my power not to laugh in his face. In today’s loud, fast-paced, hectic world, being soft-spoken is definitely not a strength, especially in America. To be constantly asked to repeat yourself is one of the reasons others take over the conversation.

Imagine watching a movie and the volume is not quite loud enough to be able to understand the actors’ words. That is exactly what is happening when you speak and others cannot hear you. To solve the problem with the movie, you simply turn up the volume. Unfortunately, it is not quite that simple with the speaking voice because your inner ear has spent a lifetime being most comfortable with your softer volume level.

Your inner ear is the way you perceive your voice – its timbre, volume, and other qualities. Unfortunately, your inner ear is a poor judge of how you actually sound to everyone else. When you speak, the voice you hear in your head is sound vibrating in the solid and liquid of the brain – distorted sound.

What you hear on your answering machine, voicemail, or other form of recording equipment, however, is sound traveling through the air. And, you do not recognize that voice because it is foreign to you. It is not how your inner ear perceives your voice.

The answer is to train yourself to accept a larger volume of sound. Admittedly, your inner ear will revolt in the beginning because you will think that you are shouting or that you are speaking too loudly. This is why recording yourself is the 1st step in re-training your inner ear to appreciate that increase.

I suggest you record a TV broadcaster’s voice and then record yourself directly following the professional. When you make the recording, be sure that the volume for the broadcaster is at a comfortable listening level. Then when you record yourself, place the microphone the same distance from yourself as it was from your speakers.

Play it back and adjust the volume output according to the professional’s voice. Then listen to your volume. Were you softer than the other voice? If so, can you appreciate the need to speak in a ‘normal’ volume level if you expect to be heard? Notice that I said normal, not loud.

I do not want anyone speaking loudly. Loud hurts your listeners’ ears. Your goal is not to speak loudly but to speak with a normal amount of volume. If you expect your message to be heard, it will not happen until you are ready to accept that increase.
Author's Bio
The Voice Lady Nancy Daniels offers private, corporate and group workshops in voice and presentation skills as well as Voicing It!, the only video training program on voice improvement. Visit Voice Dynamic and watch Nancy as she describes Your Volume Control.

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Nancy Daniels, the Official Guide to Public Speaking

Why You Should Not Memorize the Body of Your Speech or Presentation

At a workshop I was holding in Toronto, one of the participants proceeded to deliver part of a rote, memorized persuasive presentation. This man, who I will call Bill, told us that he was a ‘professional’ speaker and that his presentations lasted 90 minutes. Luckily for us, he was only allowed to speak for 8-9 minutes; however, it took just 5 minutes of his memorized script for the attention of the group to begin to fade, as their eyes glazed over.

What was so interesting about Bill’s delivery was that at one point, he forgot a word. He then looked up to the ceiling, trying to capture the word. It was at that moment, and at that moment only, that he sounded and looked natural.

If you memorize your presentation or your speech, you are bound by the memorized word. Public speaking has, as one of its two fundamentals terms, the word speaking. The premise is that you are to talk to your audience, not at them. If you deliver a memorized script, you are not talking to or communicating with your listeners, you are performing. In that sense, you are acting.

The difficulty with memorization is two-fold:

1. If you forget where you are, you will have much more difficulty recapturing your thoughts. With memorization, there is a different thought process involved than in speaking around notes, a PowerPoint presentation or slides. In the latter, you have bullet points pointing you in the right direction. If you forget where you are when playing the piano, for example, it is quite possible that your fingers will continue to play even if your mind goes blank. This only happens, however, if you know the musical selection inside and out. Why the same does not hold true for memorization in speaking, however, is because the words will not come out of your mouth if you have forgotten what comes next.

2. The other problem with memorization is that you do not sound natural. Your delivery is much like that of the telesales people who phone you with their memorized script, trying to sell you something. What is fascinating about their approach is that they have no desire to communicate with you. Their role is to spit out a pile of words, trying to force you to listen and never once showing an interest in your response. Trying to politely end the conversation is near to impossible; and, sometimes the only way to tell them you are not interested is to hang up. Much the same is happening to the delivery of the memorized speech or presentation. It does not allow for your awareness of your audience’s reaction to you.

There are times when memorization is a must in public speaking. The body of your speech or presentation is not one of them.
Author's Bio
The Voice Lady Nancy Daniels offers private, corporate and group workshops in voice and presentation skills as well as Voicing It!, the only video training program on voice improvement. For more information on upcoming workshops, visit Voice Dynamic.

Additional Resources covering Public Speaking can be found at:

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Nancy Daniels, the Official Guide to Public Speaking

When You Answer the Phone, Does the Caller Ask to Speak to Your Mother or Father?

Nothing is more humiliating then answering the phone and having the caller ask to speak to your mom or your dad and you are 20 or 40 or 60-years-old! While this problem is generally more common among women than men, it is demoralizing to have others think you are a child over the phone.

In person, you obviously don’t look like a child, but the image you are projecting if you sound like an 8-year-old is definitely not an image that lends credibility to you or instills confidence in your listeners. If you sound like a child, you will be treated as such.

I once worked with a woman who sounded like a 6-year-old and even resorted to ‘baby talk’ amongst her colleagues. In charge of mortgages at her bank, she did not instill confidence when she spoke. Once she worked with me and we found her ‘real’ voice, she not only sounded mature but she even walked differently. Her posture and her stance changed for the better – and I don’t teach posture!

It is amazing how your life can change when you find your ‘real’ voice. It will be deeper in pitch (pitch is the highness or lowness of sound – not the volume which is the loudness or softness of sound) and resonant, vibrating in your chest much like the voices of Diane Sawyer, Ashley Judd, Demi Moore, Cher and Kate Beckinsale.

In addition, you will be able to increase your volume without shouting, which is known as projection. You will also discover the best means of controlling your nervousness in any form of public speaking. And, as you age, you will find your voice continuing to improve because you have taken the strain off your vocal folds by allowing your chest to power and amplify your sound. So you will never sound too young or too old. A resonant speaking voice is ageless.

You will probably sleep better and longer; your physical endurance will be greater; and, your stress will be lessened considerably. All of these marvelous benefits are possible once you discover your ‘real’ voice. It is truly an amazing process. You will sound better; you will probably look better; and, you most definitely will feel better about yourself.

If you care about the image you project and how others perceive you, find your ‘real’ voice, and never be mistaken for an 8-year-old again!
Author's Bio
The Voice Lady Nancy Daniels offers private, corporate and group workshops in voice and presentation skills as well as Voicing It!, the only video training program on voice improvement. Visit Voice Dynamic and discover the best means of sounding more mature.

Additional Resources covering Public Speaking can be found at:

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Nancy Daniels, the Official Guide to Public Speaking

How to Undo Stress--Access Your Dialog Between the Conscious and the Subconscious About that Primal Feeling in Your Gut

Much of the discomfort we experience that we call 'stress' is really turf related. Defending turf is a primary instinct for mammals and we are mammals for all our pretensions. In humans 'turf' expands to whatever it is we feel entitled to. When we allow bullies of any stripe to invade our space, when we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of, or to lose a goody that we had dibs on, our primal gut alarm goes off. But for many people, (1) conditioning, (2) feeling they have to please their environment, and (3) the labels they put on things force them to allow their turf to be invaded, and they feel they even have to smile about the intrusion, that the terms of some truce they are agreeing to require them to concede. These are the incidents and these are the times symptoms result from the stress. Symptoms like an ulcer in that gut, an ulcer that invades the wall!--where a wall of turf was breached.

But it isn't the stressor (the incident) per se; it is that we allow what we feel instinctually we shouldn't, that causes the gut-wrenching. (Note: It is what we feel that operates here, regardless of what is factual from an objective, or from another's, point of view.)

Moral cowards suffer a thousand deaths. Making allowances (making excuses) for insufferable people makes us suffer. Sometimes one snarly remark on our own part repeated a few times, or one instance of 'pretending you didn't say that to me,' saves a lifetime of enduring endless mooching, nagging, whining, wheedling, sulking, social aggression, intimidation and manipulations. The point on the video David Riklan made quoting Dr. Phil that 'We teach others how to treat us' was priceless! I will remember that remark forever! Thank you both for that!

But you know what gets me stressed out?--having several things to do, especially when the phone rings on top of that. That stressed-out feeling informs me that I have an instinctual (gut level) assumption that I am entitled (key word) to an orderly progression of events. So stress reduction here would be getting rid of that feeling of entitlement by analyzing it and seeing its inherent silliness. Alternatively, I could arrange my day (or rearrange my life) so interruptions do not arise, so there's no multi-tasking. Of course, with that change would come some other undesirable elements. So I determine, in an internal dialog, that the price of accepting the distractions is worth the benefits. That determination and that acceptance operate to kill the stressed-out feeling because now I have made a conscious choice to allow these moments of chaos. Now I have less resentment. Now that I have analyzed my situation, I can live with it, come to terms with it.

This internal negotiation that I describe here is a dialog between the conscious and the subconscious, to get themselves working together. The subconscious, of course, is instinct. If you listen to this internal dialog of yours by tuning into it and becoming aware of it whenever your gut wrenches, you discover your own idiosyncrasies as I discovered my severe resentment of disruptions. That dialog is going on in you right now. It is yourself talking to yourself, commenting upon and categorizing what is going on; and it hums quietly in the background of consciousness, like white noise. It is there, just tune in, look for it.

Make a distinction between the stressor and the feeling of being stressed-out. This is important. A particular stressor need not make you frantic; it can be reframed, reworked, made light of, shrugged off, laughed at ('There I go again!'), worked around, accepted--the possible antidotes are limitless. But you have to find first the feeling of aggravation and then the dialog, to analyze your way to your solution. Happy hunting!

Author's Bio
Emily supports a 500-acre elk sanctuary through analytical Tarot psychic advice and practical strategy advice in business, in social and love life, as well as in medical and legal matters. As you analyze and deal with your 'real-world' issues through knowing others’ thinking and feeling (their motives, intentions and attitudes), you automatically develop mental and spiritual depth. Three questions analyze accurately in detail one relationship of any kind in 12 minutes ($45). Emily is preparing classes to teach the system in depth. If you email, Emily will call you at the telephone number you leave.

emilysinsight@gmail.com

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Happiness is a Choice: 7 Ways To Feel Happy Right Now

Happiness isn't something that suddenly appears in our lives when we have everything we want; happiness is a choice we make in every moment. Sometimes it's just not possible to feel on top of the world; for example if we've just lost someone we love, nothing is going to make us feel happy right now. In those circumstances, probably all we can manage to do is accept how we feel and maybe find a little relief.

These tips are for the times when we wish we felt better and need a quick fix:

1.Appreciate what you have. Nothing new about “count your blessings” but that's because it really works! If you can, start as soon as you wake in the morning and just look around your room for reasons to feel better. Your comfortable bed, the shaft of sunlight coming through the curtains, the anticipation of the taste of that first cup of coffee – now keep going …

2.Do a little daydreaming. Imagine one perfect scenario and really live it for a couple of minutes – no more than that. This is something you can do almost anytime and it will put a smile on your face and give you a quick recharge when you feel yourself wilting.

3.Go outside or lean out of the window and look up at the sky. Even if it's grey and cloudy, it's still a magnificent and magical sight. I especially love a windy day, when the clouds scud across so quickly, with so much energy.

4.Go for a walk. Exercise of any kind is the absolute best way to get yourself out of a funk and a walk needs no special equipment (so no excuses). Even 10 minutes brisk walking with deep breathing will give you a whole new perspective.

5.Listen to the voice in your head. If the story it's telling is a negative one, then change it. Most of the time we're not even aware of the thoughts we have “by default”, but they churn away automatically and when we stop to listen to them it can be a big shock to realise just how negative they are. Make a point of tuning in maybe once an hour and making the conscious decision to focus on something happy or positive for a couple of minutes. After a few days of awareness, that inner voice will start to sound a bit more cheerful.

6.Look for the sparkle in every scene. I heard that phrase from a friend and it stuck with me because it's so evocative. Another way of saying it is look for the positive in everything, but “sparkle” is a word that makes me smile. You don't have to be a Pollyanna (although there's nothing wrong with that) but making a conscious choice to find at least one positive “sparkle” in every challenge will make it easier to find a solution.

7.Breathe, slowly and deeply. Breathe in for a slow count of four, hold it for two, breathe out completely for four. Nothing complicated, you're breathing anyway so why not make the most of it? Deep breathing makes you feel more energised, reduces stress and can even help you lose weight!

The above tips are simple, easy ways to deliberately lift your mood. The more you do them, the more effective they are. Pick one right now and put a smile on your face!
Author's Bio
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Invest For Your Wealth, Invest IN Your Health

As the Investment Guide at SelfGrowth.com, you probably wouldn’t expect to see an article talking about your health, but health care costs can impact a person’s financial plan more than any other single item.

Yet how many of us are formally investing in our wellness? Is wellness a category in your budget? I believe it should be. Especially since wellness costs are seldom covered by insurance.

I believe that many alternative health providers, from energy healers to acupuncturists, to naturopaths, are providing as good, if not better, health care to their patients as traditional western doctors, and often with better results.

I’m speaking to this issue from my own experience. I was recently diagnosed with diverticulitis after suffering a number of episodes of fairly severe abdominal pain. Until the last episode, I chalked these episodes up to the flu, but this last time it was far too severe to be dismissed without seeing a doctor.

After waiting three days just to get in to see the doctor, and then waiting another five days for a CT scan, I was not feeling overly optimistic about our health care system. Then, after a reaction to the barium dye they used during the CT scan, and absolutely no follow up after my diagnosis, I was left on my own to figure out how to manage this condition.

While not life threatening, I couldn’t understand why there was no written directive on what to do after the diagnosis. I did some research and found the most common advice was to eat more fiber while feeling good and avoid fiber when having an episode of pain.

Frankly, I didn’t want another episode of pain so I felt there must be more I could do. After seeking the advice of an energy healer I had worked with in the past, he recommended a naturopath in the area. The naturopath tested me for all kinds of deficiencies in my body’s systems and came up with a plan to bring my entire body back into optimal health. It seems, if all the systems are working right, the digestive system would take care of itself. So that is the road I am on as we speak.

After a total of six hours on two different occasions with the naturopath I have spent $250. After a visit to the doctor and a CT scan, my insurance company spent over $2500 and I still got a bill for $134 for things the insurance company didn’t pay for.

And, since I started working with the naturopath, I have had NO pain. None. In fact, when I first saw him, I walked into his office in pain, and after just one set of treatments, walked out with none. That was not the case with “Dr. I’m Too Busy to see you today, and now that I know what’s wrong with you, eat more fiber.”
And I won’t even go into all the side effects I had from the antibiotics that were prescribed by the doctor.

Now, don’t get me wrong, if I was experiencing severe chest pains, I’d call for an ambulance. But I have a friend who was diagnosed with diabetes at age 48 and by following a strict vegan diet he is off all insulin and medications and his doctor says it looks as though he never had diabetes. She was astounded.

I’m suggesting that we open our minds to alternatives. Western practitioners have been a blessing but they do not have all the answers.

So, rather than forego working with alternative care providers, I suggest you start a “wellness fund.” In addition to setting aside money for mortgage payments, car payments, utility bills, and vacations, etc., why not invest money in your own wellness?

Consider setting aside money for alternative practitioners, massage therapists (great for reducing stress), supplements, homeopathic treatments, and study of these alternative practices. And consider investing in better nutrition – buying organic when you can and from local providers as often as possible.

The more you take charge of your own self-care, the better care you will get when you need it.

I truly believe if we spent just a little of our money on wellness we’d be far healthier and less dependant on western medicine and insurance companies. Now wouldn’t that be interesting?
Author's Bio
Janet Tyler Johnson is author of the book "Finding Financial Fulfillment, for a Life Filled with Money and Meaning" and is a Certified Financial Planner(R) professional with over 25 years of experience in the financial services industry. Prior to opening her own fee-only financial planning and investment advisory firm in 2005 she was in charge of the financial planning and investment management division of the country's 12 largest CPA firm. You can learn more about Janet and the services she offers at http://www.jataj.com.

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Janet Tyler Johnson, the Official Guide To Investing

Raise Your Self-Esteem, Six Behaviors That Give You a Boost

The importance of self-esteem is an unavoidable reality. All of us are impacted by our self-esteem, whether we recognize it or not. High self-esteem allows us to respect ourselves and makes it easier for others to respect us as well. When we feel good about ourselves we are more able to successfully handle life’s challenges. We will also be much more likely to enjoy the good times.

Almost everyone struggles with self-esteem some of the time. Even those who seem arrogant and overconfident are probably compensating for a bit of self-doubt. Then there are those for whom high self-esteem seems like an impossible dream. Since self-esteem is so important and affects every aspect of our life, how do we lift ourselves up?

One of the easiest ways to have high self-esteem is to have parents who have high self-esteem. Unfortunately many people have not had that luxury. But we are not doomed to stay stuck in low self-esteem. We each have a responsibility to first become aware of the state of our self-esteem and then, if we find ourselves wanting, we need to accept the responsibility to do what it takes to raise our self-esteem.

How can we tell if we have high self-esteem? There are six behaviors that tend to indicate high self-esteem. The fascinating thing is that if you have low self-esteem, behaving like you have high self-esteem can actually raise your self-esteem. There is something about disciplining yourself and practicing these six self-esteem behaviors that helps you to raise your self-esteem.

1. Wake Up in Your Life
Get to know yourself. Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings; get to know your preferences and opinions. Allow yourself to seek reality checks and be willing to see and correct mistakes. This means snapping out of autopilot and being present in your own life.

2. Accept Yourself
Accepting yourself does not mean pretending that you are perfect. You can accept yourself and still want to change something about yourself. The reality is that we can never change that which we resist. When you hate parts of yourself, you will find that you have given those parts incredible staying power. Self-acceptance is the foundation for growth.

3. Take Responsibility for You
You are responsible for those things that are within your control—your thoughts, your words, your action, your values, your happiness . . . You are not responsible for those thing outside your control. Stop waiting for someone to rescue you, to make you happy or whatever it is you are waiting for and be there for yourself.

4. Stand Up for You—Be Assertive
This is your life and if you sell yourself short to please others your self-esteem will suffer. Accept that your needs and wants are important. Muster the courage to stand up for what is important to you. Start small and work your way up.

5. Live Purposefully
Set and achieve goals. It is not the achievement that is important; what is important is that the process of achieving feels real good. These feelings of satisfaction will boost your self-esteem.

6. Strengthen Your Integrity
Say what you mean and mean what you say. If your behavior contradicts something that you value or believe, you let yourself down. Self-esteem is about what you think of yourself. Living with integrity or practicing what you preach helps you to raise your self-esteem.

The formula to raise your self-esteem is simple, but not easy. If these behaviors are not a natural part of your life, it will take some persistence and practice to include them. But adopting these behaviors will reward you in every aspect of your life. According to Nathaniel Branden, “To trust one’s mind and to know that one is worthy of happiness is the essence of self-esteem.”

Author's Bio
Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C., C.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

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