Sunday, February 27, 2011

Sex positions

In the dance of lovemaking, each movement from you creates a response from your partner and the dance begins. The heart and soul connection between the partners fuels the blissful dance, and the position is the supporting choreography.

Positions may be peaceful for soft arousal, while others suggest and support high arousal and strong thrusting. Many yoga postures lend themselves to lovemaking as well.

As you relax and surrender to your body intelligence, the positions will naturally flow. Be in tune to the moment, rather than trying to follow a set routine.

Here’s a very popular position called ‘Riding High’ or ‘C.A.T.’ – coital alignment technique:

Many sex positions do not stimulate the clitoris very effectively – meaning to the degree needed for a woman to reach orgasm. Well, the coital alignment technique does - hence its popularity!

Here’s the scoop - The man slides two to four inches forward from the typical missionary position and rather than resting on his elbows, his arms cup the woman’s shoulders so that his body falls flat against hers. Both spines should be straight and the base of the penis will naturally rub the clitoris. Now do some genital soft rocking. The woman’s legs are straight out and touching her partner’s while she pushes her pelvis upward about two inches. He pushes down gently to give a slight counter-resistance. The movement is all up-and-down rocking, rather than in-and-out thrusting.

How to Be More Attractive to Men - Ladies It's Time to Loosen Up and Get Your Mo-Jo Back!

If you are a lovely lady stuck at home on Saturday night wondering where all the decent men have gone, you may be just a few steps from meeting Mr Wonderful!

Ladies are always looking for ideas on how to be more attractive to men. However sometimes it's the simple things in life that make all the difference. So forget about all the books out there and pay attention to a few key points: self confidence, presentation, originality and soul.

Self confidence is probably an obvious one to you, but did you know that it also refers to the ability to love and respect one's self? So start from the inside out and learn to really value yourself. You're a great person!

Once you're all loved up it's time to be more attractive and look great! Presentation will always catch a man's attention. Now there's no need to expose a lot of flesh or feel uncomfortable, just keep a few style tips in mind. Wear what suits your shape, choose colors that flatter your skin tone, wear darker clothes on your larger body parts, accessorize areas that you would like to draw attention to, and finally always have great body posture. These all will take years off your age and make you appear far more composed and self assured.

Originality goes hand in hand with loving and being true to yourself but having soul is an added dimension.

To have soul you need to be alive, focused in the moment and genuine. Always see the best in yourself and others, express gratitude for what you have in your life, and be like a playful inquisitive child! Now go and release your Mo-Jo and let your energy draw him in.

What Are Your Sex Expectations? 20 Ideas Of Discussion For Sex Expectations

Our lives are full of expectations, dreams and goals we want to accomplish. We all have expectations, dreams and goals for our marriage and many of those are in the area of sex. Unfortunately, many couples never take time to sit down and actually discuss their sex expectations. We may feel embarrassed about some of our expectations or even think that our spouse might think we are "dirty" or "perverted". Therefore, we stay quiet and only dream about our expectations and even get frustrated with our spouse because they can't figure it out. God created sex for enjoyment not just for procreation and I believe that the best sex is married sex. Yet, many couples miss out on enjoying each other erotically. The lack of discussing our sex expectations can sometimes even lead to fantasizing about acting out our sexual desires with someone other than our spouse. It is a tragedy that those fantasies and desires are as close our bedroom yet so far away because we don't talk about them.

All couples enter marriage with their sex expectations regarding frequency, endurance, performance, sex positions, locations, and what types of sex you will engage in. The stereotype is that most men dream about their wife being that wonderful classy lady in public but a woman gone wild in bed ready to attempt any sexual act possible. In reality, many times it is the wife who has these sexual flames of desire for her husband and how he will be a Tarzan in the bedroom. It is not always the man who has the strongest sexual desires.

Almost every couple wants a healthy and fun sex life. How about you? Why are you putting off talking about your sex expectations? These expectations can be silent for years in a marriage creating frustrations that show up in many areas of the marriage. I disagree with those that say sex is not that important in marriage. If it is not important why can it create serious frustrations and issues in marriage? Also, if it is not important then why do couples with good sex have healthier relationships and lives? Research proves that good sex helps make a good marriage.

Here are some questions and thoughts you can discuss about your sex expectations:
1. What are some challenges related to your sex life?
2. Is quality or quantity most important?
3. How much is enough?
4. What is the sexiest thing about your spouse?
5. What is the sexiest thing about you?
6. When do I feel most sexy?
7. What really turns me on?
8. My fantasies include......
9. I want to have more......
10. What would you like to change or improve in our sex?
11. I would like to attempt new sex positions such as....
12. What do you think about masturbation together or individually?
13. To me foreplay means....
14. Should we add sex toys to our sex play?
15. What about sleeping nude?
16. Something I think about a lot related to sex that might surprise you is.....
17. On a scale of 1 to 10 my orgasms usually rank.....
18. Our sex seems boring to me because....
19. My thoughts on quickies are....
20. Something I love about our sex life is.....

These are just a few topics of sex expectations you can discuss. The list will grow once you get started. If you increase your communication skills and reach deeper levels of intimacy outside the bedroom your enjoyment of sex in the bedroom and anywhere else you can imagine having it will become very satisfying!

I have heard it said "As your sex life goes, so goes the rest of your relationship." How is your sex life? Are you talking about your sex expectations?

Do You Understand Your Man?

Understanding men in relationships, though many single women will disagree, is quiet simple. The reason is that men, unlike women, are very simple creatures. They have simple needs, desires and are not overtly emotional, like women.

Still, many women find themselves in a situation where they never get a call after the first date or where they have been in a series of broken relationships, or where they have been dumped by men without any warning or where women in long relationships are left waiting for that marriage proposal, which never comes their way.

If you too are a woman, who has faced a familiar situation and want to know a few magical tips on understanding men in relationships, then below is something very interesting what you are looking for.

Main Tips on How to Understand Men Better

It is human nature that we always want the things which we do not have. And once we have them, our desire fades away. Men are pretty much the same.

So, a useful tip for all single women is to remain a mystery for the man, especially in the initial phases of the relationship. It is a bad idea to tell a man how crazy you are for him or how much you want him. Let him confess his feelings to you initially, be slightly detached and give him opportunity to miss you. Once he makes the first move, you can tell him whatever you want to.

Men like challenges in life and love to 'chase' after a woman. So why deny him his fun? Be slightly unpredictable, once in a while. Do not always agree to what he says. Have your own opinions in life. Be very clear about your needs and expectations and do not overlook them, even if the man asks you to. A modern, assertive and challenging woman is much more appealing to a man than a woman who is always complying with her man's wishes.

Men do not like women who cling to them. Men don’t like women who makes huge emotional demands on the man, who constantly looks for his attention and who is always trying to please them. So, all women who are keen on understanding men in relationships should know that never ever sound desperate to a man as it is bound to turn him off. The more a woman clings to a man, the more he will try to distance himself from her.

Tips on Understanding Men in Love
When a man is in love, he will be at his best behavior around the woman he loves. He will do anything to keep the woman's attention to himself. He will try to know about the likes and dislikes of the woman, will try to understand her better and be very protective of her too.

Men in love may sometimes act in a very weird manner. He may act detached, all because he is fearful that he is falling in love with one particular woman. At the same time, he can become a little possessive of the woman he loves, because he fears that the woman might leave him for someone else.

Once a man is truly committed, he will introduce his woman to all his friends, family and everyone he knows. This is a man's way of showing that a woman now belongs to him. Although marriage is something that makes most men jittery, but when the right woman comes along, men no longer feel that way and are ready for commitment.

For understanding men in marriage, and to make her marriage successful, there are two things that a woman should never forget. Firstly, all men like to act as providers for their family and have an inherent need to be respected, trusted and looked after by their wives. Secondly, men just love sex and can not do without it. And for men sex is a way of feeling emotionally connected to the woman they love.

Is Your Relationship Sizzling or Lukewarm?

Is Your Relationship Sizzling or Lukewarm?
Dr. Erica Goodstone
By Dr. Erica Goodstone


See all articles by Dr. Erica Goodstone
See Dr. Erica Goodstone's expert page
Average:
3
Your rating: None Average: 3 (2 votes)
Share |

* Is YOUR Relationship bubbling, simmering or lukewarm?
* Are you feeling sexy, desirable, and passionate?
* Is your partner showing you the interest and attention you desire?

In a recent professional list serve discussion, one of my colleagues, Julian Slowinski, PsyD, shared with us his remedy, solution and recipe for nurturing desire and greater intimacy in relationships. He suggests that couples can remain “erotically (and otherwise) connected by applying the 4 T’s of Time, Talk, Touch, and Trust. The 4 T’s help create an environment of closeness, including (playful erotic promises), which tends to increase partner availability for sexual experiences.” Find out more ins this scintillating book, “Keeping the Erotic Pot Bubbling” (Milsten & Slowinski), The Sexual Male: Problems and Solutions, WW Norton, 1999, Chap.36)

Time

How much quality time are YOU spending with your spouse, live in partner or significant other? Is this quality time together or is it time shared with family, friends, business associates, children or other non-shared, non-intimate activities? Do you create and share exciting, adventurous and novel activities or are you stuck in a rut of non-activity or monotonous routines?

Talk

When you talk with your partner, what is the quality of your speaking contact? Do you sparkle at each other’s words, adding a hint of joyful promise or do you focus on the mundane details of daily living that drain the excitement out of your conversations? Do you speak in lilting, loving terms or do you disparage, criticize or in some way show less than optimal appreciation for each other? And – do you take the time to talk about what really matters to your partner as well as to yourself? Do you talk about it or avoid talking about it, hoping it will just go away? Do you whisper sweet nothings? Do you call and leave enticing messages on the phone? Do you send intriguing texts that make your partner smile, blush, feel warm all over or laugh out loud? Or do you really believe that none of this matters and your partner will just have to accept you the way you are, take it or leave it?

Touch

How often do you and your partner touch? Do you gently brush your partner’s face or hair, lightly touch his or her shoulder when you pass by, or stop briefly for a warm and cuddly hug? Do you rub your partner’s tired feet, soothe your partner’s aching neck, or give an all out back or shoulder or full body rub just to help your partner feel relaxed? Is your touch ALWAYS a prelude to further sexual contact or do you often touch just for the sake of tender loving care? And what is the texture and quality of your touch? Do you enjoy touching and being touched merely for the sensations and the sense of being close?

Trust

Is your relationship a safe place to be? Can you say what you truly feel and express it in a way that is natural for you, without the fear of receiving a backlash of criticism and defensive verbal (or even physical) retaliation? Do you trust that your partner shares the truth with you and would tell you if something out of the ordinary was to occur, e.g., contact with an ex-lover or unexpected texts from an attractive person? Do you trust that your partner has your best interests at heart, truly loves you, and wants you to feel happy, uplifted and good about yourself? Do you trust that your relationship has lasting potential and that you both want to remain together? Do you trust yourself to be the best person you can be with this partner?

If you truly want to keep your relationship stimulating and passionate, then take the time now to apply the 4 T’s. You will be delighted you did. BE FOREWARNED. If you choose to ignore the 4 T’s, you are entering dangerous relationship territory and satisfaction is NOT guaranteed.
Author's Bio

Dr. Erica Goodstone, a Healing Through Love Mentor, has helped thousands of men, women, couples, and groups to develop greater awareness of the issues in their relationships and their lives, to overcome and alleviate stressors and discords, and to revitalize their relationships and their own mind-body-spirit connection. Dr. Goodstone can be contacted through her web site at http://www.DrEricaWellness.com.
Get a free report, 7 Critical Love Mistakes at http://www.ThroughLove.com
Take the Create Healing and Love Now Personal quiz and get your free personal evaluation and bonus gifts at http://www.createhealingandlovenow.com.

Love, Lust and Friendship

Carl Reiner stated, “Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is most important.”

What is the difference between lust and love, between loving and liking?

Love involves being as concerns for someone else’s welfare as you are for your own. Love allows us to care for, serve and sacrifice for each other. O. Henry’s short story, The Gift of the Magi, exemplifies the selfless nature of love. In this story a young couple desperately want to give each other meaningful Christmas gifts. Because they have no money to purchase gifts they each choose to sacrifice their most valuable possession to buy a special gift for the other. Ironically Della sells her gorgeous long hair to buy a platinum chain for Jim’s watch, while Jim sells his watch to buy jeweled combs for Della’s hair. Their willingness to sacrifice their most treasured possession for each other represents the strength of their love.

Lust, on the other hand, is more self-centered. It is focused on fulfilling one’s physical urges and desires. Lust can be mistaken for love; it feels extremely intense, almost obsessive. Lust means putting one’s desires ahead of the other’s person’s best interests. There is no concern for the cost of one’s actions. Lust involves an all consuming; let the consequences be damned kind of attitude. Lust is easy, since it does not involve the day-to-day realities that love does. Lust is what makes an affair so intoxicating; reality does not have to interfere with the illusion of perfection.

Love encompasses passion, where lust is simply the empty shell of passion. Love can be passionate and intense, but it is also kind, patient and accepting. Love means dealing with reality and struggle and coming out closer. Lust means dealing with illusions of what is and what could be if only reality did not interfere.

The difference between liking and loving is the difference between friendship and romance. One the reasons that like is most important is that it is your friendship that can carry you through the tough times when you may start to doubt your love.

If you want your love to last then one of the most important things that you can do is to like each other. When we like people, we accept them as they are. One of the greatest dangers to a loving relationship is to be continually unhappy with and trying to change one’s partner.

In counseling we frequently hear statements that loosely translate to I love my partner but I cannot stand to live with him or her. “Like is most important,” because unless we like someone as well as love them, there is always that danger that love will fade.

I tend to agree with Reiner, that Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is most important. Lust is easy, because it simply involves allowing your physical desires and urges to run their course. It may be easy, but it is not fulfilling, since lusting leads to more lusting. Love is hard, because it involves giving of oneself and at times giving up some of what I want for we or us. Love is hard, but is fulfilling. And like is most important, because like is what holds it all together. Like means choosing to be happy with each other.

Music & Dancing is Like Sex & Romancing

If you’ve ever danced the night away, then you know how truly liberating, invigorating and therapeutic it can be to just let it loose on the dance floor. Music has a way of touching the soul in an extraordinary and profound way. Whether fueled by a DJ or a live band, dancing is quite similar to sex. By allowing yourself to fully delve into the veritable vibration of what you perceive, you’re able to become fully present to the physical sensations that you might not otherwise be keen to. It puts you completely in the moment and harmonizes your internal and external movements with the cadence of the energy current flowing in and around your entire body.

Music is similar to sexual energy – whether it’s rhythmic, melodic, gentle or robust. Sex can be soft and sweet – a relaxing exchange of soothing affection with tranquil tenderness like peaceful, acoustic ambient chill music. Or sex can be vigorous and dynamic – a spirited romp full of passion and eroticism, like high-energy electronic dance music or a powerful dramatic symphony. Often sex is a combination of movements and transitional interludes – an ebb and flow of infinite variations, like a rambling jam session with numerous instruments and capricious interplay. The energy builds and builds, gaining momentum, and when the song finally reaches its crescendo, it is akin to sexual climax.

Bonnie Raitt once said of Jimi Hendrix’s Purple Haze, “After the first time I heard it, I had to go and change my pants…” Aficionados of music, especially live music, know that soulful musicians can project their sexual energy through their instruments. Hendrix embodied this notion and inspired subsequent generations of musicians. It has been widely suggested and mostly agreed that his guitar was truly an extension of his penis. Bonnie, and millions of others, were hip to this. As with many musicians, Jimi handled his favorite instrument like it was an adored lover, affectionately directing its power and potential, fingering and fondling to evoke a marvelously seductive performance. Jimi’s vibe was carried further through the synching of his band to co-create a harmonious undulation of resonance that can be felt throughout every cell of your being. Most live bands feed off the energy of the crowd, creating a symbiotic accord and intensifying the connection.

The kind of music you enjoy can define much about who you are. You can certainly discover a lot about someone’s personality, interests, philosophies and beliefs by their preferred playlist. Specific genres of music can usually determine which particular demographic a person may fall into, bonding certain social groups together. You may enjoy trendy ‘top 40′, alternative, techno, reggae, classic rock, jam band, R & B, jazz, blues, country, pop, heavy metal, classical, etc. This can be especially useful when dating, as musical tastes are a great indicator of compatibility with a potential mate. Quite simply, if you appreciate the same kind of music as someone you’re dating, then you’ll most likely get along swimmingly.

Since the dawn of humanity, music and dance has been at the heart and soul of nearly every known culture. Music is part of our roots, as we celebrate our ethnic heritage and honor others in their cultural diversity. When we observe various customs in authentic musical and aesthetic expression, it fills our soul with tremendous appreciation for the beauty and essence of humanity. Whether you’re a spectator or a performer, there is a vibrational frequency that resonates throughout your entire being. Some of us are aware of it and can fully embody the vibe, and others may experience it on a different level. Whatever our preferences may be, it is easier to connect with like-minded individuals who enjoy the same styles as you do. Music is a great provider of common ground.

It is commonly discussed among women that you can gauge how a man is in bed by his dance moves. If he’s shy, reserved and tends to stand lifeless on the sideline, then he may be more conservative and unadventurous in bed. If he’s awkward, uncoordinated or seems insecure, it may also reflect poorly on his sexual expertise. You can sense his level of self-confidence and if he’s audacious and naturally outgoing, as the more genuinely secure and uninhibited he is, the chances are good he’ll be a mighty fine lover. Sometimes however, the shy quiet ones can be surprisingly amazing in bed – you just never know! : )

Music and dancing is a powerful aphrodisiac, as it gets the juices flowing and energy moving in the body, all while soothing the mind and balancing the mood. Like sex, dancing relieves stress and anxiety, also releasing endorphins which enhance energy level and increase libido. Dancing, making love or any other kind of sensual physical expression is deeply beneficial in holistically supporting a healthy body, mind and soul.

Whether you go out dancing or any other physical activity, or stay home and enjoy an enthusiastic sexcapade, be sure to sustain your energy all night long with an energy booster such as an all-natural topical cream. Avoid caffeine or synthetic energy enhancements. Try something like Onkor for sustainable everyday energy. Onkor contains powerful plant and mushroom extracts, botanicals and vitamins in a daily topical cream. You can purchase Onkor on-line via my blog site. Dance another song, play another round, enjoy one more time…

Female erotic energy - a field guide for men

Are you a man who can take directions from a woman?

This sex tip is all about direction, and despite my widespread reputation for being directionally challenged, you can trust me on this one.

I am going to guide you through an erotic touch experience with your lover, and this might just be the one that really lights her fire!

Let’s begin with you…

Self-preparation:
Be clean, nourished and hydrated. Clip nails and hangnails, and use hand lotion. She will notice. Don your silky boxers, sarong or use that birthday suit. Your self-preparation shows honor and is the first step into your role as a respectful giver.

Space setting:
Create a “love nest” on the floor. Comfort is essential, so place a thin mat or a few layers of bedding down and surround your nest with pillows. Now adorn this space for your lover with flowers, music, candles, incense, her favorite fluffy blanket, snack or drink. Have some massage oil ready (heated is best) and also some genital lube.

The act of building this love nest is a ritual—you are creating a space for magic to happen and adopting a “pleasure the Goddess” attitude.

The dance of energies:
Here’s an important concept: Touch, massage, and sex are about energy—connecting energetically with your lover and creating/allowing an energy flow. The more you embrace that notion, the more you will be able to employ techniques to create the sexual experience you desire. (And, to last longer!)

Energy can be very subtle, like a whisper or a glance. Other times it is huge and explosive, like an orgasm. But it is always sensitive and knowing. It knows what is happening in your heart, and if there is a disconnect between heart and hands, the energy will shrink and retreat. A loving, open heart allows the energy to move freely, bundling you both in that sweet “being in the flow” bliss.

Honoring the energy:
Energy prefers to advance slowly (and retreat gradually), so consider using this initial connection:

1) Lay side-by-side with your lover with your arm resting on her body.

2) Eye-gaze with her allowing your vision to get lazy and hazy—a sign of merging energies.

3) Synchronize your breathing with hers.

4) After a few minutes of silence, softly thank her for joining you, and let her know that tonight is all about her pleasure—she can only receive.

5) Gently nudge her to lying on her back as you sit by her side.

Touch her this way (upper body):
Don’t rush. You are honoring the Goddess, your energy bodies are connecting, and your new pattern of pleasuring has added anticipation to the mix. A super aphrodisiac!

1) Continue the eye contact and keep your body still. Moving as slowly as you can, brush her arms with your fingertips barely touching the body hair. Continue to her shoulders, neck, and upper chest. Move your fingers to her face and gently outline her lips, her eyes, her jaw, her outer ears, and then that soft, sensitive spot behind her ears.

2) Lean over and lightly touch your lips to hers. Gently suck first her upper lip and then her lower lip, nibble a bit, and retreat after outlining her mouth with your tongue.

3) Continue your light, slow touch as you move down to her breasts, stroking in a circular motion until you are tenderly teasing her nipples. Lick, suck, and blow if your intuition (or your lover!) suggests.

Now read her body. Does she seem relaxed and comfortable? Is she responsive to your touch? Or is her body asking you for more time and tenderness (foreplay)?

Erotic touch: Add variety, play with arousal levels, spread the energy, and just PLAY.

1) Massage her back. Gently coax your lover to turn onto her stomach and use feather strokes up and down her entire backside. Scratch her lightly with your nails or a dry body brush for sensation diversity, or tickle her with a feather or piece of fur. Massage her back with warm oil, but do not touch her sacrum or buttocks. She will notice your avoidance and wonder… More anticipation!

2) Establish positions. Lightly stroke her thighs and slowly nudge her legs apart by placing your hands on both sides of each leg, using circular massage strokes and greater pressure from the hand on the inside of her leg. Now you have moved her into a vulnerable position, and created a heap more anticipation. Reposition yourself to sitting or kneeling between her legs.

Read her body again. Is she relaxed and responsive? If not, continue with sensual, but non-sexual touch until she seems complete for this evening, and offer her this pleasuring again another night.

3) “Say hello” to her genitals. Reach one hand under your lover, and place your warm palm (no fingers, no lube) on her vulva (external genitals). Place your other palm on her sacrum. Hold static for a minute or so as you breathe deeply and slowly. You are saying hello to her genitals, an honoring energy connection. Now gradually increase the pressure of both hands (moving to very firm)—simultaneously press, release, press, release, as slowly as you can. Sensually tickle her inner thighs, and run your fingertips down her legs. Don’t rush.

4) Give an awakening massage. Remove your hand from her sacrum and with a palm over her labia, gradually increase the pressure while moving it very slowly in a circular motion. This action massages her labia and entire (internal and external) clitoral muscle, all 4.5 inches of it. Then reverse the direction.

5) Touch and tease. Gently pat some lube on your lover’s external genitals. Move her labia aside to expose the head of her clitoris, and with your palm, stroke from the clitoral hood to her vagina. Repeat several times. Now vary the stroking, pressure, and direction as you engage your fingers to awaken every inch of her luscious genitals. Watch her body and listen to her sounds as she indicates which touch techniques are her favorite.

6) Coax her arousal up, then down. As arousal builds, ask her to breathe with you—deeply, rapidly, and with a sound on the exhale. Take whatever time she needs. She may be on the brink of orgasm (though there are no goals or expectations). You may choose to support her through her release, or encourage her to marinate in those sweet erotic juices by bringing the energy down. Remove both hands from her genitals and use long strokes to spread the energy up her back, spine, and down her legs. Coach her in breathing deeply and slowly.

7) Release any stuck energy. Now switch gears. In a kneeling position, place your palms (straight arms) on her butt and thighs as you slowly lean onto her with your full body weight, release slowly also. Repeat several times, then put firm pressure on her sacrum and massage that energy up her spine.

8) Repeat. Continue to read her body, pleasure and tease, increase the arousal level, spread out the energy with long massage strokes, and bring the arousal down.

Orgasm…or No Orgasm:
Your lover may or may not experience an orgasm(s). Do not push for her to have one. Simply allow and invite. Her body is seeking satisfaction, and that may appear differently every time, so honor her body wisdom. Do not try to re-direct the path. You will know when she is complete.

The energy disconnect:
Honor the energy by offering a sweet, slow disconnect. As in the beginning, place a palm on her sacrum and the other over her genitals with light pressure. Breathe slowly several times before removing your hands. Learn over your lover and whisper in her ear, “Thank you for allowing me to pleasure you.”

Offer a full body hug, spooning, or she may prefer to be wrapped cocoon-like as she rests.

Before your planned pleasuring time:
Re-read my suggestions here and as you read, envision your actions. Then let my techniques rest gently in the back of your mind. When your heart is open and you are immersed in the flow of loving, erotic energy, you will create a pleasuring session that is just perfect, whether or not you’ve followed my suggestions precisely.

Congratulations on your willingness to join your lover in this new dance of erotic energies!

Female arousal - or Huh? This worked last week.

Female arousal…or…Huh? This worked last week.

Women are intricate beings. Not complicated – just intricate. A woman’s body is full of mysteries, and at times getting her aroused may seem like a journey to parts unknown.

But here’s the thing: the directions may change from week to week, or even day to day, so toss out your maps as they are unreliable. The feminine nature is one of change and fluidity - what sent her over the edge last week may even become an irritant this week.

Still ‘not complicated’ you say? Yes, not complicated. There’s a secret to female arousal and when that is recognized and accepted, the nature of the process is transformed.

SECRET: For women, it’s ALL about the journey.

Arousal Factors
Men are genitally aroused, women are generally aroused. Genital stimulation often brings men to full arousal. Women are more intricate. It is reported that an adult woman’s body is 10 times more sensitive to touch and pressure than a man’s, and therefore women are often more sensitive to the entire body’s potential for sensuous pleasure.

Typically a woman’s arousal is slower and requires an emotional component along with the increased physical stimulus. Visual or mental stimulus alone rarely work to arouse a woman and an unconscious comment can quickly shut her down.

Many women share that their partner’s put too much of their pleasuring energy on the genitals. Remember that women are multi-potential when it comes to receiving pleasure, so take the time to discover new erogenous zones and stimulate multiple body areas before moving to the genitals. As a general guideline, consider pleasuring her entire body for two-thirds of the time and her genitals for one-third.

A woman’s sex drive is often significantly affected by the events in her life. A difficult week at work can drastically diminish her sex drive; whereas under similar circumstances, a man may consider sex as a much desired sleeping pill. Women need more mood-setting, more foreplay and more time to reach orgasm, though they are more likely to have many orgasms, and they can ejaculate, too.

Learn your partner’s unique secrets. Which of her nipples is more easily aroused? How do her earlobes like to be stimulated? Remembering your partner’s secrets shows presence and honoring – important factors for the development of a heart-connection with most women.

Women whose bodies have been the object of criticisms often have difficulty moving past their perceived imperfections into full acceptance and ultimate pleasure. If you are truly able to love and accept her just as she is, tell her and show her. Just as most men perceive their penis to be imperfect, most women perceive their breasts to be too small, too droopy, and their butts and thighs to be too big, too jiggly.

Timing
What worked great last week may not have the same explosive effect this week. Be aware of your partner’s sensitivities regarding her menstrual cycle, or her pre-, peri- or post-menopausal condition. Are her breasts and nipples too tender to have them touched just before her period? Is she more easily aroused during her period, with a slower arousal just after her period? Does she feel her strongest urge for sex during ovulation? A woman’s hormone fluctuations or imbalances can have a powerful effect on her sexuality, and she usually has little or no control over them.

Consider this: A woman’s variety of reactions and sensitivities helps you to remain creative, patient and present. A journey to be savored, for sure!

If We're Honest About Physical Attraction

We did an online poll for my visit with on-air personalities Woody & Jim today on 107.5 The River in Nashville. The question was, “Which is most important to you?” The choices were: 1) your mate takes care of his/her body and keeps looking good, 2) your mate fulfills your sexual desires but lets his/her body go, or 3) your mate trips and falls under a bus. (The last one was there because Woody and Jim are hilarious…)

Votes?

60% choose number one — the attractive mate

33% chose number two — sexual desires fulfilled

7% chose number three — mate under a bus (hopefully they were kidding)

The numbers aren’t surprising. For years I’ve taught sessions to those who work with marriages and discussed with them the role physical appearance plays in marital satisfaction.

In the counseling world one of the “secrets” that typically doesn’t get talked about in public is the number of husbands who love their wives but are no longer sexually attracted to them because they are overweight.

Talking about that on TV or radio tends to rile listeners who feel that it is prejudiced toward people who struggle with weight. I certainly don’t want to offend, but the truth is — whether we like it or not — physical appearance matters from the time we first meet until we die.

As I employ the word appearance, I must broaden that to include all five senses. In a survey I did a couple years ago, the greatest physical deterrent to a wife’s being attracted sexually to her husband was hygiene. They were turned off by cigarette or cigar breath, unshaven faces over the weekend, coming home dirty and doing nothing about it, or, (dare I say it) certain smells that the human body sometimes makes. In short, women were just as concerned about the man’s physicality as were the men about the women’s.

So what do we learn from all this?

It is never okay to let yourself go. Thinking, “Well, we’re married now and I don’t have to watch the calories as much, or worry about exercizing as often” is not wise. Though our appearance changes with age, the truth is that we should be as physically attractive as possible for our mates as long as we both live. Why wouldn't we want to do that for the one we vowed to love and cherish?

So what do you do if you're not physically attracted to your spouse? We'll use weight as an example.

First, assure your spouse several times every day that you love him just as he is and that you are committed to be with him for life (this, of course, applies to husband or wife).

Second, open your heart and explain how you feel about his weight or whatever the physical issue is that can be improved. Be honest about all your emotions.

Third, ask him if he will commit to diet and exercise for you as well as for his own well being. Help in every way that he will allow. Encourage him to seek reputable professional guidance.

If you work on this together, with honesty and openness, you will bring attraction back into your marriage.

Are they attractive enough for a one night stand?

Men seem to be more interested in meeting a girl for the first time and hooking up regardless of what she looks like. Are they attractive enough for a one night stand? Research shows that men are less picky in terms of who they will have casual sex with. Women tend to increase what is wanted in terms of attractiveness when seeking a casual adventuresome night and men on the other hand do not discriminate as intensely.

Dr Achim Schützwohl, from the Department of Psychology at Brunel University explored physical attractiveness and whether men and women were willing to accept any of these three offers:

1) To go out
2) Go to their apartment
3) Go to bed with them

In his research conducted in the US, Germany and Italy he used 427 males and 433 female students. The students were then asked if they were approached by another gender who has been described as slightly unattractive, moderately attractive or exceptionally attractive for a casual encounter which would they be likely to accept.

In each of the three levels of attractiveness described above men were more likely to go out, go to their apartment and go to bed with them. German men were less apt to go out or go to their apartment than Italian and American men. Italian men were more likely to just go to bed with them than American men. German men were less likely than American men to go to bed with them. The cultural and sexual morals played a part in the likely variations.

With the three offers given the men were more likely to engage in a woman that was moderately or exceptionally attractive than if she was slightly unattractive. Women increasingly placed significant importance on a man’s looks. Women were more likely to accept going to their apartment or going to bed from a exceptionally attractive man.

In the end if a woman wants to have casual sex she will most likely pick the exceptionally attractive man for the unplanned encounter. Are they attractive enough for a one night stand, well it depends on your gender?

The Heliotropic Mind and 7 Emotions to Cultivate in Life

If you’ve heard of a Heliotropic plant you’ll know that its stem grows in the direction of the sun so it can take full advantage of the photosynthesis process. I believe we have a Heliotropic Mind as well, we want to have positive emotions in our life and if we grow these positive emotions and cultivate them it will put the negative emotions into the shade.

We never want to get rid of negative emotions because they are a useful learning tool, and it is only natural that negativity is experienced throughout our lives. However, if we can cultivate and grow our positive emotions them we can shade the negative emotions when they arise.

I’d like to discuss seven emotions to cultivate in life to put negative emotions in the shade. If you are feeling one emotion you can’t feel another particular emotion at the same time. Hence, if you are feeling a positive emotion you can’t feel a negative emotion at the same time. So the more positive emotions you have the less negative emotions you have.

Seven emotions to cultivate

1 - Gratitude

Gratitude is an extremely powerful emotion to cultivate in your life. First thing in the morning I get up and I always acknowledge that I feel grateful for the people in my life; my wife, my two boys, my mum and dad, my sisters, my father in law, my mother in law and all the family round about me.

This acknowledgment only takes a couple of seconds and I say thanks, not to anyone really other than them, although I acknowledge that we each have different beliefs and I respect that, but for me I thank the people. I’m also thankful for the inanimate objects in my life; car, computer etc. I know they aren’t people or living entities but they do help to enrich my life.

I acknowledge every day that I’m blessed, not only to myself but to those around me, and for what I have and I’m really grateful of everything. Now I’m a silent gratitude person, I say it inwardly, my wife on the other hand is more external. She appreciates everyone outwardly, when she is feeling a particular emotion, she actually verbalises it to whoever it may be, she also expresses it by non-verbal communication. I show it by my actions as well as by acknowledging it internally. Some people keep a gratitude journal, one of my blogging friends Zeenat Syal keeps a gratitude journal and has blogged about this.

2. Passion

The second emotion to cultivate is passion. Without passion there is no way I would have been able to write 450 articles on this blog. But, ultimately I really believed that I could help people to change their lives if they want to . It might not be in this fashion, it might be in book form or on my blog which has been established for years, but what I knew was that if I had the passion, drive and knowledge then I would succeed.

The cultivation of passion keeps us interested and encourages us to experience the emotions that life has to bring. Writing for the blog puts me on a natural high and low, it’s really taken me through on an emotional journey. But, the passion and drive has never left me, and this has what has encouraged me to keep writing.

So cultivate passion in your life, find something that you are interested in, that you believe in or love. It could be your children, husband, friends, yourself, business, your work, really anything that you can invest in.

3 - Confidence

The next emotion we could try and cultivate is one of confidence. If you don’t have confidence in yourself then you really won’t have confidence in the world around you.

The way to start that is to reflect on your past success. Every single person in the world has a past success no matter how small let that small success drive you forward. That small success could be the next step to a bigger success and then another and another etc. So cultivate confidence in your life by looking at past experiences and getting yourself into a state of confidence.

4 - Love

The next emotion to cultivate is one of love. This is a big one for me; I’ve changed my world literally through finding my wife and my kids etc. It’s expressing that emotion of love and I do it every single day. I’m not saying that just to be ‘cheesy’ , I genuinely feel this way and express it every single day because I adore my wife and my kids, and my life and my family round about me as well. So try and express and cultivate the feeling of love within your life and that’s looking at who’s in your life, which can extend to work colleagues and friends as well.

5 - Positivity

The next emotion for cultivation is positivity. I know a lot of people say positivity doesn’t really work. It’s unrealistic to expect the feeling of positivity to last throughout the day, especially in this day and age when there are so many pressures on everyone and it’s only natural to feel negative. How else can you truly appreciate the positive emotions in our lives?

Try and look for the good things in people, stop reading newspapers and listening to the news because that instils an emotion of fear and negativity. We’ve spoken about the sensationalising of negativity that sells newspapers. It’s crucial to balance negative emotions with positive emotions but it’s much easier to find positivity if you are looking for it, negativity needs no assistance to feed your fears.

So look at yourself and cultivate that feeling of positive emotion.

6 - Energy

The next emotion is one of energy, maybe when you have felt energised in the past you probably all felt elation, excitement, pleasure etc. Try and cultivate that by looking at what excites you and elicits energy. Obviously if your body has really slowed down it’s an indication that you need to change something about your lifestyle to give you more energy in your life. So try and look at that and the feeling of cultivating the emotion energy in your life as well.

7 - Giving

The last emotion is the gift of giving. What I mean is doing good for people without expecting anything in return at all just do something nice for someone just for the sake of it, don’t expect anything in return that includes even a thank you.

Just do it and don’t tell anyone about it either. So if you’ve given money to charity don’t tell anyone about it just do it and guaranteed you’ll feel good about yourself and the world around you. And even if you don’t get anything in return you will get noticed, but that is not the aim, it’s about noticing yourself and feeling good about yourself that you have given something back to the world. Hopefully this is what I am doing here, I’m giving something back to the world.

I notice a lot of marketers doing this, they are adopting the emotion of giving, or the feeling of giving, with the clients. So they are saying ‘how can I help you?’ instead of saying to clients ‘you need to give me so much money so you can help me make money’. The world is turning just now and everybody is turning outward and the new phrases in the outward world are 'how can I help you?’ What is it that I can do for you? Without expecting anything in return.

Are you in a DINS Marriage?

The acronym DINS (Double Income No Sex) was coined a few years ago in discussions about the evolution of marriage in this country. In research carried out at Georgia State University, 16% of married couples reported they had sex with each other less than once a month.

As a psychotherapist working with couples, I agree that the pressures of a fast life and hectic days (and nights) can contribute to the reduction in the frequency and quality of sex in couples who live together, whether married or not.

But is it only the fact that both partners work that reduces the frequency of sex in couples?

I believe this is a very complex situation that is not created uniquely by one factor, but a series of them. Possibly the most important one has to do with the nature and change in desire throughout the life of a romantic relationship. A the beginning, sexual attraction and desire for one another are very strong, as two partners get to know each other and testosterone levels are high for both men and women. As the couple settles in a routine and partners become more familiar with one another, attachment develops, while desire decreases. There is a paradox here that all couples have to negotiate, as attachment comes with what feels safe and familiar, and sexual desire with the new and exotic. It is thus a tight balance that needs to be maintained.

Having said this, however, the changes in sexual activities we see today with some couples, particularly those with young children, seem to be more drastic than the progressive waning of desire that comes with familiarity and growing attachment for one another.

Today most couples complain of being chronically tired. They are exhausted by the fast pace of their lives. They often complain of not having any time for themselves – or for each other. They feel they need to be good parents; they need to be good employees; they often have to drive long distances from work to home or to their children’s activities and sports events. At times they have to commute, being with the family only for a very short time each week. A lot of them don’t have extended families that help them with child care and other activities. No wonder they don’t think about sex! This may be the last thing on their minds, or the thing they are willing to give up because, on their list of priorities, it is not at the very top.

I would also add that it is not only sex that has disappeared, but time together, regular date nights, times of sitting down together and discuss the day, check with one another, hold hands, give each other a back rub or foot massage, enjoy each other’s company. When all this goes, it becomes more difficult to engage in sex, as couples feel disconnected and emotionally unengaged and cannot easily switch on at will. Or, one partner wants to do it, but the other doesn’t. This leads to tension, feelings of rejection, anxieties and fears, and all this keeps partners further apart from each other

The relationship with our partners, like all relationships, needs to be nurtured and attended to. When we push it on the back burner and leave it there, it will wilt and eventually die. So, we need to make it a priority, investing time, energy and interest in order to keep it exciting and vibrant. Can you think now of a kind way of letting your partner know how important he or she is in your life?

Sex & Pizza... Pizza & Sex

So, yes this one is about the old cliche... "Pizza is a lot like sex. When its good its really good, when its bad its still pretty good." I always enjoyed how Adam Carolla of the early Love Line years would yell at befuddled young women who had yet to understand this 'fact' of our existence, "There is no bad pizza! Did you hear me! There is no bad pizza. For a guy, any sex is good sex." While I do get the underlying truism of this belief, as a lady I have doubted its Universal validity. Please let me explain...

My second hometown, from the age of ten, was a rural-cosmopolitan-turn of the century place called Clinton, in Hunterdon County, New Jersey. While living there and spending plenty of time in New York City (family) and sometimes Philly (friends) I sampled a lot... a lot of pizza. If it was made by anyone besides a national chain, it was anywhere from good to great in quality. Even after sampling all the 'real' pizza I could stand in Italy the summer before college, I still found East Coast pizza to be its own special brand of kick ass. From this introduction I hadn't imagined pizza was something you could really get wrong. Then I learned that this is simply not true. I learned that different regions really do specialize in different cuisines even in the USA and that its worth knowing what you will and will not settle for.

Upon graduation from high school in 1995 I moved to Seattle, WA and started taking photography classes at the University of Washington. Some time after settling in, I spent an afternoon roaming around Pike Place Market taking pictures and generally getting lost. I had only a couple of bucks on me and of course being excited had not actually prepared to be away from the refrigerator all day. I saw a sign that said "Cheese Pizza Slice + Soda $1" in the window of a reliable establishment. (I will not throw them under the bus by stating their name here. It will suffice to say that they are a well respected Italian foodstuffs purveyor in Seattle.) I purchased the slice mentioning what a good deal I thought it was to the cashier. I did not initially comprehend his smirk in response. Mouth watering and hopeful, I picked up the single picnic-style paper plate. Immediately I knew something was very wrong...

Where, I ask you, was the slice I had dreamed of? The slice with the points of its triangle hanging over the edge of the two or three plates it takes to hold it up. (Nearly too much to handle with one hand, to be devoured in any reasonable fashion one must fold it in half lengthwise.) The salty, cheesy, indescribably appetizing treat that taste so good you don't care how you look wrangling it into your mouth. And as you finish this delightful piece of heaven the body high sets in. What once were plates is now messy paper all soaked through with stains, there's sauce at the corners of your mouth and grease dripping down the inside of your palm to the edges of your sweatshirt sleeve. And you... you are smiling.

That was what I had in mind and here was this slice of "pizza." Oh so small, small enough to fit entirely, squarely at the center of the plate, the sauce to cheese ratio was inverted towards overly tomato-y, both were dried out and room temperature looking, the crust was thick - all over, the plate too light. My first bite I was taken aback, was it previously frozen or something? After a second doubt filled try, that slice, my 1 of 2 dollars was placed on the lip of a nearby trash can. Maybe someone else, who was hungrier than me, would be as grateful to see it as I was not.

This naivety in connection to pizza did cross over to my understanding of the available levels and quality of sexual encounters. So, I found myself (also after leaving home to go to school and after being married a short while there) having all different sorts of sex. The 'bad' sex was much like the bad pizza... was it still sex? On a technicality, sure it was. Actually, in my book it was more just rubbing body parts together because it felt some pleasurable. Like when I was three or so and figured out that waiting to pee felt like a completely different type of feeling good. Thing is, once I experienced good sex, and then really great sex... the kind that lights your whole being up from toes to hair follicles and beyond to the edges of your energy bodies, that makes you laugh out loud when you cum, that stops your brain function (except for the part that says do it again, do it again) that puts you in touch with what you are here for, that makes you see God... once I found that there was no going back.

For sometime after that point, I was willing to take good when I couldn't find great. Then, after some conscientious practice, I learned it was all up to me in the end anyway. My pleasure, my power. So, when I don't got great somewhere in me, I'd rather just pass on it all together.

And the moral of this story? If you are from the United States West Coast and this is all you've got to go on, go ahead, eat whatever pizza you like for now. Take a trip and find the good stuff if you can and see where you go from there. (I highly recommend Old School Pizzeria in Olympia, WA.) And, ever so much more importantly, no matter where you live, go and get yourself really well sexed up. Since some of you, like regional cuisine, will be better at certain dishes, with certain partners over the others and since some of you may have the same co-chef for every round, this will take differing amounts of repetition. Regardless of how long you believe this quest will take start as soon as possible on your journey and don't stop looking until you find what you came for. Take the first step today. Honor yourself with a promise to never, ever settle for bad 'pizza' ever, ever again. Ultimately, you may realize that the power to have what you truly deserve has been within you all the while.

Swinging Heaven Community

Swinging Heaven is place of freedom of expression. All that you want to explore is available there. I enjoy knowledge that it gave me, so I decided to share it with others as well. What does Swinging stands for? Well I first got introduced to the Swinger lifestyle through UK swinger friend. I didn’t know much, but it intrigued me that some people in today’s society participate in polygamy sexual intercourse. I was on a mission to find out what is swingers lifestyle all about.

My parents always teach me to be polite and to maintained mine integrity and never express my desires if it wasn’t socially appreciable. For social standards everything besides monogamy relationship is unmorally and wrong. I wanted to explore what I like and I stumbled upon Swinging Heaven.

There is not much about it to say. They are all cool people; they enjoy everything that normal people do. Just their sexual preferences are liberal and they like to enjoy recreational sex between couples. My UK swinger friend told me to enjoy myself when we first got to my first party. I just wondered through club and watched other people doing what they like. It’s really got me rushing with desire.

All that freedom and love. No strings, just pure pleasure and honesty. For a second I felt like I discovered my sexuality from a whole different perspective. Feeling like you first time had sex, and instantly you know that it you will do that again.

For me, and my girl, Swinging Heaven really spice up our relationship. It helped us in so many ways, we discovered passion that was buried somewhere deep in our mediocre life’s. Now, feel free to find out what does swinging heaven means for you, and me, now, feel free to go deeper in to freedom of reality.

Swinging is a way of life. Swingers are people, usually couples that enjoy casual sex with each other with everybody’s consent. So in order to fulfill one of you and your partner’s deepest fantasies you should know some basic things that will help you to decide is this experience for you. You should know that there are many things that can go wrong, and you can literally fuck up your marriage. I am swinging for a really long time. I can assure you, if you want to minimize your chances of fucking it all up, you should find mine swinging heaven guide really helpful. But let’s get back to basics.

I hope that everybody will find out about this Swinger lifestyle. Off course that Swinging is not for everybody, but until you know it’s not for you, it’s the price for me to, stand by you. UK swinger scene did something big for me; I hope that you will find something useful too. Feel free to cum and see. Swinging Heaven

Relationship Advice - Top 5 Ways To Put The Spark Back In Your Relationship

Whether you and your partner love each other unconditionally and get along famously or whether the two of you fight like cats and dogs, overtime what often happens is that the routine of everyday life and activities can make the spark in your relationship to go out.

There are a lot of relationship books and articles that give deep and complicated solutions to getting the passion back in your relationship, but sometimes keeping it simple can do just as good a job at reigniting yours and your partner's flame.

So the purpose of this article is just to keep things light and suggest a couple of fun ways that you and your partner can participate in to put the spark and romance back where they belong - in your relationship.

1) Give Love in Your Partner's Communication Mode:

Robby Bilton, Director of the Centre For Life Management describes a Communication Mode as follows:

"Communication is the result you get. Different people are on different channels. We learn, we express love and communicate through different modes or combination of modes. It is important to know who you are playing with, what channel they are playing on or else your communication will not be very effective. We basically all want to get what we want. If you cannot get your message through of what your needs, wants, dreams, goals and visions are, you will be very frustrated and stressed."

One of the best ways to put the spark back in your relationship is by giving or showing love in your partner's communication mode so they will truly pick up, tune in or feel your love.

The following is a brief definition of each of the modes and some suggestions to how to express love: (You can be primarily one mode or a mixture of up to all four.)

Visual people communicate by seeing and doing. They like activities and they like gifts. They notice people, places and things with just the slightest glance. They take things at face value and do not look deeper into things. They feel and share love by doing things with or for other people.

As an example how a Visual person may feel love is if you do something together like go for a walk, do a puzzle, go out for dinner, even wash dishes together, anything where you are doing things together. Another example is if you do something for them, like buy them a gift or do the dishes for them or cooking a special meal for them they would really feel loved.

Auditory people communicate through talking. They have the natural gift of the gab, are designed to be able to talk for long periods of time. They enjoy talking and listening to other people talk. They feel loved when they are talked to, and like to hear the words I love you.

For example an Auditory person would feel loved if you talk with them a lot, listen to music together and they feel love if you tell them you love them as frequently as you can.

Digital people communicate through connection and understanding. They find the deeper meaning in everything they think, see and do. Understanding is very important to them. They feel loved when they share connections with others and are understood.

Digital people feel loved when they share connections with others and are understood. They will feel loved if you seek to understand them, help them to understand something that is on their mind, or share something deep about what you are thinking about with them so they feel connected to you.

Kinesthetic people communicate through their bodies. They move, feel and express through their bodies. Kinesthetics love to touch people and things around them and like physical activities and physical forms of affection such as hugging. They feel loved when they are touched. Each Kinesthetic person has their own unique way that they like to be touched, I don't mean in a sexual way, but they just have a unique way how they feel loved through being touched.

For example, some Kinesthetic people feel loved when they are hugged, or if you hold their hand or put your hand on their back, shoulder or leg, or touch their hair or kiss them on the forehead.

With all the communication modes, feel free to ask them how they feel loved if you are ever in doubt and just keep in mind it is how they feel loved not how you would feel loved or how you think they would feel loved.

2) Routines:

In Cucan Pemo's e-book "How To Retrieve a Lover" she explains the importance of developing daily rituals with your partner by doing things together every day, such as sharing morning coffee together so you are connecting intellectually as well as emotionally on a regular basis.

We can take it a step further and suggest daily routines that will become habits that touch on your partner's communication modes.

For example, with my significant other, he is Auditory so every morning when we wake up I'll say "I love you", I will say it again a few times during the day and I always say "I Love you" before we go to bed.

He knows I'm Kinesthetic so we always snuggle in the morning before getting up. He will also hug me on occasion during the day and will hug me before we go to bed.

Both of us are continuously feeling loved in our own communication modes and nothing can reignite the flame then by truly feeling loved.

3) Do Activities That Focus on Each Other:

With all the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it is hard to find time to focus on each other and totally connect.

So make an agreement to do activities together where you can focus directly on each other, not a day at the park with the kids or a football game with another couple, but share breakfast together, go on a date or on a walk together, anything where you will feel like you did when you first met each other.

4) Have Fun Together:

People, who play together, stay together. By having fun together, you get to share an experience together while having fun and connecting.

Do things that make each others laugh and act like big children. Tickle each other, play tag, have a water fight, water balloon fight or pillow fight.

The laughing will release serotonin, the feel good chemical and for males it will release dopamine which is needed in order to reignite a spark in them like they felt when they had the challenge of pursing or courting you when you were first dating.

5) Get Out Your Emotions Together:

I was watching a movie called "Force of Nature" (Directed by Bronwen Hughes, DreamWorks SKG, Roth-Arnold Productions, 1999) With Ben Affleck and Sandra Bullock. Ben Affleck character named Ben was engaged to another woman, and Sandra Bullock's character named Sarah was a free spirit trying to avoid her abusive boyfriend. They met each other while traveling and kept bumping into each others.

There was a scene where Ben and Sarah were standing on top of a train that was stopped over a canyon with a river below. The two of them were having fun yelling on the top of their lungs. I was thinking, "Hmm, that sure looks like that would be a great way to get all their blocked emotions out."

Then I started thinking about couples and probably one of the reasons couples scream at each others when they are arguing is to get all their built up emotions out.

So then I thought, "Well, wouldn't it be a good idea if a couple could get their emotions out together but not at each other?"

So that's when I realized that a couple should go together to a secluded spot in a park, forest, field, cliff or hills and give out a big huge scream or yell on the top of their lungs.

You and your partner can take turns or yell at the same time. Yell out at nature, not each others, let all the blocked emotions that are holding your passion back and let nature absorb it for you - it's a very refreshing and bonding experience.

So by focusing on these simple and fun ways to connect and share with each other, at the bare minimum you will have some fun and spend time together. However, more than likely you will be able to share the passion, romance and spark that the two of you had in the beginning of your relationship.

When Emotional intimacy and Sexuality Marry

When Emotional Intimacy and Sensuality Marry

Masculine Polarity Meets Feminine Polarity

Oftentimes, people have both emotional intimacy (a feeling of love), and sensuality (a feeling of sexy charge), at the beginning of a relationship but then, it fizzles out as time goes by. Why is that? The biologist in me could drone on about the change in hormones levels of dopa – the one that gives you a drug-like charge as part of the evolutionary drive to reproduce – to oxytocin – the one that helps you to feel cuddly and bonded. But it’s not that simple. We could just excuse it away as “oh, that’s just how our bodies work, just accept it and settle”. Let’s not do that though. Let’s not settle!

We need to understand a bit about how our bodies work -emotionally, bio-chemically, and energetically in order to solve the problem. There is so much information out there on the topic that most people are unaware of.

A big part of the problem stems from lack of education. Our culture pushes the glamor of sex at every turn but has an underlying puritan aversion to giving out honest details on sex and how our bodies work. We are expected to be experts at sex as soon as we hit maturity – without any training or basic information. This sets up a lot of unconscious stress from the get-go.

So, I’m here to give you some straightforward information:
First- let’s look at ways people can do relationship-

* You can have High emotional intimacy with No sexual charge (also called ‘polarity’) = Love with no passion (This is either platonic friendship or what some romantic relationships become – then it’s boring.)

* You can have No emotional intimacy with High sexual charge = lust (which can be fun for a while, right? But, as we all know, if there isn’t an emotional connection, it won’t usually last for years. In this scenario, you can even dislike someone emotionally but be sexually drawn to them.)

* You can have High emotional intimacy and High sexual charge = Passionate love

* You can be somewhere in between these scenarios, because it’s on a scale.

To summarize:

* High emotional intimacy + No sexual charge = Platonic Love/ Passionless Love
* No emotional intimacy + High sexual charge = Lust
* High emotional intimacy + High sexual charge = Passionate love

Since today’s blog is focused on how to maintain High emotional intimacy and High sexual charge = Passionate love,

we’re going to now discuss how to create a higher sexual charge for people in intimate relationships.

(Note – In writing, I use hetero-sexual language in describing couples – however – this process works for same-sex couples or bi-couples too. When I use the terms ‘masculine polarity’ and ‘feminine polarity’ – it doesn’t necessarily have to be a male that is the masculine polarity and a female that is the feminine polarity. But, one person in the couple needs to run the masculine polarity and the other needs to run the feminine polarity for there to be a charge. Everyone has a preferred polarity, find out what yours is. More below.)

You are a battery

Sexual charge in a physical body is a bio-energetic process that you can adjust. To clarify this concept, think of how a simple battery with a positive pole and a negative pole works. Let’s do a simple review of how a battery works:
How a Battery Works

A battery is basically a container full of chemicals that produces negatively-charged elements called electrons, and this process of moving electrons creates power. If you look at any battery, you’ll notice that it has two poles or terminals. One pole is marked (+), or positive, while the other is marked (-), or negative. As an example, look at D cell batteries – the ones used in your flashlight – the ends of the battery are the terminals. In a car battery, there are two heavy lead posts that act as the poles.

Electrons collect on the negative pole of the battery. If you connect a wire between the negative and positive terminals, the electrons will flow from the negative to the positive pole as fast as they can (and wear out the battery very quickly — this also tends to be dangerous, especially with large batteries, so don’t try this with a real battery at home). Normally, you connect some type of ‘load’ to the battery using the wire – for example, a light bulb – then the battery’s energy flow is used constructively to light the bulb or run your car.

­Inside the battery itself, a chemical reaction produces the electrons. Electrons flow from the battery into a wire, and must travel from the negative to the positive pole for the chemical reaction to take place. That is why a battery can sit on a shelf for a year and still have plenty of power — unless electrons are flowing from the negative to the positive pole, the chemical reaction does not take place. This is where we use the analogy for men and women. There is a reason some people say the phrase ‘we didn’t have any chemistry‘ when they are dating. They may have an emotional connection, like common hobbies, but there is literally no charge between them. The chemical reaction did not take place. This is because there is no polarity. Sometimes people are ‘flat’. They need a highly charged masculine pole (just for science’s sake – call this the + end of the battery) and a highly charged feminine pole (the – pole) to build of a charge between them and ‘light’ up.

OK -How do we do that?

1. Masculine energy is about form, structure, and assertion. Feminine energy is about flow, being magnetic, a receiver. Practice these qualities in your daily life. Practice ‘Bouncing’ between them. Practice enhancing them to the nth degree. How would it feel to allow your self to just receive all day? How would it feel to be completely structured and planned all day? Which qualities do you prefer emanating? Since we are whole beings, yin and yang, we have both polarities within us. We have an innate preference to express one pole while being sexual though. The more we can feel the difference between what a masculine pole is and what a feminine pole is, the more we can have conscious control over choosing to amplify and express one pole during sex.

2. Spend some quality time apart – as individuals. When you become too ‘fused’ as a couple, you lose the ability to run charge – you lose your polarity. You need to know who you are as an individual in order to keep polarity as a couple.

3. Celebrate diversity as a couple – there is a reason that phrase ‘Opposites attract’ came into being. Practice being stereotypically ultra-feminine and ultra-masculine in the bedroom one day. Practice it as a game – not as a rigid role you have to play all the time. Remember wholeness is to have options – to know what the receptive pole feels like and what the assertive pole feels like. You choose polarity for your own pleasure.

Here’s a game to play together to illustrate this in a kinesthetic way:

* Get two magnets. Face the South (like) poles towards one another. What happens? They repel each other. Face the opposite poles towards one another. What happens? They attract – they forcefully pull.

4. Start thinking of the person as your lover, not your best friend.

5. Just for men – to be more in the masculine polarity:

* Practice standing as if you were a mountain – feet slightly apart – toes pointing straight ahead – head and spine straight but not rigid. Feel the solidity in your body – how does that feel?
* Spend some time doing ‘masculine’ hobbies – this can be anything, but something to you that feels more masculine. There is a reason those men’s retreats and ‘warrior weekends’ are so popular.
* Spend time doing things that bring you more into your physical body (-we tend to avoid the body in this culture with watching tv and the computer-) . This may sound crazy, but spend 1/2 hour chopping some wood. Notice how you feel.

6. Just for women- to be more in the feminine polarity:

* I’ve made a recording just for you! (Click : http://www.thetemplepriestess.com/events/meet-barbara/ and press the play button on the audio player.)

Blessings to you all! I’d love to hear how this information has helped you.

Sexuality 101

Sexuality is a complex subject. When I lecture about it, I often reference Margo Anand, who wrote The Art of Sexual Ecstasy in 1989, a book that sheds much light on the subject of orgasm, that much sought after, dreamed about, schemed for phenomenon that sadly about 20 percent of women have never experienced. The big “O” is the talk in women’s gatherings, in locker rooms, and upon therapists’ couches.

Do you want to know the truth about orgasm? Anand quotes Alan P. Brauer, M.D., and Donna J. Brauer: “The average orgasm is only ten seconds long. The average frequency of intercourse is once or twice a week. That’s twenty seconds a week, about one-and-half minutes a month, about eighteen minutes a year. In fifty years, that’s about fifteen hours. For fifteen hours of ecstasy we devote how many thousands and thousands of hours thinking about sex, worrying about sex, daydreaming about, wishing for sex, planning for sex?”

Wow! Gives one pause, doesn’t it?

Sexuality, of course, involves much more than climaxing. For many reasons, many of us struggle with sex and sexuality. Sometimes religion plays a role. I was raised Catholic and still remember being told by the stern padre and the well-meaning but shortsighted sisters that if we dared to masturbate, we would grow hair on our palms and go blind. Well, thanks to God’s great wisdom, there are no blind, hairy-palmed souls dancing about our planet. We can enjoy life’s little self-pleasures.

More often while wrestling with sexual issues, our relationship with intimacy comes into play, as does our perception of ourselves. Have you ever thought about what intimacy means? Breaking down the word gives us its definition: see into me. Do you love yourself enough to allow someone else to love you, love all of you on every level possible – physical, emotional and spiritual?

The bottom line is this. If we are ever going to find any pleasure in life, sexual or otherwise, we are going to have to learn to love ourselves in the package that we currently inhabit. We need to magnify our great assets with continual nurturing and respect. When that happens, our sexuality will feel normal, a deep part of ourselves that we can easily share with another.

Tips to Kiss a Girl for Making Love

There are kisses for just about every emotion and occasion and maybe considered cultural or - the greeting kiss on the cheek, the maternal kiss on the forehead, an affectionate kiss on the lips, the kiss of death-- but on those certain occasions when you want to communicate passion and, maybe, lust, not just any kiss will do. You need a fiercely passionate kiss. If done incorrectly, these kisses can turn out being gross or sloppy, but when performed with skill and feeling, there is no greater expression of love. Here's how to do it right.

1. Keep your breath fresh. Make sure to brush your tongue each time you brush your teeth, and do both regularly. If you'll be meeting your girl later, avoid foods with powerful scents like garlic and onions. For a quick freshness boost, keep mints or gum handy but remember that those are only aides to support the good habits above.

2. Pick the right moment. Watch for signs that your girl is feeling close to you, such as: smiling & laughing in conversation; touching your arm; or leaning her head on your shoulder.

3. Start slowly. Don't surprise your girl with a first kiss. Send nonverbal signals to let her know what you're thinking, such as: leaning in towards her or holding her hand and gently tugging it toward you. Do not go for more "sensitive" areas like the hips, butt, or breasts.

4. Wait for her to respond. If she matches your action, that's the signal she's ready. If she doesn't lean in toward you or turns her head away, the time isn't right. Do not force the kiss on her; that's a sure way to make sure you never get a second kiss.

5. Kiss the girl. Start with a short, closed-mouth kiss. If she responds well, do another short kiss. Continue this, and as long as she's still into it feel free to start making your kisses longer. An important part of kissing is to always move slowly. Fast moves get you rejected; slow moves turn your girl on and open the door for more.

6. How far will you go? Don't expect too much on your first kiss. A short closed-mouth kiss is a great start. Several is even better. If it goes further than that, congratulations! As long as your girl is responding positively, you can continue to get closer. Open your mouth slightly and see if she does the same. Even if you move to the open-mouth kiss, don't use your tongue for a while. It's a whole separate step.

7. If you've been open-mouth kissing for a little while, you can try using your tongue. First, gently touch your tongue to her lips as a signal that you want to use your tongue. If she does the same, that's her signal that it's ok. Start tracing your tongue slowly and softly over her lips. Make sure any contact between your tongue and hers is soft. As you continue to kiss, you can slowly increase the force of your tongue.

8. Throughout the kissing, make sure your hands match what your lips are doing. For short kisses, keep your hands to yourself. As the kisses get longer and open mouth begins, "safe" areas like arms, shoulders, and legs below the knee are ok. Touching her face at this point is also good. As you start with the tongue, you can include the legs just above the knee or her waist. Stay away from the hips, butt and breasts until after you've been using the tongue for a while.

How To Stop Being Hurt By Other People

There is a saying, look to yourself for the cause and solution to all your problems. This is a very interesting saying because it has many meanings.

The first is the obvious, to see what you have done wrong to cause the problem. This is easy to apply, see what you did and accept responsibility then correct your mistake.

Next we have another view which is to see how you are getting more upset or angry than the situation deserves and that negative emotion is causing you many problems that are mainly in your imagination and needless. You may be holding on to an event that has long since past and become irrelevant, but you keep the anger alive in your own mind. Accept it is done and gone, then release it and you will be fine.

But now I would like to present a third interpretation of my own which I discovered based on the following thought. If you wish to understand a species, you must study one or more of the individuals of the species, This is how all scientific discoveries about nature and animals has been documented. In this way I apply the saying as a way to solve all our emotional problems that have to do with other people. There is very little in our life that does not have another person involved so really this can apply to anyone.

When we get hurt by the actions of another person, we must examine the reasons for their actions in order to resolve our pain. We search for the answer to 'How could someone do that?' so we can let go of the pain. The pain really comes more from the confusion and frustration of this question rather than the actual event. Remember that the real reason may not be the obvious or surface reason. Animals kill each other because they are hungry, it is not because they like to kill. Nature makes us hungry and we have no choice but to serve that master. Find the real cause behind all events rather than just what it looks like.

Resolving the riddle of how a person can act in such a harsh way, not keep their promise, break the trust, etc. will allow our pain to heal. And here I would like to present the method to do this.

We will use the scientific method, study the species to understand the reason and cause for an individual’s actions. I can tell you now that the solution to healing your pain is in understanding the true reasons for a persons actions. Now let us find those reasons.

We begin with accepting reality rather than defend and believe in lies and delusion. But first we must define reality and lies.

1 The reality about humans; They are unreliable, fragmented, self-centered, etc. You know what people are like, I do not need to detail the list.

2 You are a human and subject to doing the same things as all other humans. By studying yourself you can understand the species.

3 People will not look at themselves honestly and in detail. We all lie to ourselves and ignore the facts of our own actions. By so doing we will never see the truth of people because we are living in denial about the reality of what we ourselves are. If we accept that all people are a certain way, then we would also have to accept ourselves as being that way. Since the truth is so ugly, people prefer to live in denial of their own true nature and thus are faced with perpetual confusion about other people’s actions. This is explained in my book, All Is Mind under the topics of Fragmentation and Buffers, which topics I will briefly explain now.

Fragmentation is the principle that you are not one unified whole being. You are in fact thousands of little fragments of yourself, each almost identical to each other but with some little unique difference. An example is when you cannot make a simple decision; should I wear the red shirt or the blue one. Such a simple choice, but you cannot decide. This is a moment of two fragments fighting, one who likes red and the other who likes blue. You can imagine how much fragmentation effects your life.

Let’s extrapolate this to every promise anyone makes. One fragment promises and then another fragment takes control of your consciousness later on and has no interest in keeping the promise, but desires something else. It is after all, a different person, even if it came from the same source. Not many siblings of the same parents, brought up in the same house have totally identical desires and feelings. This is how promises are broken or forgotten, one fragment to another.

Add to that the changes we go through in desires and aversions as we age from a toddler to elderly. Nothing stays the same, including some things we like or dislike. Since fragments come from the same source, meaning they are all fragments of the same person, they will share many likes throughout your lifespan, but there will always be slight differences and changes over time. This is self evident with a simple observation and the reason it is so hard to see fragments but rather think yourself whole.

Buffers are those cushions or ‘cloak of invisibility’ which help you hide your true feelings and actions from yourself. If you think you are a very prompt person but in fact you are always late, you will find a new excuse each time. The traffic was terrible, there was an accident, my watch must have stopped for a while even though it is running now, I had to read that web site even though it was irrelevant, the floor had to be swept, etc. There is no end to the excuses that you will use to justify your repetitive lateness to avoid seeing the truth that you are in fact not reliable when you desire to believe you are.

Because of fragmentation, and buffers which prevent us from seeing that we are fragmented, we cannot correct the problem within our self, nor will we be able to study our self to understand the human species, without effort or help at least.

Self observation with total objective clarity is the way to understand why a human will do the things they do which we consider totally unacceptable. When you can see yourself for what you really are, you will be able to change yourself. You will also cease to be shocked and hurt by the actions of others since you will understand that they do not have any power to act otherwise. This is why I never ask anyone to make a promise, I know it is impossible for a human to keep a promise long term. This way, I never get hurt or disappointed.

You may not like this and insist that it is not correct or should not be that way. It may be true that this is not a good system, but it is how it is. Our emotional pain comes from rejecting and denying reality. It is not the thing that happened which keeps the pain alive, it is the rejection of the reality that this is actually something humans cannot help. Study yourself and then you will see what we are. If you can accept what you are, then you will accept and understand others. We are all the same, it is just a matter of degree.

Delusion is thinking that a human can keep a promise. That is not possible and you know it. Certainly we can keep some promises but rarely the ones that project long into the future. Too many things change in the world, our life and the things we deal with. As I mentioned above, we age. As that happens, our thoughts, desires and feelings change as well. We all change. That is reality, and with that change, what we were so sincere and certain about that we promised to do forever has also changed. This is simply the process of nature in an ever changing world and universe.

When we accept reality, we can have trust and yet not feel hurt or disappointed when the trust is broken. It is our own fault for projecting the capacity of consistency on a totally unreliable creature. Look to yourself for the cause and solution to your problem. You lied to yourself and believed that lie, now the truth has come out. The pain is not that a person broke the trust, but that you are faced with believing a lie you lied to your self. You wanted to believe people can keep a promise yet you knew it is not possible to guarantee that.

Objective study of humanity, beginning with honest study of oneself brings freedom through truth. But of course we close our eyes and expect everyone to be honest and reliable and keep their promises, so we blind ourself to the truck coming straight at us and get run over.

I believe we can truly and freely love and be in a successful relationship only when we accept the reality of our own self and our own weaknesses and thus those of others. You cannot buy a 20 year old Russian Lada and expect it to run like a new Rolls Royce. But that is exactly what we do with ourselves and other people, we expect total reliability from a very unreliable vehicle, and when it breaks down we curse and wonder how could this happened because it should not! By the way, even Rolls Royce breaks down.

The truth is not pleasant or pretty but accepting it without imagining it could or should be different gives a state of mind that is peaceful yet not closed, and ready to move forward with life as it is where you are.

Funny enough, this method is not going to make you cold or closed, rather it is in trying to believe a lie that keeps your heart closed. There is a wise part of us, one we rarely use, which knows the truth and does not fall for the lie. That part wants to protect us, but we fight it and insist that we know better. Subconsciously, our heart is kept slightly closed all the time, as that wiser part of our being tries to keep at least a little protection from the inevitable.

On the other hand, by fully accepting the truth of humans, and the lack of ability to be completely reliable, our heart opens because we accept our self and others as we are. There is no more lie to hide from, no more false expectations and if the trust is broken, we will not be as badly hurt.

The third benefit is that if we do truly accept ourself and others, all the grasping and clinging attachment that usually pushes a person away will not be required. We can finally love and live in a relaxed honest relationship.

The result will be that promises will be kept simply because there is no pressure and we will not be forced to jump fragments by needing buffers to avoid our past actions. If you can be so accepting of reality, the energy will be calm and accepting and only then can your heart open to love and be loved, fully.

Self study requires using a part of our being which is more than just human, our higher consciousness awakens to study our lower ego. By using that part of our being, we become more aware of our self. When we know how we function, seeing our fragmentation and to the best of our ability to see the buffers and self lying justifications, we can find freedom in the reality of what we can expect to happen. It could be said simply as this; 'Play by the rules and you will enjoy the game. Ignore the rules and you get penalized and have to sit it out watching everyone else play and have a good time.'

When you see the truth about yourself, how you do not, and in fact probably could not, do what you have expected from another person, then you cannot be hurt when they themselves do it. There are many good old sayings which if we actually put in some effort to understand, would change our life.

I regard children's fables as highly as ancient texts in this case, since they sometimes both carry equal value. I will end with two great sayings.

'Sticks and stones may break your bones, but names can never hurt you.' and;

'Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones.'

And just for those of you who are really good at hiding from the truth, painting a glass house with black paint or with master artistry to make it look like bricks, will not change it from being glass.

David Samuel is The Entrepreneur Monk, a rag to riches story making his 1st million at 25 based on understanding the mind and emotions.
Your mind makes you a success or failure, business skill is only a small part.
Retiring at 29, he travelled for many years.
David resolved the riddle of why we do what is bad for us yet do not do what we know is beneficial and teaches that very effectively.
Read more about David EntrepreneurMonk.com

Learning to Control Your Emotions

How many times have emotional outbursts destroyed a life or career? Our emotions can either work for us or against us depending on how we handle them. Gaining control of your emotions is a practice which requires maturity and experience. We have to learn to recognize the emotions which seek to propel us into action and respond accordingly rather than to react as they tell us which is often not good. We can’t prevent emotions but we can choose to not allow them to cause us to perform negative behaviors. Yes we will be affected by emotions and initial reactions but learn how to exercise control over your mind.

We have to learn not to be ruled by our emotions. Once we master this we will do better in every aspect of life. For example, the grifter or scam artist uses your own greed against you when they scam you. They have no weapon against you so they stir up the greed that is present in all of us in order to get us to take the bait that they place in front of our eyes. If you are not ruled by greed, or if you can control your greed and be objective about the situation you will never be scammed.

The pimp makes his workers feel insecure and dependant on him. If they ever realize that they can become self serving they will no longer fall for his tricks. People who like to manipulate others usually do so by attacking weaknesses in their self esteem. Have you ever seen people who thought that they knew everything? Knowledge is power so if they can appear to be more intelligent they can use feelings of low self esteem against the people that they control. When you are knowledgeable and aware you can’t be intimidated by these people.

The first thing that we need to learn to do is to avoid negative triggers. For example avoid that person who knows how to make you feel bad. Whether you realize it or not that is their way of subjecting you to their will because they can successfully cause you to react to an emotion rather than to truth.

Avoid negative situations, and places. When I was young I hung out with the wrong crowds only because my self esteem was low and I wanted to be seen as a cool person. This did absolutely nothing to help me in life because I did not use those years wisely. I wasted so much of my valuable time with the wrong endeavors until I got so far behind in life I could never catch up.

Don’t dwell on bad situations. It is what it is so you just have to deal with it. Just thinking about the bad thing in your past won’t do a thing to make it any better. Dwelling on past issues is just a waste of time.

Learn to do the opposite of what the situation dictates if you have to. When a person, place, or thing makes you feel like crying do the opposite and laugh instead. When you feel small around others look them directly in the eyes as you address them. You don’t have to challenge them nonverbally just show confidence, even if you have to fake it until you get it right.

One very important thing which we all need to learn is to be inner directed. Don’t allow the actions of others to control the way that you think and act. You must take direct control for your own actions. Remember the person who seems to have it all together has just as many doubts as you. They are better at not showing them.

Last but not least of all you need to learn to take time to think before you react. There are many people in prison now because they didn’t do just this. Many careers have been ruined and so have lives. If we all took the time to think first before we give in to our emotions the world would be a much better place. Riceland Enterprises

Cedric Rice is the founder of Riceland Enterprises, which is composed of several different business ventures. This company is currently located in Georgia.
Riceland Enterprisesof several web sites that Mr. Rice owns and operates which is oriented towards consumers along with Military Ring Express, and Fragrance Oil Express